hoc11 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 My gf and I have been dating for almost 9 months now. Things are great, I love her with all my heart and hope to marry her someday. One problem I have is that her parents are very strict and demanding. A little info on them: they are both doctors, are a little older (and therefore old-fashioned), and come from a different country. Now, I have no direct problems with them personally, they like me very much, as I do them, do not interfere (directly or intentionally anyway) with our relationship and are very nice people. The problem is, they are pretty strict for what I'm used to. My gf is 24 and has moved back in with them after she finished college. They do not let us spend the night with each other (which is fine), give her a curfew even on weekends, and put all kinds of pressure on her to go back to school and choose a different caree and make more money. They have very high expectations being doctors and sometimes I feel under a great deal of pressure myself, like I must live up to their standards, make a lot of money, etc to ever have a chance of a future with their daughter. My decision to go to grad school in a full time program to pursue a health care field that I will make more money in was in part influenced by that fact. Sometimes I feel like they control her life. For example: we were hanging out the other night and her mom called at 9:30 pm and made her come home immediately b/c she had to get up early for work the next day. Situations like this make me feel like we're in high school and I wonder how a 24 year old can be under so much control by her parents. This makes me worried that if we ever did get married and had a life together that they would constantly be trying to manipulate and control every aspect of her life, which would then also me MY life. Has anyone had any experience with something like this. I mean I get so frustrated that at 25 years old I can't even take a trip with my gf because her parents won't let her go for fear that we might sleep together- which we've already done anyway. I mean at 24, having lived away at college for 4 years, she's had plenty of opportunities to sleep with guys (which she did not do while she was there), what do they feel the need to shelter her for at this age? What should/can I do?
Lee725 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 There proabably isnt much you can do babe. You will not be able to drive a wedge between a daughter and her parents. Yes at 24 she should be a little more independant of them, but this is her choice. Any interferance from you may cause her to reject you, she must want to please them and make them happy, otherwise she would stand up for what she wants. You probably only have 2 choices here (just in my little mind). Stay with her and take it as it comes, be patient and understanding that she wants to live up to the expectations which her parents have for her or Leave her, move on with your life and there is always the chance that later on you might meet up when she has finished uni and has her job so that her parents wont be putting so much pressure on her. It is a hard situation and only you can decide which is the right path for you to take, but please dont try to interfer between them because ultimately it is likely that you will be the one which will end up getting hurt.
amaysngrace Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 When I lived with my parents I had to do as they said too. Because it was their house. So I followed their rules. Maybe they are being extra hard on her to make her want to get out? Or maybe they are testing her love for you? Or yours for her? Who knows why they are doing what they do but as her parents you can be sure that they are doing it with her best interest at heart. That's how parents are. And you have to respect that. When I left home my parents didn't interfere much. Actually not at all. They'd only give me advice when I asked for it. Her parents sound like they are solid people. Did you ever ask them if they'd have a problem with you guys going on a trip? Did you ever tell them that they've influenced you to further your education? You know if you approach them as people rather than as parents then maybe they will see you are an adult. And maybe that's what they're looking for?
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