Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 bhks, if you want to improve yourself, do it. If not, don't. There's no such thing as a woman with universal appeal and perfection for all. All the compliments in the world will not affect how you perceive yourself because then, it becomes a need for constant external validation. Get happy with yourself. BRAVO. Honestly, I skimmed the responses, looking for those who have infinite wisdom. TBF is one of them, and this is all you need to hear...over and over and over again. That said, BHKS, it sounds like we have very similar figures. I have awesome legs, a killer rack, and luscious little rump...but a plump belly. It's definitely my trouble area, and I doubt that even a miracle will ever get it to look the way I'd like it to. But ya know what? I don't care. I'm happy with myself and my body, 100%, even despite my lumps. I do try to improve upon it for myself through diet and exersize, but I do it for myself and myself alone - no one else. Someone could compliment my belly, and I'd laugh at them because I know it's not worth complimenting (unless they're comparing me to Buddha). Someone could compliment my legs or boobs, and I'd smile and say, "I know, thank you." (Haha, I'm so modest.) I'll admit that at first I was quite insecure about my belly when I first started dating my BF - he's got the perfect male physique, IMO...gorgeous - but after I realized he doesn't really care, I realized I don't really care either. The point is, you do seem to almost physically need constant external validation - from how sweet you are, to your appearance. WTF cares what everyone else in the world thinks? The only people that should really matter are yourself and your closest friends and family (assuming they are good people, that is). You're not lazy, you're not complacent about your body, you take care of yourself. Take pride in that. The rest will follow.
Trialbyfire Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 BRAVO. Honestly, I skimmed the responses, looking for those who have infinite wisdom. TBF is one of them, and this is all you need to hear...over and over and over again. Thanks SG. I think both of us will always look at situations from the perspective of personal strength and responsibility. WTF cares what everyone else in the world thinks? The only people that should really matter are yourself and your closest friends and family (assuming they are good people, that is). You're not lazy, you're not complacent about your body, you take care of yourself. Take pride in that. The rest will follow. Ditto....ditto...ditto!!
LaChatteNoire Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 If you're ever feeling down about your tummy and want to let out some frustration, take it out on a heavy bag (boxing). Not only will your stress be relieved, but you get plenty of cardio and a mildly toned tummy for kicking its ***. Not only is it great for the outside, it's great for the inside as well. For your question though, my boyfriend loves "squeezables". (I don't really know if other men do this, but he loves to squeeze... does that make sense?) I don't have rolls really, just some slight love handles. But try not to be so down on yourself, I'm sure a lot of women would kill to have a body like yours. More love squeezes for you!!
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 Well it certainly seems that most do not expect perfect bodies under clothing so I will concentrate more on the good bits I love and just carry on working more on the bits I do not but no worry obessively about it.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Well it certainly seems that most do not expect perfect bodies under clothing so I will concentrate more on the good bits I love and just carry on working more on the bits I do not but no worry obessively about it. Good! Cause I dont mind a little tummy, so this thread is kind of an insult to my standards!
sb129 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I agree it was unfair, which is why I phrased it as a health issue. But ya know what? I don't care. I'm happy with myself and my body, 100%, even despite my lumps. I do try to improve upon it for myself through diet and exersize, but I do it for myself and myself alone . I have a little belly as well. WB thinks its cute, and I don't even really care about it anymore. I exercise and eat well most of the time, and I don't beat myself up if I skip a workout or have some wine/chocolate etc sometimes. The point is, you do seem to almost physically need constant external validation - from how sweet you are, to your appearance. WTF cares what everyone else in the world thinks? The only people that should really matter are yourself and your closest friends and family (assuming they are good people, that is). You're not lazy, you're not complacent about your body, you take care of yourself. Take pride in that. The rest will follow. Absolutely agree.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 I have a little belly as well. WB thinks its cute, and I don't even really care about it anymore. I exercise and eat well most of the time, and I don't beat myself up if I skip a workout or have some wine/chocolate etc sometimes. Absolutely agree. Cool but can we remember I wasn't looking for validation on my own tummy just that blokes didn't mind a bit of flesh here and there. And even if I was why do people have a problem with others having low self esteem, its not like I am not working on the subject. Remember there are things that happen in peoples lives or childhoods that makes them this way, not always that easy to just turn the tap on or off.
