jcster Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I had purchased the baseball tickets and paid for parking and round 1 of drinks. She didn't bring me a beer when she went to the bathroom and came back with a water. NEXT!!! That's just plain rude. If you buy the tickets...I buy the beer! I don't care if you're my next door neighbor's grandma...them's the rules!
oppath Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 That's just plain rude. If you buy the tickets...I buy the beer! I don't care if you're my next door neighbor's grandma...them's the rules! I would say if someone buys the tickets and pays for parking, you are paying for beers (multiple) and food at least to the cost of your own ticket. If the guy makes more money, consider the parking fee the date, but pony up and buy two beers and a hot dog for him. Thems are the rules. I'm sorry, but her coming back with water and a tub of popcorn and offering to share the popcorn was lame. However, to the OP, this example is maybe 1 out of 10 women. It is not common. And I figured she was such before hand. If I weren't making more money, I would not have asked her out. You have to calibrate your efforts to what you think the pay off is, but $3.00 for a cup of coffee certainly is not a lot to ask.
Trialbyfire Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Here's what I and my group of friends have always done. First dates tend to be paid for by the guy, unless it's someone you don't want to have a second date. It's because most guys expect and want to pay the first time. If I pay the first time, it's because I want to dine and dash, wanting no further obligation to the guy. The dates after that tend to alternate for payment unless the guy is insistent. Even then, I sometimes sneak off and pay the bill, anyways. It's only fair. I will say that the guys I date can always afford it, but then, so can I, so I don't see the difference.
Woggle Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I am not rude to women or anything but they don't get special treatment for being female. As far as I am concerned they can do their own heavy lifting and I have just as much a need to sit down as they do. I am talking about winning the battle of the sexes which men are losing badly these days because while we still hold on to old chivalrous ways women have declared war on us. Men need to fight back. My wife is the main supervisior at a company that sells restaraunt and bar equimpment. Her company supplies the majority of the people on the boardwalk and much of the Jersey Shore. She gets the chivalrous treatment becauise I know she does not want to go to war against me.
OpenBook Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Actually, when the guy assumes you're going to pay your way, that's a good indicator of his (lack of) romantic interest in you. My guy friends don't even ask about splitting the bill, they just do it - unless they're feeling especially generous that day. But when a man has amorous intentions towards me, he would rather stick a hot poker in his eye than let me pay for any part of the meal. It may be chivalrous, but I think it's more of a "Look at me, I'm the man, I'm in charge" type of thing. He's trying to "establish" himself in my eyes. But once we're a "couple" (steady BF or married), who picks up the tab is a moot point, as we're already pooling our financial resources by that point anyway.
OpenBook Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 But if I'm on a date, early in the relationship (i.e., I don't know him that well), and he reaches for the bill, I always offer to help pay for it. And when he turns me down (and they usually do!!) I give him a sincere thank you and tell him how much I enjoyed the meal.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I am not rude to women or anything but they don't get special treatment for being female. As far as I am concerned they can do their own heavy lifting and I have just as much a need to sit down as they do. Well on the basis that it is a known fact that men are phyically stronger than women in most instances, I think this is totally off. And women sit down, yeah in between looking after the kids, the home, the shopping, the cooking mmm!!
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I always pay my share, always have, however its nice to offer and shows that the man is interested in the female having a good time.
Woggle Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Well on the basis that it is a known fact that men are phyically stronger than women in most instances, I think this is totally off. And women sit down, yeah in between looking after the kids, the home, the shopping, the cooking mmm!! That's not my problem. A woman can either do the lifting herself or get some poor sucker to do it for her but I am no poor sucker. About sitting I work all day just like a woman does and while I no longer take the subway if I did I would not give up my seat to a woman.
luvmy2ns Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Woggle, why, oh why must you always make everything out to be a men vs. women issue? I don't care WHO does the asking, if ANYONE asks ANYONE out, THEY are the one making the invitation. THEY are the one who pays. This is, of course, during the beginning stages of getting to know one another. Once you're in an exclusive relationship, sometimes plans get made together. Often by then you're sharing a household. My sweety and I just pay together, or one pays if the other did last, or whatever works at the moment. But when you invite a stranger out for a cup of coffee, you bet you'd better expect to pay, tightwad!
tomwiz Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Women to a certain degree intrinsically are looking for providers, if you are not willing to pay for a cup of coffee, it kind of speaks volumes about you. Not saying its bad or good, just stating that its the right thing to do if you want to start off on the right foot.
