I cant believe it

[banksy800]

My girlfriend broke up with me yesturday, and i dont know why. She told me that she doesnt know how she feels anymore and she doesnt no if she loves me or wants to be with me. She promised me before that she wouldnt treat me like my ex's have and shes done the same thing. We didnt speak becuase she wouldnt, but we are now and were trying to be friends, but i dont know were i stand. I asked her if she wants to be with me and she said not at the moment, and i said what about in the future and she said she doesnt know. She doesnt seem to know anything that i answer and i feel so lost and scared. I have OCD and that doesnt help, i cant cope with the stress of having a mental disorder and not having anyone there with me anymore, im so lost and scared and im really frightened that im gunna end up doing something silly. Please help =( i dont understand why shes doing this when i was so nice to her, i never hurt her or treated her badly. I just treated her perfect and tried my hardest. Were meeting as friends on thursday but i dont think ic an do it. =( this is killing me and i dont know what ive done wrong

[someone3434]

"I asked her if she wants to be with me and she said not at the moment"

 

Not to sound like an ass but she already made that clear. She broke up with you. I just went through the same thing. Trust me on this when I say F her and the whole friends thing. I tried that. Last night was the worst night for me in a long time. It's not worth it man. Find someone that knows they want to be with you.

[dutchie]

"I asked her if she wants to be with me and she said not at the moment"

 

Not to sound like an ass but she already made that clear. She broke up with you. I just went through the same thing. Trust me on this when I say F her and the whole friends thing. I tried that. Last night was the worst night for me in a long time. It's not worth it man. Find someone that knows they want to be with you.

 

I agree. I know its hard, I have been there myself. But being friends right now is NOT GOING TO WORK. Sorry, but its not. If she says she doesn't want to be with you, then she doesn't. Don't cling to the false hope of friendship.

 

My advice is to back off. Don't call her, don't see her, don't write her letters or emails, no texting, no smoke signals, no notes, absolutely NO CONTACT until you feel you can handle being friends. It may never work out, but definitely not RIGHT NOW.

 

Sorry if this is harsh sounding, but it is true. Lean on friends, family, your pets, or what have you, to get you through this. I am sure OCD is not helping right now, but if it is really getting out of control, maybe you should see your doctor or therapist.

 

Good Luck.

[banksy800]

To be honest,i have alot of hope. I always have. And im a fighter. I have to be and im gunna work like **** at this. Even if no one else believes in me, im gunna work my damn hardest. She also told me shes never felt the way she has about me with anyone else, and if thats anyhing to go by, its worth it. I believe in what i feel, and i dont give up on that. Agree or not, i really wanna try my hardest, even if people dont think its worth it xD

[someone3434]

"To be honest,i have alot of hope. I always have. And im a fighter. I have to be and im gunna work like **** at this. Even if no one else believes in me, im gunna work my damn hardest. She also told me shes never felt the way she has about me with anyone else, and if thats anyhing to go by, its worth it. I believe in what i feel, and i dont give up on that. Agree or not, i really wanna try my hardest, even if people dont think its worth it xD"

 

Dude. I hear what you are saying. And I'm telling you that it isn't worth it. My ex was figuring out the names of kids 3 months ago, talking to me about moving in and getting married, telling me that no one has ever treated her the way I did, that she couldn't see doing anything in the future without me. And I'm sitting here figuring out why I met everyone else out last night so that I could be her center of attention for most of the night until some guy came along that she started talking to and I no longer existed. And everyone left last night to go home, including the people she rode with, but she stayed. It isn't worth it. No one deserves to do what you think you are willing to go through.

[luther]

My gf broke up with me yesterday as well. We have had problems for the past four months and I said the same thing as you. "Im going to fight like hell for her"

Honestly, it wont work and I just realized today that my fighting for her pushed her farther away. Had I found this site sooner and did NC, things might be different right now. Dont get me wrong Im a complete mess right now and Im struggling as I type to not go to her right now. But I know it will make things worse than they already are.

 

Sorry bro Im feeling the same as you and hope you listen to the good advice in here

[Krytie TV]

She doesn't want to be with you, and some people aren't good at saying what's really on their mind. She is saying all of these things and being vague so as to not hurt, but she doesn't realize it's not helping the situation. Her actions are what matter and she broke up with you. That's not an easy thing to do and most don't do it for no reason. This messy situation goes on as long as you let it. If you continue to pursue, it will be like reopening a scab every day you get up... it never heals.