Trialbyfire Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Cool but can we remember I wasn't looking for validation on my own tummy just that blokes didn't mind a bit of flesh here and there. And even if I was why do people have a problem with others having low self esteem, its not like I am not working on the subject. Remember there are things that happen in peoples lives or childhoods that makes them this way, not always that easy to just turn the tap on or off. In this, I will 100% disagree. You're no longer a child. You are the only person who can change your attitude. You're only a victim if you allow it.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 In this, I will 100% disagree. You're no longer a child. You are the only person who can change your attitude. You're only a victim if you allow it. No I am not a child you are totally right, however things that happened in my childhood as with alot of others have a profound effect on my adulthood and my self esteem. Please do not question this of me, it has even been noted by professionals, if things didn;t come into our adulthood from our childhoods would we have a need for shrinks, therapist and such like. Abuse has a long effect, sometimes a lifetime effect on people.
sb129 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Cool but can we remember I wasn't looking for validation on my own tummy just that blokes didn't mind a bit of flesh here and there. Isn't that the same thing? And even if I was why do people have a problem with others having low self esteem, its not like I am not working on the subject. Remember there are things that happen in peoples lives or childhoods that makes them this way, not always that easy to just turn the tap on or off. Yes, I am very very very well aware of that. I have had my time with shrinks etc. However, its up to you how you continue to live, and whether you will forever use that as an excuse or not.
sb129 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 No I am not a child you are totally right, however things that happened in my childhood as with alot of others have a profound effect on my adulthood and my self esteem. Please do not question this of me, it has even been noted by professionals, if things didn;t come into our adulthood from our childhoods would we have a need for shrinks, therapist and such like. We didn't have a need for therapists/ shrinks and suchlike 200 years ago. And if it HAS been noted by said professionals, how come they haven't helped you deal with it?
Trialbyfire Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 No I am not a child you are totally right, however things that happened in my childhood as with alot of others have a profound effect on my adulthood and my self esteem. Please do not question this of me, it has even been noted by professionals, if things didn;t come into our adulthood from our childhoods would we have a need for shrinks, therapist and such like. Abuse has a long effect, sometimes a lifetime effect on people. There's no doubt that childhood trauma has effect on people. How long you allow it to have effect on you, is up to you. Looking to professional help is a good starting point but will not cure you. Professionals help you to sculpt the tools you need to deal with situations but it's up to you to apply those tools. If you never apply those tools and always look to a big, strong man to dig you out, you will always feel helpless to address your own problems and issues.
sb129 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 There's no doubt that childhood trauma has effect on people. How long you allow it to have effect on you, is up to you. Looking to professional help is a good starting point but will not cure you. Professionals help you to sculpt the tools you need to deal with situations but it's up to you to apply those tools. If you never apply those tools and always look to a big, strong man to dig you out, you will always feel helpless to address your own problems and issues. This is a very very good piece of advice, and TBF has articulated beautifully what I was trying to say. YOU are the only person who can move on from your past. YOU are the only person who can fix your self esteem. Trust me, I know from personal experience. In the end, the only person to get any credit for sorting my head out is ME. Others helped point me in the right direction, but as TBF said, I had to use the tools and make the journey all by myself.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 We didn't have a need for therapists/ shrinks and suchlike 200 years ago. And if it HAS been noted by said professionals, how come they haven't helped you deal with it? I wish I had the answer to that!! Its a long uphill walk, won't come overnight and its only been in this last year that I really have recognised how much the abuse has effected my self esteem and self worth. From an age of 9 to 16 being told and shown your not good enough, being beaten up because you were a girl in the way of the man trying to get told your older brother because your ex step father was a paedophile has a lasting effect. These years as they are too most were my learning years. I never was good enough I never could be good enough, I still never feel good enough. But at least am trying to work on it.
tanbark813 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 BHKS: Lots of guys would want to f**k you. Stop giving yourself such a hard time.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 BHKS: Lots of guys would want to f**k you. Stop giving yourself such a hard time. Fine if a fck was all I wanted, its not. Yeah I could get screwed left right and centre. I want to feel better about myself each and every day, inside and out.
