hopefullove1 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I have never posted here before, I just found this site today. I have been engaged for almost a year, the wedding is in about 6 and a half months. We've been together for about 2 and a half years and we have a great relationship. But I am wondering if it's becoming more of just a friendship. When we first started dating our sex life was pretty regular, up until we were about to move in together. I slowly started backing away, but am unsure why. Over the past year and a half or so we've only had sex a handful of times. At first I thought it was just a phase but not I'm starting to wonder if it's not just that I wasn't in the mood but that I just didn't want it with him. We don't seem to share much of anything physical anymore. He doesn't push sex, because he respects me a great deal. I'm realizing that I hardly even want to kiss him. I have to say that I think I've been having doubts our entire engagement. It breaks my heart because of how great he is as a person and how he is to me, to think about not marrying him. I just don't feel there is any passion there. And I feel that if I'm having so many doubts, should I really be getting married? I am having thoughts of cheating, and I"m not that type of person AT ALL! We're both 22, so we are young. But I just don't know in my heart if I am ready. I don't know if I'm done with the whole dating scene and I just don't know if marriage is the right next step for me at this time. Am I just having cold feet? I'm starting to feel that if he came into my life a few years from now it would be different. We have similar backgrounds, same morals, spirituality, and our hopes and dreams for the future are in sync. Is that all I should get married for and hope what is missing will come? I love him dearly but I am not sure if I am "In Love" with him like I once was. Please help!
Author hopefullove1 Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 Oh, another thing. My friend is asking me a few questions to try to get a feel for what I should do. She asks: Do you miss him when you haven't seen him for a while? Not really. Does your stomach flutter when you are about to see him? No. Do you ever have a want to have sex with him? No. I try to avoid it.
wizer Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Do you know that more than half of all marriages will end in divorce? And that no one gets married with the thought that they will divorce some day? Think of those two things while I point out some serious red flags in your post. Your sex life is almost nonexistant. Your feelings about him have changed. You have serious doubts. Based on the one paragraph summary of your relationship with him it is very obvious to me that your marriage is destined for failure. You are considering marrying him only because you dont want to hurt his feelings. Don't make any decisions right now, one way or the other. Put off the wedding indefinitely to take the pressure off of you and see where your feelings go. You're quite young. Time is your friend. Use it.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Oh, another thing. My friend is asking me a few questions to try to get a feel for what I should do. She asks: Do you miss him when you haven't seen him for a while? Not really. Does your stomach flutter when you are about to see him? No. Do you ever have a want to have sex with him? No. I try to avoid it. What you really need to do is figure out what changed! Otherwise you will regret whatever choice you make!! Let this guy go and it could be something you regret forever, but marry him and your headed for disaster. So you've got some big time thinking to do! Is he fat or ugly?
4whatItsWorth Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 We're both 22, so we are young. But I just don't know in my heart if I am ready. I don't know if I'm done with the whole dating scene and I just don't know if marriage is the right next step for me at this time. Am I just having cold feet? I'm starting to feel that if he came into my life a few years from now it would be different. You'e both young. Perhaps the best thing would be to annull the wedding and tell him that you feel that you two have some issues that you need to deal with before you can be sure marriage is the next step? That will take the stress off you and you can sit down and REALLY focus on whether you really are in love with this guy, or if perhaps your feelings have changed. Remember, being "in love" isn't the fluttery feelings in your stomach. It is a much greater feeling than that. Remember the old saying "How can I miss you when you won't go away?" - you probably WOULD miss him if you two spent more time apart. Thing is, if he truly respects and loves you...then perhaps he will be alright with waiting to get married? You should also remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side...I usually only need to spend an hour with some other guy (CHATTING, nothing else) and I'll realise how lucky I am to have a guy like mine and how much I love him. I am engaged and I sometimes feel the way you described, about dating others (am 21). However, thinking about it I'd feel disgusted being kissed or having sex with any other man. I'd never trust another man the way I trust mine. Think about your fiancé kissing and having sex with anybody else - do you feel indifferent? If you did...then you're probably not in love anymore. Also, if you get to play the field again...so does he. And if he is as amazing as you said - he won't be single in a couple of years when you're ready to settle down.
Lyssa Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 When we first started dating our sex life was pretty regular, up until we were about to move in together. I slowly started backing away, but am unsure why. We don't seem to share much of anything physical anymore. I'm realizing that I hardly even want to kiss him. I have to say that I think I've been having doubts our entire engagement. I just don't feel there is any passion there. I feel that if I'm having so many doubts, should I really be getting married? I am having thoughts of cheating, and I"m not that type of person AT ALL! We're both 22, so we are young. But I just don't know in my heart if I am ready. I don't know if I'm done with the whole dating scene I'm starting to feel that if he came into my life a few years from now it would be different. We have similar backgrounds, same morals, spirituality, and our hopes and dreams for the future are in sync. Is that all I should get married for and hope what is missing will come? I would worry if I had all those questions in my head after a number of years together, especially at such a young age. Maybe you should take a sit back and ask yourself why is it that there are changes in the way you feel and in your relationship? Has he noticed it too? I find it alarming that you thought about cheating. I'm not judging you, just that if you thought about it then there must really be a huge difference in the way you feel about him now than back then. You're both very young, nothing wrong in getting married at a young age if you're both emotionally and financially stable but to have all these questions in your head.... I just don't think it's the time yet. That's my personal opinion.
Citizen Erased Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 If you have to ask a bunch of strangers whether or not you should get married, well then the answer is quite obviously no.
RecordProducer Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 You shouldn't marry him and you're too young to get married anyway. You WILL break his heart if you marry him. It's better to leave him now than in five years. Tell him the truth.
tommyr Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Should I get married? Finally an easy question: NO!! DO NOT MARRY A MAN YOU DON'T WANT SEX WITH
littlekitty Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I think most of the important points have been addressed here already. Cold feet isn't seriously doubting if you want to marry someone or questioning your entire relationship with them. Cold feet is just being in awe of the step you are about to make. Don't make this huge mistake. You'll both end up regretting it if you go through with it now. It's better to postpone the wedding and deal with issues you have - one way or the other.
Passionate69 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Is he fat or ugly? :lmao: thank for the laugh.
RecordProducer Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Is he fat or ugly? :lmao: thank for the laugh.I don't think this is a matter of looks. I also don't think it was funny.
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