Trialbyfire Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Women to a certain degree intrinsically are looking for providers, if you are not willing to pay for a cup of coffee, it kind of speaks volumes about you. Not saying its bad or good, just stating that its the right thing to do if you want to start off on the right foot. Not everyone needs a provider, although some do. More than anything, I can't stand a cheap guy. It concerns me that if he's cheap with his money, he's probably cheap with other, more important things. My preference is a guy who's generous with his money with others, but is thrifty enough with himself to ensure that he's fiscally responsible. It's the way I live my life, although it doesn't mean I don't spoil myself too. I spend what I can afford to spend.
tomwiz Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Thats for the most part what i meant, I didnt really mean to state a provider in a financial matter. I mainly meant that typically a man who is generous with his money is going to be generous in other areas too, and someone who won't pay for a cup of coffee probably won't be as generous in other more important areas.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Thats for the most part what i meant, I didnt really mean to state a provider in a financial matter. I mainly meant that typically a man who is generous with his money is going to be generous in other areas too, and someone who won't pay for a cup of coffee probably won't be as generous in other more important areas. Yep I agree with this.
Trialbyfire Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Thats for the most part what i meant, I didnt really mean to state a provider in a financial matter. I mainly meant that typically a man who is generous with his money is going to be generous in other areas too, and someone who won't pay for a cup of coffee probably won't be as generous in other more important areas. Exactly. Having said what I did, one of the gifts I value the most, is a picture of my deceased grandmother. My ex took the time to set up a photoshoot, without my knowledge, and took one of the most emotionally sensitive pics of her, just before she died. He also managed to acquire one of her own frames from my parents, after she passed away. He was very generous with his gifts to me but also, in this gift, more generous from the heart, than anything I could ever ask for. In this, he was an amazing man.
Woggle Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Everything about dating and relation ships for the most is about men vs women.
luvmy2ns Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Everything about dating and relation ships for the most is about men vs women. In your mind. Everyone is different. Women are not all the same just as men are not all the same. Can you get a grip on that? You know, much of what you say I agree with, Woggle, but you have got to stop being so angry at women lest your vision become so clouded you have no objectivity left with which to post.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 its not men verus women, its not women verus men. It's dating, a coming together of two people, hopefully to go forward and enjoy each others company and interact with each other - not against one another.
Sunblast Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 My preference is a guy who's generous with his money with others, but is thrifty enough with himself to ensure that he's fiscally responsible. It's the way I live my life, although it doesn't mean I don't spoil myself too. I spend what I can afford to spend. Haha, oh that's classic: My preference is a guy who keeps his own expenses low so he can spend it all on ME-ME-ME! "I spend what I can afford to spend manage to take from him. Classic American chick.
Trialbyfire Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Haha, oh that's classic: My preference is a guy who keeps his own expenses low so he can spend it all on ME-ME-ME! Classic American chick. I'm not American but I want him to spend it on others, instead of himself, himself, himself. I don't value the value of gifts, I value gifts of meaning. Read further down the posts. Btw, I'm also generous with my gifts. When my ex-H proposed and gave me an engagement ring, I took him shopping for the motorcycle of his choice.
luvmy2ns Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Haha, oh that's classic: My preference is a guy who keeps his own expenses low so he can spend it all on ME-ME-ME! "I spend what I can afford to spend manage to take from him. Classic American chick. ...a little tidbit from So Cal where the people are so - ahem - "real."
Sunblast Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 If I had a dollar (I'm American) for every time I heard this from a woman online or even in person. Wtf. So many girls, and how come none of them take ME shopping for a motorcycle (or truck or convertible)? I see women on all advice forums berate men who don't want to spend money on women just because they are women. I think if we are spending our money, you better act like a woman. [Here Tryalbyfire says, well, I ALWAYS act like a woman, I do such-and-such-and-such]. Come on! Come to a date dressed like a woman - sexy and classy. Act like one, too - with respect, and make the man look good in public. And when you come home, be sexy and show us you can do more than tastelessly grind and spread them. And then, lo and behold, you'll find all manner of stuff brought to you. Otherwise, why bother?
Trialbyfire Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 If I had a dollar (I'm American) for every time I heard this from a woman online or even in person. Wtf. So many girls, and how come none of them take ME shopping for a motorcycle (or truck or convertible)? I see women on all advice forums berate men who don't want to spend money on women just because they are women. I think if we are spending our money, you better act like a woman. [Here Tryalbyfire says, well, I ALWAYS act like a woman, I do such-and-such-and-such]. Come on! Come to a date dressed like a woman - sexy and classy. Act like one, too - with respect, and make the man look good in public. And when you come home, be sexy and show us you can do more than tastelessly grind and spread them. And then, lo and behold, you'll find all manner of stuff brought to you. Otherwise, why bother? With your attitude, good luck with women. Give to you first and then you will pay for tricks...
Woggle Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Men and women experience relationships and dating in very different ways so yes it is men vs women because you are talking about two perspectives colliding.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 You are viewing it as a war, as a battle, it isn't. There is no competition to win.
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