breakup Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 First time poster here and wanted to say that I am really enjoying this board. I 've been googling and reading countless thread about breakups and this is the very first board that made me wanted to register. Sorry for the long life history. Honestly I felt good writing this out. Hopefully some brave soul can read through this and give me so feedbacks such as how I can improve so that I can treat my nxt g/f better or their opinion of it all. Well anyways here goes.. Me and my g/f of 5 yr just broke up. Very typical to other relationship, the first 3 years was perfect. We meet through a friend and every thing just seem to fall in places. We were never friends to began with. My friend told me that this girl think you was cute and things just fall in places. I asked her to be my g/f a week later to made it official. She was 16 and I was 19 at the time. I had never had an official g/f before and just had a fling with this girl during high school. On the other hand she was very outgoing, sociable, caring, and have a genuinely big heart (one of the thing that I really like). On the other hand I am a bit more reserved, coming from a traditional conserve household, I rarely showed any emotions. Kind of plain might you say. We were extremely different but we believed that opposite attract. Well our relationship took it toll when she return from a trip over the summer. Things just seems to change, she seems to change, and eventually that made us change. She wasn't that girl that I first met. The words that she put it was she was growing up and that she wasn't that girl when I first met. She told me during the trip that she tried smoking. I didn't flip and told her to try it if she wish and that to be careful to not get addictive. I was thinking that maybe she just want to experiment with it and just quit on her own will. Well after she got back she began smoking extensively, to a point where I can't stand to be with her. The smell was too much. I then asked her to quit and she told me that she will try for me. We had fights over this and this was very unusual for us because we barely fight. When we do fight it was more of a disagreement. We would work through it because it was very small. With smoking it was a big to me and it put a strain on our relationship. We both see that this was damaging our relationship so we work at it. I got her the patch and she was off it for sometime. Everything seems fine and we was happy again. The older she got the more she want to go out and party. I was on the opposite end. I want to finish up college and start on my career. I felt like my partying days are over and that I need to concentrate on my schooling so that I can take care of my parent. This is where we clashed. I wanted to spend most of our time at my house, napping, watching a movie, and shamefully admitting (sex). Looking back I realize that I did had a problem with it. It was very addicting and it seem like I couldn't get enough of it. Every time she would come over that was the very thing I thought about. Our days became very repetitive and boring. Keeping in my mind that she was the opposite from me, she was very outgoing. It was very wrong of me. Well she began complaining to me and telling me that she miss the feeling that I once gave her. She miss the butterflies in her stomach when I surprise her, she want me to be more spontaneous, to go out more, and to do different things. I gave her the excuse that I want to concentrate on my schooling and that I don't have that much free time as she does. I guess she got fed up and began going out more. She would go to party w/o me and began having a lot of guy friends. This made me a bit uneasy but I trusted her. I wasn't going to prohibit her from going out because I wasn't. I felt good also b/c we both got want we wanted. Well soon enough things began to cripple. She came to my room with her head down and told me that she went over her friend house and they made out. I never meet this guy but she talk to me about him. He was very outgoing, spontaneous, basically the opposite from me. They made out for at least half a hour on his bed. She promise me that that all that had happen and I believed her. I was a bit mad but I really love her and so we worked it out. I really didn't know how to deal with this b/c I had no prior experience. I google and read other ppl point of view on this issue. It help so I move on but the trust seem to had been bent. I told her to stay away from him and that I want her to stop contacting him. She promise and so that was that. Couple weeks later she said she wanted to talk. This time she told me she had slept with him and it just crush me. So many feeling rushed toward me, betrayal, disloyal, pain, it was so overwhelming. She told me that it was just strictly sex and that she doesn't have any feeling for him. I question her commitment toward me and ask her if she really want to be with me. I mention that maybe some1 like that can make her happy because their personality match. She told me that he was basically a bum and that she doesn't see a future with him. She see a future in us. That was the most difficult thing I have every dealt with in my life. We talked before about cheating. I told her that we should breakup if it ever happen. I basically went against my words and we got back together. I believe that people make mistakes and that everybody deserve a second chance. She stopped seeing him and cut back on going out. We went back to our routine again where we spend most of the time at my house. People are right when they say that you can forgive but will never forget. Things just seem different and I look at her in different light. Before this I honestly thought our relationship was like a fairytale, that nothing can go wrong, and that we are inseparable. Now it just seem like our relationship is vulnerable and our future together is not very certain. I just seem to, not intentionally but just doesn't care. I just abandon her emotional needs and just do things that I like. Once in awhile I would go out with her and be around with her friends but I don't really click with her friends. I rarely see my friend and it seems wrong of me to be hanging out her friends while I don't see mine. We would fight on this issue as well. I don't know what was it but my g/f personality is very strange. She get mad very quickly and have so many blow up in a single day. When she would be driving she would be cussing out other driver. Being a mellow individual this was very hard for me. It just got worser and worser. It got to where her nasty attitude would rub off on me. I find myself being nasty toward her and would she ask me why. I told her it was her and her nasty attitude. We got into fight and she accepted that she need to work on it. She also told me that I need to be more affectionate toward her. So I worked on it as well. It just seem like like the more we tried it was never enough for the other person. Like I just felt like no matter how much I tried I will never meet her expectation. We began telling each other that maybe we feel like we not giving what the other person want. That there is