[Brooks06]

look man, im sure you love this girl to death...i know you want to fight for her, never give up, pursure what you think is true and right. but just dont do it YET. trust me, give it a couple of weeks at least before you try anything. trying something now will only push her further away and confirm her decision. just give it two or three weeks, make her wonder what you are up to...even if she calls begging you to get back togther, calls and says she loves you forever, just dont answer. DONT RESPOND. my gf of three years left me two months ago and i made the mistake of trying to fight for her and win her back within the first week.

i got on this site and went NC for the second week. by that weekend she had called and was begging me to speak to her, and i did...it backfired, we had one last great night, and the next day she left me all over again. give it a few weeks, even if she tries to get you back. make her wonder, make her realize what shes lost. if she never realizes it, okay, move on.

but trust me, no contact is your only hope right now. eventually you can fight for her but let her realize what life is like without you. she might love it she might hate it. in the case of my ex and i, we finally talked last night for only the second time since the breakup. we are on good terms, but i cant pretend to be her friend. im going to fight for her one day, just not now. you cant fight for someone that doesnt want to be with you.

let it sink in, trust me.

for now move on, do the things you enjoy. if its meant to be it will work out for you. regardless of if its meant to be its going to work out for you. maybe you will end up with her, maybe you will have to fight to do that. just dont do it yet!!! wait! for just a little while.

[banksy800]

Just spoke 2 her and i got this "im gunna miss you, i just dont know what i want in life right now and i like bieng single, its not becuase of you, i dont know what it is, you made me really happy, and ive never felt like i have with you. My friends have always said im not the relationship type, so maybe im made to be single all my life and never get married. I just want to focus on my career ill probably end up being a single career woman or something, because i just dont know how to make things last. I dunno, im just scared."

[wizer]

To be honest,i have alot of hope. I always have. And im a fighter. I have to be and im gunna work like **** at this. Even if no one else believes in me, im gunna work my damn hardest.

 

This is how stalkers are born.

 

Listen, if you want to maximize your chances of getting her back (which are slim to none), then back off and let her come to you.

[Lee725]

I have OCD and that doesnt help, i cant cope with the stress of having a mental disorder and not having anyone there with me anymore, im so lost and scared and im really frightened that im gunna end up doing something silly. Please help =( i dont understand why shes doing this when i was so nice to her, i never hurt her or treated her badly. I just treated her perfect and tried my hardest. Were meeting as friends on thursday but i dont think ic an do it. =( this is killing me and i dont know what ive done wrong

 

Hi Banksy, try to sort out the aspects of your life you may not have control of, this may mean to find ways to effectively manage your OCD independantly, learning stress management techniques, finding out little things about yourself that you may not know, try to find yourself.

 

Once you have yourself in a calmer place, you will be able to offer another person so much more in terms of a relationship.

 

Some people dont want to spend time with someone if they feel like their partner is dependant on them.

This may not be the situtation in your case, if not forgive me.

 

Try a little bit of NC for a while(on your behalf), whether you want to take her calls is your choice, but being "unavailable" on your side and not initiating contact will give you both a chance to work out what you really want.

I know that you think right now that it is her you want, but in fact you may find this perspective will change given a little time.

 

Please remember what you are feeling now will pass so please do not do anything silly.

You will move on from this, time will make it better and help to ease the pain.

[banksy800]

Ive been trying to get used to NC, but she makes it worse. She tells me to txt her, she still meets me and i keep finding things out about her and us. According to her friend, she didnt even break up with me until yesturday, two days until she told me shed called it off. She told me that she doesnt want her life planned out and shes scared of the future and of believing in something that might end up not working. She told me on friday that she loves me and that she really doesnt want to break up with me; thats two days before all this! I dont understand how it can happen so fast, or wether shes just that confused at the moment that any feelings for me have been hidden under the confussion. Im just so confused and scared. Everytime i try and not txt her, i go about an hour at the mostbefore i cant stand the pain any longer. And now ive found out im seeing her 3 times this week, its going to get harder. Wednesday at a concert, Thursday down town and maybe Saturday at mine. I know this is meant to be as "just friends" but i dont know how im going to react when were sitting on my bed and all i want to do is fall asleep with her and it cant happen :'( . I cant help but think that this is partly my fault. I freaked out on friday when she told me she was confused but didnt want to break up with me etc and i started saying things like you dont love me etc and ive realised thats just made her more confused =(

