shayna Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I can't stand this anymore. I know they will be together even though he has said nothing will happen. How am I supposed to get over about 9 years of what I thought was a relationship worth being in? I'm almost 5 months in and I feel NO different- so much worse because I know they have slept together 3 months into our split. I have tried SO hard to stop contacting him, but whenever I know they will be together (even as friends) I freak out yet again. I wish she would drop off the face of this earth- how can she be nice to me when she has every intention of trying to get him into a relationship!! There is no stopping my knowing either. We are in the same group of friends and word gets around even if you tell people not to talk about him. I refuse to stop my beloved activities (activities we used to share together). I have lost so much recently I just CAN'T lose that too...father with cancer, possible cancer myself, losing my house in the breakup, starting school again, being constantly lonely because some friends have spent more time with him. Like BHKS, I am so sad I just can't do this anymore. How can people recover when the partner they still deeply love begins a new relationship with another?
lonelybuthappy Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I can't stand this anymore. I know they will be together even though he has said nothing will happen. How am I supposed to get over about 9 years of what I thought was a relationship worth being in? I'm almost 5 months in and I feel NO different- so much worse because I know they have slept together 3 months into our split. I have tried SO hard to stop contacting him, but whenever I know they will be together (even as friends) I freak out yet again. I wish she would drop off the face of this earth- how can she be nice to me when she has every intention of trying to get him into a relationship!! There is no stopping my knowing either. We are in the same group of friends and word gets around even if you tell people not to talk about him. I refuse to stop my beloved activities (activities we used to share together). I have lost so much recently I just CAN'T lose that too...father with cancer, possible cancer myself, losing my house in the breakup, starting school again, being constantly lonely because some friends have spent more time with him. Like BHKS, I am so sad I just can't do this anymore. How can people recover when the partner they still deeply love begins a new relationship with another? You are healing now. 5 months is still too fresh. Take your time, accept yourself, that you are wounded, be gentle with yourself. Don't rush in another relationship until you are completely over your ex. You can lost everything, but you still have yourself. Think positive, you are healthy, you are worthy....Easy, day by day...God is with you, He will give you sun, and you need those clouds now, to enjoy sun even more....
bustertypsy Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Shayna,my heart bleeds for you.I can only begin to imagine how you feel.I am going thru a breakup like you,but I don't have all the other complications that you have.To have to deal with so much all at one time,well that's a hell of a lot in anyone's book. If you feel it is too much,then please consider getting professional help. I and many others like me on this forum are here to support you,always remember that.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Hey there hun Listen me not wanting to go on was not just about the ex, mine was issues that run back as far as my childhood incl not feeling good enough ever, being totally overwhelmed with stress & having to go back to his village and passing him also, being exhausted, recovering from depression and being off my meds now etc. Mine was a blip and am doing ok now. I think you would benefit from reading a book about "how to mend a broken heart", one of the best ones that helped me was "starting over men are from mars women are from venus" it takes you through the varies stages of break up/healing, also giving you exercises to do aswell. I think you need to grieve and get the love you feel out of your system, its the only way you'll move forward. The best advice I can give you, which is no way a cure but you do need some new memories of some new things too look back on So book a holiday, a concert, a girls nights out, girls night in, pampering day, day at a theme park. Look after yourself, exercise, eat well, sleep well and go have some massages because you will like the human hands on contact you get from it your brain will appreciate it (I read this in one of my how to mend a broken heart books). Learn to laugh again, rent your favourite comedy, go see something funny, it might start slow but eventually you'll start laughing again and realise that there is smiles and laughter after a break up. Keep busy, like I said exercise, go to a class and meet some new people, go out with friends as much as possible, go shopping, go for a walk in the countryside etc - the distraction from over thinking will be a welcome break for your mind and your body. {{{{{hugs}}}} It takes time but if you do the above hopefully it will make it a little bit bareable in between.
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