one night stand

[LakesideDream]

When reading digesting posts and responses here, one thing I try to is to reverse genders in the stories and see how is sus's out from the opposite viewpoint.

 

If you do that with this post 8 out of 10 replys will be female betrayed spouses demanding that the dastardly male actor come clean to his helpless abused wife. Very unlike what is happening in this thread.

 

In this particular case I personally have very mixed thoughts. If there is a realistic possibility that the "one night stand" will never be discovered, and the bad actor is truely ashamed and repentant... might it be better to maintain the marriage by remaining silent? It might be, but is wasn't that way for me. I was blissfully ignorant for 24 years, mildly suspicious for a year, and a miserable cuckhold for years after discovery.

 

Had my ex came forward with a frank confession about any of her "one night stands", much less her 23 year on and off affair.. we would have begun dissolving the marriage that very day.

 

Depending on timing, the savings in years of fradulent investment in a sham marriage would have been priceless to me.

[sb129]

SHE gets to decide how she wants to procede yet her cuckolded husband has no choice in the matter at all.

 

But I guess that's OK so long as she's remorseful, huh?

 

And I'm sure she's made an appointment to be checked for STDs and if she has one she'll tell her husband it came from the swimming pool or the toilet seat, right? Oh, and as long as she's on the subject, and just to be on the safe side, he should get checked too. But of course, she won't have to fess-up at all and what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

 

But wait! He's gone for awhile. What a relief. She may not have to say anything at all and all will be right with the world.

 

PUHLEEZE! Whatever happened to owning what youy do and taking personal responsibility for it? Is that truly a lost art with the young, and some of the not so young as well?

 

Curmie, I absolutely agree with this. My advice was to come clean and take responsibility for her actions too.

 

I also agree that NOT telling him is very selfish.

 

But the OP has yet to post since the first one...

[Lizzie60]

First and most important, don't get drunk again!

 

Second, keep this for yourself... and forget about it.

[Darth Vader]

I was beginning to think I was the odd-person-out here.

 

 

What am I, chopped Liver?

[bish]

DO NOT tell him under any circumstances. The chances are excellent your marriage will be destroyed. Fessing up to disloyalty of any kind is usually fatal in a marriage. Very few of them get through it without very major damage or simply dissolution.

 

Oh ya...thats fair to her husband isn't it?

 

He deserves to know so he can decide whether or not to stay with her.

 

I found out about my exW's cheating before we were married several years later. She denied me the choice of saving myself and moving on and I resent the hell out of her for it.

 

bottom line..the husband deserves to know. Oh she can keep it from him...but then she is even more selfish than spreading her legs for another man.

 

The selfishness of cheaters never ceases to amaze me.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Let me ask you this, Has she even taken an STD test?

 

You know how easy it is for women out there ot be catching that virus and you know it may develop into cervical cancer??? WTF?

 

And then what if the husband comes home has sdx with his wife then a week later starts pissing blood and S*it like that? Then what?

 

What doesnt know wont hurt him?

 

She needs to man the hell up and be a real woman and say what happened. Own what you did wrong. I'm sure the husband will go through the motions, but alot of times if the love is great he possibly could forgive her but the trust needs to be rebuilt. And she needs to have better boundries. no drinking, whatsoever. Go get a hobby. matter of fact go with him when he goes away on business maybe yo guys can make it romantic getaway or something!!!

[bish]

Don't ruin his life just because you can't keep your legs closed.

 

My life was ruined because my exW didn't tell me. If she would have told me that would be 13 years of my life that I will never get back.

 

Life is too short to find out later in life that your companion is a cheater.

 

He deserves to know.

[bish]

I see your side but from the OP's tone, she seemed geniunely sincere and made a real mistake. A true regret and geniune mistake. .

 

 

I've said it many times over...cheating is NOT a mistake. It was a conscious decision to gratify oneself with someone other than your committed partner. You can say it was despicable behavior...but it is never a mistake.

 

She screwed another guy because she wanted to...not because she tripped and her naked body just happened to fall on his fully erect member.

[bish]

First and most important, don't get drunk again!

 

Second, keep this for yourself... and forget about it.

 

ya thats right...forget about it eh Lizzie? its not big deal what she did right?

 

When the truth comes out, and it will come out, it may be years from now and he will resent the hell out of her for wasting years off his short life.

[reservoirdog1]

If she would have told me that would be 13 years of my life that I will never get back.

I second that -- my situation was similar. However remorseful the OP is, the fact remains that she betrayed her H. That's not an insignificant piece of information. On the contrary, it's huge. And by keeping it from him, she's unilaterally making decisions about his life that she has no right to make. That is collossally unfair.

 

We don't know why her H has been away for 3 months; I'm assuming he's in the military. And if that's the case, that was something she knew when she married him.

 

If she can't be happy being married to somebody whose job requires his absence for months at a time -- and, honestly, I wouldn't think less of her if she couldn't be happy with that -- then she needs to come clean. If he knows what she did in his absence, then he'll either (a) end the marriage, or (b) make changes to his work requirements.

 

One thing I'm pretty sure of is that, if she doesn't come clean, NOTHING will change. He'll continue to go abroad for work for long periods of time, she'll continue to be miserable, and most likely she'll cheat again ("I'm already a cheater, doing it again won't make me MORE of a cheater"). And next time -- or the time after that -- she could wind up pregnant, or infected with a disease. And then the shyt will REALLY hit the fan.