shadowplay Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I've known this guy for about three years online and he's been pushing to meet me for the last few months. I'm just wondering if it's appropriate to meet up with a guy like this when I'm in a relationship (he knows I'm in a relationship). He saw a picture of me recently and said "wow, you're hot," so there is some sexual subtext. I wouldn't mind meeting with him if it's a purely "friendly" encounter, but I'm not sure that it is. I don't want to do something inappropriate or wrong.
fray718 Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 ask yourself this, how would YOU feel if your boyfriend met a girl from online even if it was so-called a 'friendly' encounter?
oppath Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Sure, if you bring your b/f with you. Word. The only way it is appropriate in the context of a relationship is if your bf is aware of it, and he has the option to come along. Does this mean you can't make new male friends? Yes and no. Not with a sexual subtext. But I'd say in general, if you make new friends of the opposite sex within a relationship, that person needs to know you are in a happy relationship, unequivocally, your SO needs to know about it, and they need to be invited along and have the option to befriend the person too, so they can witness the friendship is innocent. Would you be happy with your boyfriend hanging out with a new girl he met who thought he was hot? I don't think so. New friendships with the opposite sex...if your bf can't be present to witness them, should be limited to group situations. Why? Because to be quite honest, as a guy, I don't hang out with a girl 1-on-1 until I've gotten to know her in a group first unless I have a sexual and romantic interest. No offense to some of the lovely women on this board who I'd love to be friends with in real life, but if I met you, and were wanting to see you 1-on-1, it would be because I wanted to see if we had chemistry or bone you. If I were only interested in friendship, I would invite you out with other people as a group. Any time a guy you hardly know invites you out solo, you should assume he has interest unless it is a professional context or you have pre-established you are just friends, in which case, I'd think your SO should be present. It's not a lot to ask in reality.
Trialbyfire Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 If I were only interested in friendship, I would invite you out with other people as a group. Any time a guy you hardly know invites you out solo, you should assume he has interest unless it is a professional context or you have pre-established you are just friends, in which case, I'd think your SO should be present. It's not a lot to ask in reality. Hmmm...I'll have to remember this. What oppath says makes sense. Also, meeting someone off the internet by yourself, can be risky. It can't hurt to bring your b/f.
oppath Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Hmmm...I'll have to remember this. What oppath says makes sense. Also, meeting someone off the internet by yourself, can be risky. It can't hurt to bring your b/f. It may be a bit extreme to say "any time a guy invites you out" as I have asked people to go grab a coffee or beer right after a meeting without a sexual interest, but in general, you've got to assume if a man you barely know is inviting you out, it is because he is interested. The danger in that is that you are interest and he is not, of course, and you could assume wrongly, but come on. If a guy wants to hang out with you and there is not a pre-established just friends or professional context, assume he has some interest. Considering there already is a sexual context...it's a given.
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