Ashbash11 Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 So, I posted about 2 weeks ago declaring that I was doing NC with my ex-boyfriend who I had tried to be "friends" with for 2 years after we broke up. The first week he called me non-stop and texted me, emailed me.. everything. We finally had a conversation about it and I told him to not contact me... So, he listened and now I'm sad and upset and I'm starting to question if this is what I want. It's what's best for me, but it's not what I want! I miss him a lot and I keep having dreams about him every single night. Even though we have no contact, I feel like I can't escape. I am unhappy when we are in contact, because I am reminded that he's not in love with me and he doesn't want me as his girlfriend and I am unhappy when we aren't! I am just not sure what to do... I need to keep maintaining NC, but what can I do/tell myself when I'm missing him so badly it hurts?
bustertypsy Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 Ash,my heart goes out to you.I feel your pain. I think that you have to put YOU first from this moment forward. You were right to tell him you want no contact.You need to heal,and all he is doing is dragging you back down every time he contacts you. Very important thing you wrote in your post....."I am unhappy when we are in contact, because I am reminded that he's not in love with me" If he is not in love then you have to move on.It's only then you will begin to heal.I know it's so hard,but you cannot make a person feel what they don't. So keep up the NC and don't reply to him no matter how hard,just post here instead.We'll support you along the way!!
your star Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 Hi Ash, I'm in the same situation as you right now. I finally decided to go NC with my ex this week. He's popped back into my life and wanted to remain friends and I found myself going crazy and being soo emotional. And now that I decided to go NC I'm still going crazy. When I have moments where I'm missing him extremely and want to contact him, I try to think about something else or jump online and shop or something... Rather than sit there and drive myself crazy. I'll also go for a drive to clear my head. I've found it to be helpful. It's like being on a rollercoaster. That's the only way to explain it. But you have to ask yourself, will contacting him benefit me? Or set me back again? I've found it better to deal with one day at a time rather then try to wonder how i'm going to get through this in the days, months ahead..
Author Ashbash11 Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 Yes, thank you for your reply Your Star... It feels better to know that i am not the only one feeling like this!! Sometimes I feel like I am literally losing my mind because I miss my ex so much and I know I shouldn't contact him.. it's definitely like being on a rollercoaster... Good advice, just take it one day at a time. I will make sure to do that. Best of luck, we will get through this!!
Lee725 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Hi Ashbash, Because you maintained contact throughout the years the emotional bond you had with him has never been broken. This has never allowed you to fully move on nor really miss each other. Severing that last tie you have with someone can be either liberating or debilitating, the questions you ask yourself are normal ones which accompany the emotions of finally letting go. You guys separated for a reason and sometimes people do change, but the unhappiness you feel is a reminder that it is not good for you to be in contact with him. The dreams you are having are probably just old memories being dragged back up, this happens to most of us and i know it can leave you feeling really upset when you wake up from them. As hard as it is going to be try to go NC for atleast a couple of months, give each other a chance to miss and reflect on each other. If either one of you move on during this time it is an indication that it was "not meant to be" (sorry for that crappy one liner we have all heard AARRgghh) It may be the only way to get resolution from this once and for all either it will work out wonderfully in the end or you will both move on. Staying friends with the EX can be VERY difficult and most of the time it only works when you have been well and truly apart for some time (full NC). (some people will disagree with me on that one!) Stay strong babe, keep us posted and remember if you get the feeling to pick up the phone or email or something jump on here let it out and most of the time you will feel better and it will take the urge away.
Author Ashbash11 Posted November 24, 2007 Author Posted November 24, 2007 I was stupid today.. My ex boyfriend called me and I picked up the phone.. I guess the only good that came out of it was that he ended up being an ******* and that reminded me that NC is the way to go!! I felt worse after talking to him, even though I was missing him before that.. That'll teach me!
randuff Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 Ash, I can tell you from experience that maintaining contact does nothing but prolong the hurt. 7 months of hurt and torture. Is that what you want? Because that is my life. I haven't even tried no contact because in my mind if I keep in her life she will maybe, just maybe see that I still love her and will get her back. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA FAT F%^@#ING CHANCE. Do yourself a favor and don't call, pick up the phone or text him. Unless of course you want to be miserable 7 months later like me and I PROMISE you that doesn't feel good. AT ALL. Ran
Author Ashbash11 Posted December 4, 2007 Author Posted December 4, 2007 So, I was doing well with the NC for a while....the other night, my ex called me. I picked up the phone stupidly because I thought, "oh, maybe he just wants to say "hi".. how harmful could that be? Well.... let's just say, I will never answer my phone AGAIN when he calls.. We got into a huge fight because he's angry that I'm not talking to him and I'm supposedely "throwing our friendship away." My point to him was, this friendship is unhealthy for me, and I've been putting up with it for 2 years. I'm done. I'm tired of being used by him (especially because I've always been his "therapist" that he could talk about everything to, including problems with women...) He argues that he's been "nothing but a good friend" to me, and he doesn't understand why I'm doing this.... I really don't know what to do now, other than just to make it stricter NC, and then he'll realize that I mean business... Has anyone else had this experience where the ex "fights" for the friendship? I don't understand why he's doing this.. he doesn't want me as his girlfriend, yet he insists on how important I am in his life, and how he couldn't survive without me as a friend.....crazy.
AngeloWolfe Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 So, I posted about 2 weeks ago declaring that I was doing NC with my ex-boyfriend who I had tried to be "friends" with for 2 years after we broke up. The first week he called me non-stop and texted me, emailed me.. everything. We finally had a conversation about it and I told him to not contact me... So, he listened and now I'm sad and upset and I'm starting to question if this is what I want. It's what's best for me, but it's not what I want! I miss him a lot and I keep having dreams about him every single night. Even though we have no contact, I feel like I can't escape. I am unhappy when we are in contact, because I am reminded that he's not in love with me and he doesn't want me as his girlfriend and I am unhappy when we aren't! I am just not sure what to do... I need to keep maintaining NC, but what can I do/tell myself when I'm missing him so badly it hurts? The art of breaking... the most brutal yet most affective way to do it. I know it's not easy, but if you really want to be over it, here's what you have to do. When you see him, what do you see? Do you see a guy, or do you see an ex? You have to look up and realize that fate brought you together, but you both took each other apart. It wasn't meant to be. Breaking that bond of affection is rarely easy, but what I did to get over mine was the blank way. You don't see her (him in this case), you don't think of him, you don't know him, you are completely shut to the world. Where he stands, you see air. You have to fool your mind into believing that it's all said and done... and that sometimes works wonderfully. Above all, how are you coping with finding another? That's a big one too. Sitting around and never putting yourself out to date again will burn you dry!
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