[Uhriventis]

I did what you are about to do. I fought and fought... Oh god, I can't even explain how hard I fought. For three months of my life I was at the lowest I've ever been emotionally. She hurt me so terribly bad- giving the same excuses she is telling you now. I was literally sick and probably should have been hospitalized. With all the false hope she gave me and dead ends I found. However, it seemed she always knew exactly what to say to make sure. Yeah, we got back together again after three months of her laughing about me in front of her friends and then cheating on me when we got back together. We are now apart. Though it's hard I manage not to talk to her whatsoever. And I do know what OCD is- I have it. But, for your own sake just ignore her. It hurts and you will dream about her. But, be strong.

[banksy800]

I did what you are about to do. I fought and fought... Oh god, I can't even explain how hard I fought. For three months of my life I was at the lowest I've ever been emotionally. She hurt me so terribly bad- giving the same excuses she is telling you now. I was literally sick and probably should have been hospitalized. With all the false hope she gave me and dead ends I found. However, it seemed she always knew exactly what to say to make sure. Yeah, we got back together again after three months of her laughing about me in front of her friends and then cheating on me when we got back together. We are now apart. Though it's hard I manage not to talk to her whatsoever. And I do know what OCD is- I have it. But, for your own sake just ignore her. It hurts and you will dream about her. But, be strong.

 

Thats the thing, i keep dreaming about her, every night and ill be fine the night before and when i wake up ill realise that shes not there anymore, and the first tihng ill do is cry and text her. This is actually worse than any feeling ive got from OCD, any image or thought any obsession at all. I only have to hear her name and i break down. I just know on wednesday that im going to break down crying, expecially when the band im seeing (the used) play one of there slower songs. And i know im going to run out, and i know she wont follow me to see if im ok. I just wish shed show me some sign that she actually cares anymore, when i know she doesnt. I know for a fact if i ignore her, thats it. She wont care, she wont miss me, she wont give. I spend everynight up till 3, drawing pictures and writting slow sad songs and sitting there with my guitar wishing i could sing them to her, and try and make her love me again. But i know thats never going to happen and i just wish i could change everything to make me a better person/

[Jmina]

Ive been trying to get used to NC, but she makes it worse. She tells me to txt her, she still meets me and i keep finding things out about her and us. According to her friend, she didnt even break up with me until yesturday, two days until she told me shed called it off. She told me that she doesnt want her life planned out and shes scared of the future and of believing in something that might end up not working. She told me on friday that she loves me and that she really doesnt want to break up with me; thats two days before all this! I dont understand how it can happen so fast, or wether shes just that confused at the moment that any feelings for me have been hidden under the confussion. Im just so confused and scared. Everytime i try and not txt her, i go about an hour at the mostbefore i cant stand the pain any longer. And now ive found out im seeing her 3 times this week, its going to get harder. Wednesday at a concert, Thursday down town and maybe Saturday at mine. I know this is meant to be as "just friends" but i dont know how im going to react when were sitting on my bed and all i want to do is fall asleep with her and it cant happen :'( . I cant help but think that this is partly my fault. I freaked out on friday when she told me she was confused but didnt want to break up with me etc and i started saying things like you dont love me etc and ive realised thats just made her more confused =(

 

 

 

LISTEN!this is the exact reason to stay away. she is confused. she doesnt want to be with you right now, but you are making her feel pretty guilty about it, its hard for her because she cares about you, but what you offered her she turned away. so why would she take it again with you pushing it in her face? i guess we have all been there, i knwo i have! i tried my hardest too and do you know where it got me?

 

well we dont talk a tall anymore and the chance of being friends in the future is very slim.

 

and no your case isnt different because we were soul mates, she loved me so dearly, 3 nights before she left she woke up in the middle of the night crying after a bad dream begging ME not to leave her...

 

we were 'made for each other' she never felt like this with anyone but me also, i made her happy too, but she broke it off.

