rolles Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 Hi all, I wanted to post a little of my story to get some general advice as well as to help solidify my own thoughts. I'm 31, live in NYC, and I've been seperated from my wife since April, and we are headed for divorce. We married young; it's really the best thing for both of us. We've had little contact in the past few months, both of us kind of doing our own thing and trying to get used to living single again. It's all been very adult and mature. I met a woman (she's 32) through a mutual friend recently and we really seemed to hit it off. Lots of eye contact, great conversation, etc. Physically after three dates we went from a kiss on the cheek to a peck on the lips to making out in the park. It was electric. But I only wish I had met her after a year or so of dating. This is the first woman I've met since my seperation, and I've never *really* done the dating thing before. My previous relationships just kind of "happened" (all in college or prior) without a traditional courtship. I can't tell if this is something special that has potential or if this is pure rebound. Is it her, or is it the role she's filling in my life? I don't have a ton of experience with this so it's hard to gauge. Or I could be completely overanalyzing. I think I need to not put all my eggs in one basket and just continue to think of myself as available. It's scary having just gotten out of a long relationship. Am I overcomplicating it? I don't want to make the same mistakes I did in the past, but then if I really like her, why would I let her go arbitrarily in the interest of dating more? Any advice/comments would be appreciated, especially from those whove been married/seperated/divorced... Thanks
Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 You're thinking too much. It's no where near a relationship or a serious relationship. You need to chill (meaning - get your head out of your head). You've had a few dates and you connect. (More people should have this problem). Talk to your friend and let her know that you enjoy her company and want to take it steadily slow. Love doesn't have YOUR timing. If this could be something, you both should be willing to give it time to grow, flourish, etc. If it doesn't work out, fine. I think your problem is more in your head than in hers.
Author rolles Posted November 18, 2007 Author Posted November 18, 2007 You're thinking too much. It's no where near a relationship or a serious relationship. You need to chill (meaning - get your head out of your head). You've had a few dates and you connect. (More people should have this problem). Talk to your friend and let her know that you enjoy her company and want to take it steadily slow. Love doesn't have YOUR timing. If this could be something, you both should be willing to give it time to grow, flourish, etc. If it doesn't work out, fine. I think your problem is more in your head than in hers. Thanks. Didn't mean to imply that there was some problem with her, just trying to sort out the different feelings. I was more talking about whether or not to let it get serious. It's a tricky thing to deal with after marriage, as you may or may not know. It's tough to know which end is up.
OceanBlue Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 There is a book I suggest you read called "Rebuilding". It discusses rebuilding your life after divorce and touches on subsequent relationships. The thing that stuck most with me was that the first relationship after splitting up is one of the best you have - very open, great communication, etc...and sometimes (usually) more painful when it ends than your marriage ending. Some great tips in the book regarding this. That also was my experience. My first relationship after I separated was fantastic and occurred without me really entering the dating world. (friend introduced us). Without all the details, it was both amazing and very painful. I am grateful for the experience though...without it I may never have known how wonderful love can truly be. It certainly surpassed my marriage in many ways. Good luck...
Trialbyfire Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 At seven months out of an amicable separation and pending divorce, you sound like you're ready for something new. If there's no chance of some form of reconciliation with your wife, I say go for it. Why not allow yourself the opportunity to get to know someone else? The only cautionary advice I will give is that you need to take it very, very slowly. The last thing you want to do is to jump into something serious before your divorce has been finalized.
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