heatherd1201 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Ok. So Im getting married. I am so in love with my fiance. I couldnt see my life without him. THAT is not the issue. I constantly go on myspace to see what my ex is doing. I hate him- I am bitter and angry about the way he treated me during the 2 years we were together. BUt for some reason I cannot stop myself from "checking in". I dont talk to him ever- because everytime he tries to talk to me i get very frustrated and end up in a screaming match about the thousand dollars he still owes me but will never give me. But the other day I went on to his myspace page and found a whole bunch of cute little comments by this one girl that we used to hang out with. They both seem very flirty. Good for him right? then why did i get that same sinking, butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling that i got when I found out (during the relationship) that he cheated on me? I havent been with this guy in a couple years and believe me when I say "he's an a$$" thats the biggest understatement of the year. So why do I care???????
Lizzie60 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Ok. So Im getting married. I am so in love with my fiance. I couldnt see my life without him. THAT is not the issue. I constantly go on myspace to see what my ex is doing. I hate him- I am bitter and angry about the way he treated me during the 2 years we were together. BUt for some reason I cannot stop myself from "checking in". I dont talk to him ever- because everytime he tries to talk to me i get very frustrated and end up in a screaming match about the thousand dollars he still owes me but will never give me. But the other day I went on to his myspace page and found a whole bunch of cute little comments by this one girl that we used to hang out with. They both seem very flirty. Good for him right? then why did i get that same sinking, butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling that i got when I found out (during the relationship) that he cheated on me? I havent been with this guy in a couple years and believe me when I say "he's an a$$" thats the biggest understatement of the year. So why do I care??????? you care because you have not totally moved on... for some reason you are still into him.. you might not realize it but from the way you behave ...you're not over him yet... simple. Just don't go on HIS myspace... period.
LaChatteNoire Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 You're me from the past trying to haunt me!! I pretty much had the same problems/feelings as you and also could not stop checking his myspace a little over a year ago... and I figured it might have to do with not wanting him to be happy because he didn't deserve it (in my mind). When I found he was flirting with some other girl on myspace, I thought to myself, "He's happy? ****". However, I eventually just stopped caring because he isn't worth "checking up" on. If he's happy with someone else and treats her like a queen, good for them. But I know what he's like and I know I'm a lot better off without him. So I don't think it's really that you care as much as you just wanting to make sure that he's unhappy like he made you. The butterflies? Because he's happy with someone that's not yourself. He's not worth your time, though.
Author heatherd1201 Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 Believe me- I am TOTALLY over him. There is not one part of me that is still into him. At all. I think what i am upset about is that HE never seemed upset by what happened. He was terrible- he was mean and abusive and cheated and yelled and it was just bad. I finally got the courage to end it and he has never once seemed upset. One of my friends was there when he found out I was engaged and she said he didnt even change his facial expression. Nada. Why do I care what he thinks? And La- youre right- i dont want him to be happy. I want him to be miserable. But that just doesnt seem the case. I cant explain the butterfly feeling. I know there is no feeling there for him. so i dont get the nervousness. Maybe........maybe it was because i found out he was cheating BECAUSE of his myspace. so when i saw him and that girl chatting back and forth on there it brought back that memory and feeling? Could that be it? Tell me I am normal...
Art_Critic Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 You need to learn to keep yourself in check.. How would your Fiancee feel if he knew about how you obsess over your ex ? Nothing wrong with doing the occasional myspace look on his webpage but the whole anger and jealousy thing is not showing any respect for your Fiancee. I think if you cannot keep yourself in check then you need to relook at why you are marrying your Fiancee to begin with.
Author heatherd1201 Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 NOT an obsession. Ive looked a TOTAL of 3 times since we broke up 2 1/2 years ago. I would not call that an obsession at all. My fiance is the aboslute love of my life. He is my everything. He still talks to a couple of his ex's and Im SURE looks at their myspace pages. He went on a trip with his ex girlfriend and her boyfriend last year. We are very open and honest with each other. I thought about telling him about this feeling- but i dont know what the feeling is. I have a tendancy to hold grudges. I dont know if anyone has read any of my posts but my fiance is the first man in my LIFE other than my brother that never beat me. My father did, couple of my ex's did...... I have this anger issue with men in general. My ex put me up on a pedestal. He loves me unconditionally,sd him. Please dont question my love for him or IF I should marry him. That really really hurt.
birdie Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 you have to be careful how you word your messages then. people don't know you and they can only interpret what you type up here. they don't know your history.
Author heatherd1201 Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 Im sorry- You are right- I guess I didnt word myself well enough. I just got very defensive about people thinking that i shouldnt marry my fiance. I'd be lost in this world without him.
Krytie TV Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I don't think you really know what's going on with you. You seem to know exactly how everything is, but someone who is over an ex does not get that same sinking, butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling that i got when I found out (during the relationship) that he cheated on me Trust me on this. I also think you might even be using your fiance as a replacement for this person. My opinion surely won't mean much though.
Author heatherd1201 Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 I appreciate your opinion, however I am certainly not using him as a replacement for my ex. I am just still very bitter about the way that things "went down" with my ex. There was no closure- just him hitting me in a parking lot and me rushing to my house to pack his things. I did not even see him as he and his things were escorted out.. It has nothing to do with me missing him or wanting to be with him. Basically I just want him to feel like he lost the best thing he could have- he said i would be nothing without him and I would never find someone to make me happy, or find someone who would put up with me. Well I did. I found a wonderful man that i cherish. I just want the ex to see that he was wrong and to be hurt that he was so stupid to have done something to lose me. Thats all. I just dont know why I still care about that "revenge" after all this time. I get that sinking sinking, butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling often. When Im nervous, or really angry. Ive never gotten butterflies in my stomach from being happy (that first date thing), That has never happened. For me its related to something completely different.
JCD Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 When you stop thinking of your ex is when you are truly over him. Right now you're not no matter what you say. Sorry.
Author heatherd1201 Posted November 28, 2007 Author Posted November 28, 2007 When you stop thinking of your ex is when you are truly over him. Right now you're not no matter what you say. Sorry. I think about all my exes. Does that mean that I'm not over any of them? I dont think about them/him like "i miss him"..
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