 

she said no. she ended it. she didnt WANT it. this is the same for your ex and if you want any chance of reconciliation do NOT try to fix things.

 

it definetely will make things worse

 

Jmina

[banksy800]

Ive been trying to get used to NC, but she makes it worse. She tells me to txt her, she still meets me and i keep finding things out about her and us. According to her friend, she didnt even break up with me until yesturday, two days until she told me shed called it off. She told me that she doesnt want her life planned out and shes scared of the future and of believing in something that might end up not working. She told me on friday that she loves me and that she really doesnt want to break up with me; thats two days before all this! I dont understand how it can happen so fast, or wether shes just that confused at the moment that any feelings for me have been hidden under the confussion. Im just so confused and scared. Everytime i try and not txt her, i go about an hour at the mostbefore i cant stand the pain any longer. And now ive found out im seeing her 3 times this week, its going to get harder. Wednesday at a concert, Thursday down town and maybe Saturday at mine. I know this is meant to be as "just friends" but i dont know how im going to react when were sitting on my bed and all i want to do is fall asleep with her and it cant happen :'( . I cant help but think that this is partly my fault. I freaked out on friday when she told me she was confused but didnt want to break up with me etc and i started saying things like you dont love me etc and ive realised thats just made her more confused =(

 

 

 

LISTEN!this is the exact reason to stay away. she is confused. she doesnt want to be with you right now, but you are making her feel pretty guilty about it, its hard for her because she cares about you, but what you offered her she turned away. so why would she take it again with you pushing it in her face? i guess we have all been there, i knwo i have! i tried my hardest too and do you know where it got me?

 

well we dont talk a tall anymore and the chance of being friends in the future is very slim.

 

and no your case isnt different because we were soul mates, she loved me so dearly, 3 nights before she left she woke up in the middle of the night crying after a bad dream begging ME not to leave her...

 

we were 'made for each other' she never felt like this with anyone but me also, i made her happy too, but she broke it off.

 

she said no. she ended it. she didnt WANT it. this is the same for your ex and if you want any chance of reconciliation do NOT try to fix things.

 

it definetely will make things worse

 

Jmina

 

Thats i know for a fact that if i leave it know that she wont even miss me at all :'( She wont even think of me and she wont even bother to get in touch with me. I know that for a fact, if shes done it before everytime she gets close to someone, why should i be any different? Shes just told me that i need to stop trying to get her back becuase its going to make it harder for her to be friends with me, and she does want to be mates. I just had a go at her back saying that she used me etc, and thats all i seem to do. Im just looking to find a way to stop blaming myself, when thats all i can do.

[Uhriventis]

I wouldn't go anywhere with her right now. Like don't go to that show. I know you won't listen to that advise so it's going to be a rough night that will only set you back.

 

You are waiting for a sign from her? I used to to. I would E-Mail her saying, "Why don't you care about me anymore? What have I done to you? I love you so much how can you simply ignore me?" Things like that. I slowly learned (Much slower than normal) That to be honest she really doesn't care. Your ego right now is completely crushed I know. Self esteem completely gone. Negative thoughts race your mind, "I must not be good looking enough. I must not be a good lover. I must be annoying. I must be nothing." But, stop it isn't you with the problems. After all she broke up with you. She obviously is the one with the problems. She can't even (Just like my ex) give you a damn reason why she left. Don't go beating yourself up and swamping your thoughts with her. If she simply isn't as in depth with her emotions as you are. Believe me she will get hers some day and when she does she will be thinking of you. Only it will be to late and you would have moved on and is completely happy with your new life.

 

If you ignore her it won't be over, trust me. It is when she realizes that you are gone is when she will start thinking of you and missing you. She will be looking for you at that show and wonder why you didn't come. She will miss you there when they maybe play one of your songs together. It is imperative you do not go to that show. It is imperative you cut contact.

 

Of course you will still dream of her. I still have dreams that my ex cheats on me and I wake up to the sound of my own heart beat but, I just get up, take a deep breathe, and shrug it.

 

She doesn't understand where you are coming from. Leave it alone for right now.

[banksy800]

I wouldn't go anywhere with her right now. Like don't go to that show. I know you won't listen to that advise so it's going to be a rough night that will only set you back.

