sad2day Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 hi. well today would have been our one year. i messed it up. i broke it off with him. he is great. i messed up. i was scared and freaked out. i pushed him away. he love me so much. he was so affectionate and warm. unconditional and i can be a challenge. there was a lot of things i needed to get over. my fear of commitment and his issues. he is in his 30's and still lives at home, is really into star wars, video games, and has dated very little. i live on my own and have dated a good amount. i had problems with all of this, oh and we live 5 hours apart. i didn't break up with him for not caring but i questioned the kindof future we could have together. i was expecting a perfectly wrapped package. i was wrong. we always had fun and he was so open to learning and doing new things. when we broke up it was because he wanted more from the relationship and i couldn't give it. i freaked out. during the first two months of our break up i opened myself up to things and he became my best friend. i realized how much i loved him and needed him. he wasn't there for me one night and i freaked out. i wanted him back. turns out he met someone. i don't know if they are dating now. he is always on the internet at hours when if you have a girl you would be with her. we did talk about getting back together. at first he was all for it and said how much he missed me and wanted me back. he was still in love with me. then a few nights later he said it was just too hard for him and that getting over this relationship was the hardest thing he has ever done in his life. he couldn't be friends ect. i have been a mess since. i have finally picked myself up enough to start going out again but today blows. i hate today. i just want to know when i will feel like the confident person i was before. you see... he really opened my heart, in ways i never know could happen. i really do love him. i have been taking steps to fix me issues with commitment but i don't know how to get past him. i reach out to him every few weeks which i know i should't. he does respond and this week we talked about today. just a little. he said he couldn't believe it was "a year since we met that night". so any answers. to either getting him back or figuring out how to get myself past him. everyone keeps saying if it is meant it will be. i get that but people also say i need to get myself together in order to be really healthy for him... how do i do that? ugh... any help. i need it. i feel so helpless and it is so frustrating for me because that is not how i normally am. ok this is long. sorry. very bad day!
tinke Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 sad2day don't be hard on yourself. you stated he wanted more from the relationship that you were able to provide at the time...ok, that's where you were..you cannot force feelings. plus, it's very likely you would have resented him if he pressured you. you were true to yourself...for that, don't badger yourself! take this time to continue focusing on you...don't TRY to make anything happen, RE: him. if it is to be...your paths will once again cross. take care..do something extra special today..simply for YOU!
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