joel Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 ok on the topic of paying lets say u now a girl from off the internet and u chatted on msn for like half hr sometimes more or less-depending on the girl, all and all u barely still hardly now each other-so u ask her out for coffee to get to now her better the thing is i had times when i meet the girl and we go up to starbucks counter and pay and she eyeing me with the corner of her eye(pretty much expecting me and wanting me to pay). i like ah i don't even now you and you don't even now me. hey its not even a date, jsut to meet up and see each other. the thing is why should i pay even 5 bucks, i'm a student and i have worked before, i made like minimum wage or at times a little over minimum wage(which is like very little money) do u thinks its fair that i should pay for her or not. i decided not to pay. and i don't. shes a stranger and its not even a date, but a meet up. i don't now her at all. and she doesn;t now me-why should i pay. she not a friend or anything ,but a online person i want to meet and see if any sparks for further meet ups this goes for the same thing if for a girl i meet in class-i'm a student, we hardly now each other. and i ask her out to go get something to eat in dwtn-we bus out and she kind of expected me to pay-by her actions and look on her face. i mean this isn't even a date, its just hanging out. i wasn't even attracted to her or even liked her too much-we had not much in common at all. i just asked her to come along b/c i was borrrreddd. really needed to go dwtn to buy shoes, and asked if she come along for company. the thing is i don;t mind paying for coffee , dinner ...etc or what not i have money just not a lot. i don't make much and i also am a student. i have bills to pay...etc i don;t have much for disposable income. the thing is if i have to pay for coffee i don;t mind, but if it continues with me paying every date and we go out like 2x's a wk to movie, dinner, eat out, and what not-how can u tell shes really into you for you or not just using yoou for a freebies. it happen to a friend of a friend before. ya how can u tell ur not getting used and used jsut for the free meals and what not . i mean u go out with a girl for lunch and u pay her part 20 bucks, dinner another time at 20 and then after that u pay for her movie too 15 it all adds up and if u don;t get a 3rd date, she not longer intersted or what not u just lost like 55 bucks on this girl it could be more or less. ok considering u don't make much haivng a p/t job as a cashier and student -that is money. but if it was u just paid for her dinner once and the rest of the time she paid her own u just wasted 20 bucks or better she paid her own-u lose nothing yes but after how many times . i not making a lot of money in my little over min wage job and i got bills and payments to make. if u pay all the time how do u now shes into u or just for the freebies-like i said. i just like freeloaders i want to find out right away if shes into me or we have anythign in common in the first or at most second date-i don;t want to waste money on someone i barely now. it all adds up
Tony T Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 If you invited her to meet you for coffee, you're the one who should pay. It's not a matter of what's right and what's wrong, it's a matter of simple courtesy. A female will look at you real hard and not very favorably if you have difficulty springing for something as simple as coffee. If buying a lady a cup of coffee causes you this much grief, you are certainly in no financial condition to date. Save your money and try again next year.
oppath Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 If I meet a girl for coffee, for lunch, whatever, while it is not a date-date, it is still a date. If you ask a woman out and you haven't earlier established a friendship or it is not a professional meeting, it is a date. As for money, I'm with you as a grad student, that is why I stick to the cheap events. I've found that most women, after we go out a couple times, will pay every other time, because they are conscious of my status.
melodymatters Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 If you invited her to meet you for coffee, you're the one who should pay. It's not a matter of what's right and what's wrong, it's a matter of simple courtesy. A female will look at you real hard and not very favorably if you have difficulty springing for something as simple as coffee. If buying a lady a cup of coffee causes you this much grief, you are certainly in no financial condition to date. Save your money and try again next year. Thank you Tony T ! :cool:
Trialbyfire Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 If you're not clear about whether it's a date or to use oppath's term, date-date( ), how's a girl to know the difference? If it's a first date-date, the last thing a girl wants to do, is to hurt a guy's pride.
jerbear Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I follow my own rules: 1) If I ask her out then I pay. 2) If she asked me out, I try to pay unless the sisterhood (waitress and her are in cahoots by giving her the check; or she sneaks out to pay before coming back from the bathroom) 3) If she beats me to it, offer to pay tip. 4) If she really insists and threatens your life or break up with you, offer her the option to pay the tip.
compassion42 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Tony T hit the nail on the head Please take his advice.
Author joel Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 sure its adds up. if u don;t make much , and doesn;t work out what happens u loose all ur money 20 here, 15, 25, 45, it all adds up i ain't rich. what does she give back in return, i went with girls for 2 months and go no sex either did i pressure em-we both live at home. school is $. why should i pay all time , i more into cheap activies like coffee, tennis, hiking, seeing bands play, ...etc anymore lol i going start acting and looking like this guy, he seems playerish, and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5C_RpdaGqa8
jcster Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 20 here, 15, 25, 45, it all adds up i ain't rich. what does she give back in return, i went with girls for 2 months and go no sex either May I suggest a prostitute? Lots more "bang for your buck," if you get my drift.