 

You are waiting for a sign from her? I used to to. I would E-Mail her saying, "Why don't you care about me anymore? What have I done to you? I love you so much how can you simply ignore me?" Things like that. I slowly learned (Much slower than normal) That to be honest she really doesn't care. Your ego right now is completely crushed I know. Self esteem completely gone. Negative thoughts race your mind, "I must not be good looking enough. I must not be a good lover. I must be annoying. I must be nothing." But, stop it isn't you with the problems. After all she broke up with you. She obviously is the one with the problems. She can't even (Just like my ex) give you a damn reason why she left. Don't go beating yourself up and swamping your thoughts with her. If she simply isn't as in depth with her emotions as you are. Believe me she will get hers some day and when she does she will be thinking of you. Only it will be to late and you would have moved on and is completely happy with your new life.

 

If you ignore her it won't be over, trust me. It is when she realizes that you are gone is when she will start thinking of you and missing you. She will be looking for you at that show and wonder why you didn't come. She will miss you there when they maybe play one of your songs together. It is imperative you do not go to that show. It is imperative you cut contact.

 

Of course you will still dream of her. I still have dreams that my ex cheats on me and I wake up to the sound of my own heart beat but, I just get up, take a deep breathe, and shrug it.

 

She doesn't understand where you are coming from. Leave it alone for right now.

 

Im still going to the show, but im not going to meet her before hand. Im just going to go with my friends and ignore her if i see her, just not go over and say hello like ill want to, itll be hard but meah. I guess its for the best. Other than that, i dont think im going to see her by accident anywhere else, bar one more gig in december. After that though, theres no chance of me walking into her. Not talking to her hurts so much =(

[banksy800]

Ive decided im going NC.

Im going to keep a book and write everyday, about how im finding it. How i feel, how much i miss her. Keep everything i do for her in there, all the songs my bands recorded becuase of how i felt, al my pictures ive drew, everything. Maybe one day ill give it her, who knows. maybe ill save it and give it her if we ever get back together, or maybe ill give it her if we ever talk ever again. Who knows? All i know is that i need to begin forgetting, and trying to move on. I just know that i love Hannah Hewes with an e, and ill never forget the time i spent with her :'(

 

I havent been giving her the space she needs, and after my last emotional text, ive deleted her number, blocked her msn, totally erased her from my life. Now all i have is memories and the things she left at mine. She needs time and she deserves that, i should learn, the reason she never got back with anyone else she broke up with is because they did exactly what ive been doing. I regret being like it now and im giving her the space she needs =(

[FindingMyselfAgain]

Murder is your only option.

 

Not her, just random people.

 

With a rifle.

 

From a tower.

 

It always puts a smile on MY face!

 

(JUST KIDDING!!!!!!! DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

[Uhriventis]

Ive decided im going NC.

Im going to keep a book and write everyday, about how im finding it. How i feel, how much i miss her. Keep everything i do for her in there, all the songs my bands recorded becuase of how i felt, al my pictures ive drew, everything. Maybe one day ill give it her, who knows. maybe ill save it and give it her if we ever get back together, or maybe ill give it her if we ever talk ever again. Who knows? All i know is that i need to begin forgetting, and trying to move on. I just know that i love Hannah Hewes with an e, and ill never forget the time i spent with her :'(

 

I havent been giving her the space she needs, and after my last emotional text, ive deleted her number, blocked her msn, totally erased her from my life. Now all i have is memories and the things she left at mine. She needs time and she deserves that, i should learn, the reason she never got back with anyone else she broke up with is because they did exactly what ive been doing. I regret being like it now and im giving her the space she needs =(

 

 

That's what I did. I got a new email address, aim screen names, new number, etc. Just be strong it is never the end of the world. You will, of course, make it through this.

[Lee725]

Murder is your only option.

 

Not her, just random people.

 

With a rifle.

 

From a tower.

 

It always puts a smile on MY face!

 

(JUST KIDDING!!!!!!! DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

 

 

Why would you even think to write something like that?

 

I know it's a joke, but sheesh!

[wizer]

Why would you even think to write something like that?

 

Well, the guy that actually did it, had a brain tumor, which "might" have contributed. So maybe that's the answer?