some1 out there better for us. This wasn't a breakup discussion but more like when we talked at night. She began bringing it up more and more about me show more affection and for me to go out more. At this time she began going out more and got close to this other guy. That is the type of person she is. She's very caring and she open up to people and in that way people become very close to her. She would go out late and just hang out at starbuck. She have a starbuck crew that she hang out with b/c it was very close to her house. She told me it's a lot better hanging out at starbuck late at night than for her to go out to a club or something. I accepted but I still felt uneasy. I began feeling more jealous because I constantly hear that guy name. We call each other every night and tell how are day went. It just seem like every she mention his name. I mean I trust her but it just made me felt uneasy with her previous mistake. This is about 11 month after she cheated on me. The beginning of this month she came to me and told me she began smoking again. I was just in shocked and really question her action. I didn't understand why she would jeopardize our relationship like that. I didn't know if it was some underlying message that she wanted to break up with me. So I threw it out there. I told her that this was too difficult and that maybe we should breakup, we mutually agree to it. She left my room and this happen on Thurs. In between we would email each other and I told her that I wanted to spend one more day with her. What we had was special, she meant so much to me, till this very day I still love her. I picked her up and we went back to my house and this was Sat. We wept and cried our eyes out. It was so sad because we still love each other. She wanted to give it another go but my mind was already set. We went to the restaurant that we went to for our first date. Throughout the night I wanted the night to be more enjoyable so I proposed that we act like we were still a couple. She played along with it and later she told me it put a tremendous amount of strain on her heart. She told me that maybe we can get back together that maybe if we change we can get back together with the help of destiny. I didn't want to keep her hopes up so I reluctantly responded saying to not keep her hopes up. That night was very depressing. I drove her back to her house and at this time she began to feel very angry instead of sad. I came in and talked to her parent. Both of us really got to know each other family. We had a very good relationship and it was so hard to let go. Her dad wanted me to reconsider but at that time my mind was set. Tears just started falling down my cheeks and I gave her a hug goodbye and left her house. All these memories started replying in my mind and I just wept in my bed during that night into the third night. She emailed me telling me that she wanted to give it another go. I reply saying that our differences is too much, we're at a different stage in our life, we can't give the other person what they need, her seeing her guys friend was too much for me to handle, basically things that push her away. At the same time my family got involved and contact her. She talked to my bro and told him that at first she wanted to get back and that is not good for her to force me to be with her. I talked to my friend about it and they had mix feelings. Some told me that it was a good decision because our personality was so different and other was very sad by it and thought we should give it another go. Couple day pass and we would just send each other email. Email about getting our belongings and what not. At this time it was like 11/18 and we had broken up in the beginning of the month. So couple of weeks had pass and I started to second guess myself. When people ask me what happen I just say that we mutually wanted to break up but in fact I was the one that pushed it. I also felt hope that we would get back together b/c before we talked about getting back together. I started to miss her so much. I check my email constantly but the emails stopped coming from her, check my cellphone but no missed call from her, went on aim but she's not online. It was so hard and till now is still so hard. I love this girl and now I finally realize how much she meant to me. I looked at the stacks of notes that she had written me and things that she made by hand and gave me as gift. I looked back and just felt so bad. I stopped doing those things for her and totally neglected her. This post from carrot really hit me. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=136017&page=2 I am into computer and would always get her things that I thought she need like a computer, hard drive, printer, and clothes. Now I could finally see how selfish and a jerk I was. I was totally blind and didn't take her interest/feeling into consideration. Well just last weekend she thought I was at work and made a stop at my house. She was going eating with my sis. I came home and my heart just drop. I was so happy to see her and thought she came to work things out. She told me that she was going eating with my sis and later text me if I wanted something to eat. I replied no and asked her if we can talk later. She came home and we went to my room. I told her that I miss her so much and that I still loved her. I told her that I had second thought and had doubt about the breakup. I felt like I was pushing for the breakup instead of us mutually agreeing to it. I pour my heart out and told her that it was up to her. She replied saying that she wanted to but after what I wrote her in the email it just reassure her that it was not going to work. My heart just broke and I felt so rejected but at the same time felt like I deserved it. Like I let her slip through my fingers. She told me to take care of myself and left. I was speechless and didn't even wanted to talk to her. That happen a few days ago and I am restarting that NC and trying to get over her. It's just so hard. I learned so much in this relationship. We both made mistakes but there was no doubt that we love each other. Sometimes those mistake like cheating can never be work though. It's like quicksand where it pull us down and eventually will suffocate us. It's just sad at how things turn out. Like I see myself being more open with myself, like being able to others and showing my emotion. I finally discover how much she meant to me but is all just too late. To many things had been done and said to turn back. I wish I can turn back time, I bet she would too, I really wanted to marry her when we was ready. One thing I keep telling myself is that is better now then waiting till when we're married, have kids, and wake up one morning feeling like that. I just can't seem to get over but hopefully with time I can. You know a person for that long and love them that much, in the end you just want to see them happy. I know deep down that I wasn't the b/f she wanted and vice versa. But what we had was so special and it just so hard to let go. All those memories, laughter, her being my first true love, wow, just so many things. She will always be in my heart.
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