Dazzel Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Okay, this is a long story. I really, really need some help. I am currently 20 years old and I have a boyfriend who is 19. This is my first relationship I've ever had. I've been dating him since July and lately I have been losing interest. I try to stay tolerant of some of his behaviors because he has Asperger's Syndrome, but I am starting to get tired of it. I know some of his flaws aren't his fault and they are a product of that condition, but I can't feel obligated to stay with him because of that. He says things like he'll never be happy. If he is unhappy with me being with him, then why am I there? I don't need to be the center of his universe, but I'd like to spark some happiness in his life. A few weeks ago we got into a little spat at college. He said things like he would just accept it if I left him and wouldn't have any negative emotions from it. He also said he didn't care if I went and lost my virginity to another guy because he's not interested in having sex at all. These things hurt me and it felt as though I held no value in his life. A little over a week after this, I told him at college that I am interested in seeing other people. What he said sort of killed the relationship for me. He seems emotionless when I tell him this. When classes were over, he texted me and wanted to meet me. He came out to my car and asked if I really wanted to see other people, and I said yes. I asked him if he wanted to as well, and he also said yes. I think this was a lie, because he started to make up all this bull**** about me treating him like a dog (I believe it's the other way around). Things never really got better, even though that weekend I patched things up. I started to avoid him at school. Then he starts texting me again. It's funny how he starts to act like he gives a damn right when he's about to lose me. A lot of things he has done lately have just added up into a pile of disgust on my part. I am overweight and am sensitive about it. He makes fun of it in front of his friends. Also while I am there in the presence of his friends, he tells them all the playing around we did that weekend (like giving him hand jobs and such). That's not something you say to friends, especially with me around! It's private! He has a big mouth and likes to show off, but instead of making himself look 'cool' he makes himself look like a complete moron. He also has horrible hygeine. I know he doesn't shower everyday and he wears very crappy clothes. He told me he doesn't care about looking nice and just wants to be comfortable. He also has come habits he thinks are funny or cool, but it's sickening. One includes chewing with his mouth open in a nasty way. He thinks it's hilarious but honestly, he looks dumb. He's not shy about burping loud at the table or at restaraunts, or farting either. Basically, he has no manners. He's so immature that instead of a 19 year-old, I feel as though I am dating someone who is 13 years old. He also loves to argue and stir up trouble. He hates Christians and wants to fight with them all the time. I myself am not of that religion, but I think it's discrimination to just pick at all the Christians he sees. He admits he is an ******* and loves to anger people. I feel bad breaking it off because I really pity him. He's hopeless and won't have much luck finding a girl to put up with him for long. His parents love me and are so glad their son finally has a girlfriend. They buy me gifts and invite me to things, but I just really can't stay with their son anymore. He's supposed to come over on Thanksgiving and I just don't want him there. I want to get out of it. I wouldn't mind remaining friends, but I know he'd be too pissed at me to let that happen and I know it may hurt him. I know that the things he does may not entirely be his fault due to his condition, but I shouldn't feel obligated to stay with him because of that. Yet, I feel so guilty breaking up. I know I will not only hurt him, but his family. Is there a way to break this off without so much pain? I also have a fear of being lonely. Does the loneliness become less prominent with time? To make matters worse, I have been developing a crush on my teacher at college. I am only 20, but I believe this teacher is around 35 years old. I am pretty sure he is single based on what I have heard. Everyone around me, especially my family, labels these feelings as infatuation. However, it irritates me when people put labels on the feelings of others. I don't know what makes my liking of my boyfriend any different from that of my teacher. I have always liked older men but I was never brave enough to pursue one. Those around me think I am wrong for wanting a man 10 or 15 years older than me and that I should just stick to guys my age. For a long time I have preferred to be in the presence of those older than me rather than those my age. I love maturity, hence the reason for my wanting the teacher. He is a very mature man with an awesome sense of humor. He seems as though he'd be companionable and serious about dating. I am also physically attracted to him. I am terrified that I will be rejected if I make a move. I am so terrified of rejection that when I asked my current boyfriend out, I had to get drunk beforehand. I go to a doctor and a counselor, and I talked to them about this. Both of them support my interest in this teacher and think that I should give it a try. My doctor says at the end of the semester, I should leave a note on his desk expressing my interest in seeing him. I could leave my cellphone number or email, and if he is interested, he can contact me. I am afraid of getting him in trouble for this or even getting myself in trouble. I know in a high school setting this would be unacceptable, but people have told me it's not a big deal in a college setting. But the fact that he is that age and single makes me wonder if he's interested in dating.... I only know him from what I have seen in class, but I am interested. Heck, I dream about this guy all the time. But since he doesn't know me, that may make him hesitant to give it a try. But maybe he'll be interested in getting to know me? I've tried talking to him a bit after class, but I don't want to see suspicious and I am very shy. I have problems with clinical depression and I get upset easily. Lately, just sitting in his class is causing me to want to cry because I really want to date this guy yet feel as though I am powerless. I feel I am wrong for wanting to do this, yet I feel it shouldn't be wrong. I have been so emotionally distraught over all these relationship problems lately. How often is it that a man is willing to date a girl considerably younger than himself, and be serious about it? I can see myself getting married at a young age (such as my mid twenties, which is young in this day and age). Do relationships with age differences tend to work out? Do you think I should pursue this? What method would you recommend if so? Thank you to anyone who read this novel of mine. I am really looking for some advice.
LN99 Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 First off, I would address your issues w/ your bf. Just because he has a condition does not give him the right to treat you like crap! Making fun of your weight and "airing" your private life to his friends is just plain wrong. If he cared about you, he wouldn't do this at all. I think you are staying with him out of guilt and because you feel like you can't do any better! DON'T! Thats the biggest mistake people make....settling for someone...that treats them like crap. Especially when you know deep down that you deserve better! Trust me, I have been there. I went out with guys who were just plain losers. One of my old bf's used to talk about "getting" with two of my friends in front of me. Another one....made a comment about my stomach when we were messing around. (A total mood killer btw). I put up with it though, and as much as it hurt, I would bury it deep down inside thinking that maybe I was overreacting and that I probably couldn't do any better. I let them do this to me, thinking something was wrong with me. It wasn't until I got out of a string of bad relationships that I realized that I CAN do better...and I deserve better....no matter how I look....etc. Because I am me....and I know I am a good person. You should look at yourself the same. As for your teacher, I have been there as well. It's normal to develop feelings for someone in authority over you. You look up to them, respect them, admire them, and they make you feel good about yourself. But, as long as your in their class, you have to be professional about the situation. Also, the fact that you feel lonely, unloved, and treated like crap, might make this teacher look even better in your eyes. But, the fact is you don't know him well. Most students don't know their teachers as well as you like to think. Just because he isn't wearing a wedding ring, doesn't mean he's not in a relationship. Also, once he isn't in authority over you, would you still be interested? The age gap is quite big, but I have seen things happen between two people with one. But, don't dwell on it. You should focus on yourself and building up your self esteem. YOu can't love someone until you love yourself. So remember that you deserve the best. No one's gonna look out for you....other then YOU. If your feelings for your teacher still are there at the end of his class, then maybe it is worth pursuing. I'm sure if anything, he would be flattered. If he isn't interested, then at least you don't have to see him again. But, First things first. Break up with that loser bf of yours!
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