SunnyLady Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 Hello everyone! Well my ex who left me about two months ago contacted me. He seemed surprised by lack of contact etc. He seemed very nice as well etc. Well stupid me...i gave him a call a few days after he contacted me via msn. He was very receptive. Very happy to hear from me etc. It was an hour long interesting conversation which i ended (as hard as it was for me to). So this is the very stupid thing i did. I heared he was seeing someone albeit very casual. But i just wasnt sure. I needed to find out myself partly because i was hurt he had moved on so quickly. So i created a false facebook account and started messaging this lady he is seeing. I took the identity of a non-exsistent perosn (i know what i did was very wrong! please don't chastise me!! ) . We were chatting to and fro and she revealed that she was single although "kinda seeing somone". She also revealed that he had told her he doesnt want a girlfriend. And she admitted that she isnt actively looking for a relationship too (although she later started acting protective which makes me think that she DOES want a relationship however has choosen to settle for next to nothing) Well as pathetic as this sounds but it gave me some form of relief. (take into account that this guy broke it off with me because he couldnt give me the level of commitment i desired. We started off very serious but he started withdrawing and said he couldnt keep up with the level of commitment at this stage of his life. Anyway he found out it that it was me sending her thoes messages. And i had to ring him up...the funny thing is he sounded so happy to hear from me! I was expecting anger from him and resentment. But we chatted happily, laughing etc. I then apologised for sending her thoes messages and he said it was ok. He scolded me (but in a fond and jokey way). In fact i was apologising profusley and he said it was ok, it was trivial and that he would never take that against me. He expressed that he wasnt even upset that i contacted her, rather a bit unhappy about how this lady would view ME. I.E A crazy ex. He didnt like the fact that this lady has been reffering to me as his crazy ex and he doesnt like the fact that i put myself in such a positon. Anyway during the conversation i told him i felt stupid about how he had moved on. (i know i shouldnt have!!). He then told i shouldnt feel stupid because he didnt leave me to start off soemthing serious with someone-basically right now with the person he is involved with, he owes to her no obligations and commitments. He also asked if i was seeing someone to which i said no. He asked if there was anyone in the picture...to which i replied that there wasnt (although he expressed doubt. He feels i am very pretty so assumes there are always guys on their knees). I know it is time to move on completely. I know i shouldnt have done all i did. I will not do do again. My only problem is that i feel so down! For about 7 weeks i didnt contact him. And then he contacted me and bam! I feel back and phoned him. It feels like all my efforts are wasted. I feel like i have expressely admitted that i still feel deeply for him. It just feels like my efforts have been wasted. I guess i just need a little boost. I need to be encouraged that i can still do this. I can still move on, and not be viewed as the lady who will always love him (he knows me soo well). I feel like my NC of 7 weeks has gone to waste. I feel like he can see through me and knows i still love him. (Obviously he does know i still have feelings for him, but i just didnt want him to have the benefit of knowing for a fact). It makes him feel so comfortable! When i didnt contact him for a long time, he seemed very shocked. Anyway i know moving on is all about me. But this guy treated me badly towards the end of the rship as he knew i loved him a lot. And it would boost my esteem if i proved him wrong and moved on and stopped being the woman he feels he can predict. Im sorry for the length of this message. I really do need feedback. Do you agree that the stunt i played has BOLDY REAFFRIMED by feelings for him...thus my NC has all gone to waste and placed me back at square one? And he has the benefit of sleeping with this lady casually yet knowing i still have deep feelings for him!! Is it too late...will my image every be reedemed. I was such a fool for him! And the sad part is i am hurting still and miss him a lot. Lstly, i was a bit surprised by his response to my stunt? Why wasnt he angry with me? He was the opposite of what i expected. Perhaps beacause he knows i was insecure and that its normal for a woman to be insecure and upset given the circumstances?
alwayshurt Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 ...yes it was very silly what you did, but everybody makes stupid things in similar circumstances, things that we regret later on. Going back to your case, the way i see it he is not into you romantically anymore. He does like you a lot and respects you as a friend. That's all. Proof of that is that he didn't get upset for what you did to his g/f. Was it angry at you for either reason he would have been very aggressive to you. Go back to your life. Keep distance for this person while you're emotionally unstable. I think once you're over him (and you will! trust me) you may develop a good friendship with this guy. Agter all he has always been honest to you. Don't you think? Be strong.
serendip Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 Yeah sometimes we lose ourselves to the emotion. We do stupid and silly things b/c we are hurting so much. It's what I learnt....we have to diassociate ourselves from the painful emotions and have some restraint. Trust me I learnt this the hard way....I'm also most likely known as the crazy ex. too. My ex cheated on me. I forgave her and ask her to stop all contact with the guy. She said she would. A couple of mths later I grew suspicious...so I check her email and found out she went out with the guy again behind my back. I told her good riddance....I lost myself in the pain...so I created fake email accounts and sent emails to the ex saying the guy she cheated on me with...was a womanizer. It actually turn out I was right...the guy cheated on previous girlfriends and had STD's to boot. But it didn't make me feel better...I lost myself by doing that....I lost respect for myself. So I told the ex what I did...and she freaked...it somehow justified her cheating on me in her mind. Also it made the guy she cheated on me with..look better....she forgot about his STD's and him as a womanizer.
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