Trialbyfire Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 In the end, the only person to get any credit for sorting my head out is ME. Others helped point me in the right direction, but as TBF said, I had to use the tools and make the journey all by myself. Exactly sb. Empower yourself through your successes. Don't flagellate your past or self-flagellate your mistakes. Learn from them and move forward.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 Exactly sb. Empower yourself through your successes. Don't flagellate your past or self-flagellate your mistakes. Learn from them and move forward. I wish I knew how, I don't anymore, I have tried everything, its had such a profound effect I am not sure I'll ever get myself back all the reading, therapy, chatting, work I do, clearly isn't getting me anywhere.
sb129 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Fine if a fck was all I wanted, its not. Yeah I could get screwed left right and centre. Oh for the love of...
Trialbyfire Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I wish I knew how, I don't anymore, I have tried everything, its had such a profound effect I am not sure I'll ever get myself back all the reading, therapy, chatting, work I do, clearly isn't getting me anywhere. Stop giving up so easily. You know how to do it. Draw on your personal strength. It's there inside of you. Step #1: Isolate the things you want to change within yourself. Step #2: Change the things you can and want to change. Accept the rest and work with it. Step #3: Why do I allow myself to be a victim when I've dealt with my issues? Look at everything I've accomplished. I love myself. Step #4: I am responsible and in control of myself. I respect myself. You can only hurt me if I allow you to.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 Stop giving up so easily. You know how to do it. Draw on your personal strength. It's there inside of you. Step #1: Isolate the things you want to change within yourself. Step #2: Change the things you can and want to change. Accept the rest and work with it. Step #3: Why do I allow myself to be a victim when I've dealt with my issues? Look at everything I've accomplished. I love myself. Step #4: I am responsible and in control of myself. I respect myself. You can only hurt me if I allow you to. I'm not giving in, but wish people would stop having ago at me for trying a way that I know how too, its not right that I need validation but its not wrong either, it sometimes is the only way I know - is too seek advice, seek others opinions - I know no other way right now. Step #3: Why do I allow myself to be a victim when I've dealt with my issues? Look at everything I've accomplished. I love myself. Please tell me how, how do I - I can do it for short amounts of time I sit and think about all that is good about me and what I have accomplished in life but its in the long term, I cannot seem to hold my self esteem up there. I JUST WANNA KNOW HOW
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 Oh for the love of... why isloate that comment and not add what was underneath it????
Trialbyfire Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I'm not giving in, but wish people would stop having ago at me for trying a way that I know how too, its not right that I need validation but its not wrong either, it sometimes is the only way I know - is too seek advice, seek others opinions - I know no other way right now. Step #3: Why do I allow myself to be a victim when I've dealt with my issues? Look at everything I've accomplished. I love myself. Please tell me how, how do I - I can do it for short amounts of time I sit and think about all that is good about me and what I have accomplished in life but its in the long term, I cannot seem to hold my self esteem up there. I JUST WANNA KNOW HOW Give me a list of the things you've accomplished, including your fight with the demons of your past.
burning 4 revenge Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Oh for the love of... Whats going on in the UK? I get the feeling that its gotten even more superficial than this place if thats possible. People are being driven to crippling neuroses by the constant objectification of human flesh and I know thats a cliche thing to say, but its cliche, because its true. You would think a pot belly was a cleft lip or something
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 from what some of you are saying is don't bother to post anymore. I can't help at this given moment how I am, I try and will continue to do so but years of abuse and low self esteem doesn;t get turned around in one moment. Hence the orig question on here, wanting to know that I do not have to strive for perfection to be worth something. What you all seem to be saying is that I have to be perfect in as much as I have to have perfect self esteem, I don't but for that being my "bad" quality I have alot more good ones.
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