blindsidedagain Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Please help me with your insights. If you are interested in the details, I have another string under infidelity. I found out 6 weeks ago that my wife (22 year together) has been involved in a 6 month affair with a coworker who is 15 years her senior. Her reasons are: Depressed Insecure Felt like something was missing She has has 2 other affairs over the last 2 decades that I am aware of (one night stands). She wants to work on our relationship, but I told her I want to terminate it. I asked if she missed him, and she said that she did a little....just the talking. Anyway, are these the real reasons? After all, I am insecure, have been depressed, and have not thought about other women. Also, would she do it again? She is not communicating much with me, which I guess was a problem all along. I can't stand living under the same roof with her, it's driving me crazy and I have a lot of mixed feelings.
Citizen Erased Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Having never been married, I can't exactly be counted as an expert But to me, if she has cheated on you twice before and now a 6 months long affair with another man... you have no reassurance she will not do it again. And that's what you know about, she has proven herself to be disloyal and cannot be trusted. But after 22 years, is there a marriage left over to fight for?
Darth Vader Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Having never been married, I can't exactly be counted as an expert But to me, if she has cheated on you twice before and now a 6 months long affair with another man... you have no reassurance she will not do it again. And that's what you know about, she has proven herself to be disloyal and cannot be trusted. But after 22 years, is there a marriage left over to fight for? I agree 100% What's left here? Why has she gotten away with 2 one night stands, but, you got to stay faithful? Drop this chic man! She wasting your life! She's a waste!
LifesontheUp Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Sorry but I'm not buying into her excuses. I just read that the first time she cheated on you was 20 years ago. So is she saying that during the last 20 years shes been feeling depressed, insecure and as if something was missing? If thats the case then why on earth did she get married. You could put the first time down to a mistake and she was young....but another 2 times??!! Come on she is a serial cheater and there are 3 times that you know of. I suspect you have had to dig for that info and don't be surprised if there isn't more. You are wondering if she will do it again. Of course she will unless she gets help and fixes what it is wrong with her. She may have quit her job but has she really quit the OM? If she is serious about making this work then she needs to take the steps to put this right. That means she needs to start communicating with you instead of the OM and not shutting you out. Has she seen a doctor for her so called depression? If you can't live with her at the moment, perhaps she could move in with family or friends for a little while, just so you can have some breathing space. I wish you luck. I've been where you are now and its one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. That said there is light at the end of the tunnel I promise.
justice Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I'm sorry but it sounds very much like she's just using lame excuses. Now is the time when you need to show her action instead of just words. If you feel that being apart from her is the best thing for you, then do it. Staying with her when you feel like you do, is the same thing as her using those lame excuses. It may do both of you good to be apart from each other, it tends to clear your head so you can make better decisions. I'm sorry for what you are going through. And yes, I think she would do it again. Sorry.
dbtmarley Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I was married for 10 years and my wife cheated on me. One of the things I could not get over was how much of a stranger she seemed after.. the things I found out crushed me and to be honest I don't think I am over the hurt of the betrayal.. I left... I just couldn't do it... I couldn't turn the other cheek.. I know this is tearing at your insides in the worst way. You know of two other flings or affairs she had before this one and these are just the ones you know of. I would bet there are more, but that won't do you any good to think about the unknown. Would she do it again? Most likely.... Why does she want to be with you? I mean was it worth the risk of losing you to have the affair? She is not communicating much with me, which I guess was a problem all along. I can't stand living under the same roof with her, it's driving me crazy and I have a lot of mixed feelings. The fact she is not communicating is very telling... I would really consider leaving her if I was you, but that's my opinion. Don't let her see this breaking you down as a man... if you can't make a decision now, at least start your life in preparations without her.. don't chase after her, she's the one who cheated and you should not make any concessions for her. If she wants you still make her prove it... That's if you want her still. Personally speaking I think you should let her go... and tell her to have a good life.
justice Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I was married for 10 years and my wife cheated on me. One of the things I could not get over was how much of a stranger she seemed after.. the things I found out crushed me and to be honest I don't think I am over the hurt of the betrayal.. I left... I just couldn't do it... I couldn't turn the other cheek.. I know this is tearing at your insides in the worst way. You know of two other flings or affairs she had before this one and these are just the ones you know of. I would bet there are more, but that won't do you any good to think about the unknown. Would she do it again? Most likely.... Why does she want to be with you? I mean was it worth the risk of losing you to have the affair? The fact she is not communicating is very telling... I would really consider leaving her if I was you, but that's my opinion. Don't let her see this breaking you down as a man... if you can't make a decision now, at least start your life in preparations without her.. don't chase after her, she's the one who cheated and you should not make any concessions for her. If she wants you still make her prove it... That's if you want her still. Personally speaking I think you should let her go... and tell her to have a good life. Marley, I left my M too. I can definately sympathize with what you are saying here. Letting go is sometimes the only thing left to do.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Anyway, are these the real reasons? After all, I am insecure, have been depressed, and have not thought about other women. Also, would she do it again? Nope, her reasoning is flawed! Your nothing to her, so now she needs to be nothing to you! She wont do this again! Why? Because you have decided to terminate the marriage! So your not going to give her the chance. Blindsided, Not all women are like this! There are many who would be happy to love you forever. You need to start working on yourself, this is not a time to get depressed. Its a time to get angry, turn that anger into action! Do everything you can to better yourself.
american-woman Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 She is a serial cheater addicted to sex.................she needs counseling
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