Woggle Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Unless we are seriously involved I won't give a woman ten cents to put cheese on a whopper. No woman is using me for a free meal.
Monty P Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I know what you're saying, I'm in the same boat financially, but I agree with other posters. To me it is at least a courtesy to pay, whether it is a real "date" or not. If I ask her, I pay. If she asks me, I offer to pay. Not to sound like a jerk here, but I look at it as, it's just coffee. Better $5.00 on that than $50.00 for dinner if it don't work out.
LoisLane Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 It's really simple. You don't have the money, don't date.
IrishCarBomb Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 It's really simple. You don't have the money, don't date. In addition, if you type like a fool, don't use the intenet to meet women.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Wow your really 33? Well you did ask her out for coffee, so I think it would be normal for her to think you would pay. Also we are only talking a few quid/bucks here. That said going 50/50 for the first date or so is also acceptable, but what are you asking for her to pay for you to go out because you have no money? Also is it really as waste? Not only do you get to spend some time with women you also potentially meeting the love of your life over the span of dating a few women. How is this a waste? How is having fun a waste? Is you eating out a waste? Cause you could eat in and save yourself money Is getting coffee out a waste? cause you have a kettle and a jar at home right. I think you should stop dating until you can afford too do it properly. Guess it depends on how high up your priority ladder it is, if its more important than going for beer after work or whatever you'll make it happen. Perhaps your trying to do too much that your budget won't stretch too.
Sunblast Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Bro, don't pay. **** 'er. Pay when you want to, and don't pay when you don't want to - trust your gut feeling, and with enough experience, you will calibrate yourself to what's best both socially and for your own self-respect.
amerikajin Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I think you should at least offer to pay if you're the one who asked. You offer to pay for coffee and maybe the first dinner. After that, she has to at least start offering in return; otherwise, you'll become a meal ticket.
Sean0775 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 It depends really. I generally try to make dates at sitdown restaurants where you pay after you're done, that way if I don't feel any chemistry I can let her pay her own bill. I've been used for free dinners a couple times, and that's time and money I could have spent doing something worthwhile.
Author joel Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 It depends really. I generally try to make dates at sitdown restaurants where you pay after you're done, that way if I don't feel any chemistry I can let her pay her own bill. I've been used for free dinners a couple times, and that's time and money I could have spent doing something worthwhile. ya i hear ya. ppl say the girl is spending time with u and taking her time out to see u, well its goes both ways too. the guy has to too right. u both are making each other companions. i've been uised for free dinners too paid and never saw her again spend like 40 bucks. this is second date, lol she was a freeloader too from talking to her afterwards-said she like talking 4 samples , bringing home food in containers in buffets, ripping out multipe coupons and going to the same palce over and over again for free drinks they had at 7 11. thats why i rather just go for coffee or at most go for a walk in park or just for a walk
KittenMoon Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I don't let guys buy me stuff, for this express reason. No drinks, dinner, etc (w/ the exception of on my bday, or if its a specific non-romantic gesture, like a congratulatory thing). I'd rather not wonder if he's doing out of some male obligation. When we're official, the bar starts to slide, but slowly. Even my exbf of 6 years, I didn't like it when he spent a lot of money on me. >strikes a modern girl pose< I pay my own way!
Author joel Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 lol i can afford coffee, i can afford dinner....etc and what not. but why pay for someone u barely hardly now. i mean this fat obese girl once got interested in me, for some dumb reason i asked her out-not even intersted at all she said yes. i mean come on she should be totally flabbergasted that a toned sporty above avg looks guys even talk to her. its not a date. she kind of in a way expected me to pay. i was ah ok. it depends if they girl is a 3,4,5, and obese she should be happy a guy even talk to her. its like a brad pitt and a roseanne, the roseanne should be happy and be paying that a brad pitt is with her. brad pitt will pay once in a while ,but not always. hey if i gonna pay i might as well geta fine hotty at least a 7, i ain;t goin lower, gotta get ur moneys worth . i go for a 4 ,but i might at most is spend some cheap dinner, on her. its about getting ur moneys worth thats all I don't let guys buy me stuff, for this express reason. No drinks, dinner, etc (w/ the exception of on my bday, or if its a specific non-romantic gesture, like a congratulatory thing). I'd rather not wonder if he's doing out of some male obligation. When we're official, the bar starts to slide, but slowly. Even my exbf of 6 years, I didn't like it when he spent a lot of money on me. >strikes a modern girl pose< I pay my own way!
