coco_milkshake Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 This is exactly how Im feeling right now. Its like whenever I look towards a way out, that door gets slammed in my face. I feel like Im in a vicious circle of hope then despair. Im trying to remain optimistic. This job that I have lined up for me, it looks amazing and it will be the stepping stone I need to start of my psychology career but I cant help but feel that there are forces set against me. The psychologist didnt have my correct number which resulted in us not meeting on Friday and now today my gran is ill so I had to cancel. Manchester uni havent got back to me regarding the email I sent and I feel a sense of dread. A small part of me has accepted that I will be stuck here but another part has this fool's hope of clinging to that day when I will finally reach that light at the end of the tunnel, where my freedom is waiting for me on the other side. That light seems to be getting fainter and Im slowly getting engulfed in that darkness again that plagued my life most of last year. I cant make up that secret account yet cos my family know how much Im making at my voluntary work place so it will look suss if some money mysteriously disappears from there. Im helpless. Im feeling soo lonely. I just want to crawl into a corner and cry til my tears run dry. Im living each day but I dont know why cos I feel like I have no purpose or goal in life. Im alive for the hell of it.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Don't give up hunny, be strong and get creative. You will be able to do it, its gonna be hard work for the time being but keep thinking about that end goal and how great its gonna be and feel. Keep that end goal in mind to keep your focus and to keep positive.
Spinderella Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Are you going to uni, or getting a job? Or maybe you are getting a job at the uni?
Author coco_milkshake Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 Lol. Spinderella, the job Im talking about is in my home town in Glasgow, Scotland. The university is in Manchester, England. I need money to apply to the uni which I do have, but its in the account controlled by my parents and I wont get away with it without them finding out.
Author coco_milkshake Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 I have already graduated in psychology and want to pursue it further. However, I am desperate to get away from my family and hence my decision to apply for an English university but they wont allow it. I am very unhappy at home. When I applied to uni first time round I was told I could only apply to a university in Glasgow so my choice was limited to 2 universities. Its a miracle I even got in. They are very controlling.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 My idea... Go open a new bank account with different provider ask if you can just have a passbook issued at the branch rather than them sending you a card in the post. Get work to change your bank details for your wages to go into the above. Even if it only works for a month or two before your parents find out, it would be enough time for you to apply to uni!! Thats what I mean about get creative, problem solve the obsticules they put in front of you and if you cannot jump straight over find away to walk around them to get to your finish line.
Spinderella Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Yes, I have read some of your posts. Once you begin working your power over your own life will feel much more real. Once you feel less helpless, you will not feel the need to resist so much, and it may even be possible to reach some compromise with your parents. Even if not, many more doors will open for you as you know.
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