Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 When we're listening to stories from women dealing with an absent man, we usually tell her, "If he's not calling you/making efforts to contact you, he's probably not that interested." The whole, "He's just not that into you" thing. But what about guys? If a girl isn't calling, what thoughts go through a guy's head? Same thoughts? Or does a guy feel more responsibility for initiating communication? Are a guy's concerns more related to a woman calling back (and if so, how quickly, how often, etc.)? This has no application in my life, I'm simply curious what your thoughts are.
oppath Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 If a woman is not calling me once for every two times I call her, I certainly pay attention after a while. It is hard not to notice inequality. Basically, I want the girl to get back to me within a few hours if I call; she does not have to have time to talk for an hour, just 5 minutes. I really feel like a woman is not very interested if I feel like I am chasing after a couple weeks of dating. The chase is fun -- INITIALLY -- but it gets old quick. I personally need a woman I've gone out with, oh, let's say 3 times, to be calling me once a week on her own volition, and initiating 1-in-3 dates after that point. If she's not, I feel like it takes work to see her, and I don't believe in a relationship feeling that way. I want them to feel organic and natural, and the only way I will feel that is if the woman takes some decisive initiative of her own.
sumdude Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Everyone's different but I think it's all about 50/50. If you find yourself making all the effort to initiate then you start to believe the other person isn't all that interested. You don't want to be clingy or needy by having to make all the calls or have to play the game too much.
jerbear Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I would usually intiate contact and do a chase after awhile and leave messages. If she said she'll call back, I'll take her word for it and "wait" for her call. Meanwhile still do my own thing and not wait by the phone. I would be doing my own thing making tentative plans and go from there. If she doesn't call back, call back after a day or so and say hi. After a week of me chasing, I give up and move on.
BlueEyedGirl Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I was once going out with a guy for about 2 months. I have never called him first during that time, he would always call me, always initiate dates etc (I was actually following THE RULES). So 2 months in, he says we need to talk. He was breaking up with me because he said he needed a girlfriend that called him sometimes and actually seemed interested in spending time with him. I didn't like him all that much so I let it go but so much for THE RULES.
oasis Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Men are by nature hunters and are expected to do most of the calling. Some days, I wish that I was a member of the opposite sex so that I can feel free to phone more often. I for one, gauge's a man's interest in me, by him doing most of the calling. If he calls me often, I will call him after every two or three calls. I will return calls if a voicemail was left. I feel that calling a man frequently, makes me appear too interested. And that is definitely not good.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I guess i'm old fashioned and think that the guy should do most of the calling early on in the relationship. I generally try to call my bf though, but most of the time he does call me. I guess I just think of it as the guy should do the chasing type thing. It's perfectly fine for me to call though, but sometimes i'm afraid i'll call too much and freak him out. My bf isn't a big phone person so I try not to "overcall" him.
oppath Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I have a female friend who WILL NOT CALL a guy until they are bf-gf. She's been single for 3 years .
sumdude Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Men are by nature hunters and are expected to do most of the calling. Some days, I wish that I was a member of the opposite sex so that I can feel free to phone more often. I for one, gauge's a man's interest in me, by him doing most of the calling. If he calls me often, I will call him after every two or three calls. I will return calls if a voicemail was left. I feel that calling a man frequently, makes me appear too interested. And that is definitely not good. ah yess... the old hard to get strategy, one way to weed them out just don't play it to hard.
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