oppath Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Bro, don't pay. **** 'er. Pay when you want to, and don't pay when you don't want to - trust your gut feeling, and with enough experience, you will calibrate yourself to what's best both socially and for your own self-respect. But if you can't afford $3, you shouldn't be dating. There are numerous CHEAP dating options. Most women will understand if you don't have much money. It's a peave of mine. When I had money last summer, making $7000 a month in my internship, I'd take women to more expensive outings. However, since I was a grad student before that, and a grad student again now, where I make $1600 a month, I was very sensitive. If the woman wasn't counteroffering or offering to pay dutch after date 3, I'd stop seeing her. As a grad student, I don't take the woman out to dinner until we've been fooling around, and I try to select them wisely. I've had several experiences where I've paid for an evening and the woman asks me out a few days later. They'd then end the dating relationship, but they wanted to take me out to make it up for me that they didn't feel large chemistry when they knew I didn't have much money. There are MANY women like that. If they know you don't have much money up front, and you wait a few dates to spend on them, chances are, they will not let you be a meal ticket, and if they aren't feeling it, they are going to pay their share or make it up to you. Basically, you can have 3 dates for less than $20. Coffee. Pizza and air hockey. Throwing a frisbee in a park and then gelato. If the girl knows you are a student and do not have much money, she will be thrilled to do those things if she likes you. Women do understand -- at least the ones you would want to date -- that you don't have much money. If a girl is the type who "wants guys to take her to dinner," you can weed those women out. Plenty of women don't need that until you are in a relationship, and they only want to be taken out occassionally to feel special, and they typically make it up to you by wearing sexy lingerie and giving blow jobs.
luvmy2ns Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 lol i can afford coffee, i can afford dinner....etc and what not. but why pay for someone u barely hardly now. i mean this fat obese girl once got interested in me, for some dumb reason i asked her out-not even intersted at all she said yes. i mean come on she should be totally flabbergasted that a toned sporty above avg looks guys even talk to her. its not a date. she kind of in a way expected me to pay. i was ah ok. it depends if they girl is a 3,4,5, and obese she should be happy a guy even talk to her. its like a brad pitt and a roseanne, the roseanne should be happy and be paying that a brad pitt is with her. brad pitt will pay once in a while ,but not always. hey if i gonna pay i might as well geta fine hotty at least a 7, i ain;t goin lower, gotta get ur moneys worth . i go for a 4 ,but i might at most is spend some cheap dinner, on her. its about getting ur moneys worth thats all This was quite an ugly post. And I got news for ya, honey. With your vocabulary, you'd be LUCKY to get ANY gal to give you the time of day. What you need is a bubble headed bleached blonde with fake titties who has no clue what a man with decent verbal skills should sound like.
oppath Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 i mean this fat obese girl once got interested in me, for some dumb reason i asked her out-not even intersted at all she said yes. i mean come on she should be totally flabbergasted that a toned sporty above avg looks guys even talk to her. its not a date. she kind of in a way expected me to pay. i was ah ok. Yes, it is a date. If you ask a woman to spend time with you, and it's not a clear friendship, and it is not a professional meeting, then it is a date. A date is two people who meet to see if they have any compatibility and chemistry. A date is not defined as dressing up night and going on a candle-lit dinner. Any one-on-one interaction is a date. It's like how some people think DATING = RELATIONSHIP. No, if I am dating someone, all that means is that we have gone out on a few dates and presumably, we have plans to go out on a few more. Presumably, the girl is also DATING, as in going on dates, with other guys. it depends if they girl is a 3,4,5, and obese she should be happy a guy even talk to her. its like a brad pitt and a roseanne, the roseanne should be happy and be paying that a brad pitt is with her. brad pitt will pay once in a while ,but not always. LAME. If you are going out with women you could not possibly feel attraction for, that speaks pretty low regarding your self confidence. Are you sure you look all sporty, or do you look more like a troll?
Lauriebell82 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 lol i can afford coffee, i can afford dinner....etc and what not. but why pay for someone u barely hardly now. i mean this fat obese girl once got interested in me, for some dumb reason i asked her out-not even intersted at all she said yes. i mean come on she should be totally flabbergasted that a toned sporty above avg looks guys even talk to her. its not a date. she kind of in a way expected me to pay. i was ah ok. Omg, aren't we a little full of ourself? This is a terrible way of looking at dating. I would be incredibly offended if a guy acted this way. I don't think you should be dating or even asking girls to even hang out as friends with this mentallity. Sheesh even my guy friends who have no interest in me and I have no interest in will pay for a coffee for me sometimes. You really need to change your attitude dude, or else you are never going to find a decent person to have a relationship with!
dbtmarley Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 If your not looking to make a great first impression then make her pay by all means. Just don't expect a second date or a third date for that matter. This might just be the way to go! You don't pay for anything other than your coffee and get to meet lots of potential women... My advice, keep doing your thing and go and pay for a good quality porn magazine to relieve the constant blue ball you will be suffering... BTW, why are you going top end with a joint like Star Bucks anyways... step it down and settle for good ole Dunkin Doughnuts... 2 cups for under $3... by golly I think I just solved your problem!!!
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