devastatedagain Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 I was driving home from a friend's house tonight and it was snowing. I noticed that one of the local radio stations started playing Christmas music, so I began to listen. On the way home, I saw quite a few houses that have already put up their Christmas decorations. The entire scenario made me very sad. I couldn't wait to get home to just close it all out. This is my first holiday season as a divorced man. My wife wanted a separation last March and we were officially divorced in August. Despite making every effort I could fathom, she didn't want to work things out. She is now on her second relationship since our separation and it hurts. Even after 9 months it still hurts a lot, everyday. I have always been Mr. Christmas. I am that guy that always decorated his house right after Halloween and filled the house with Christmas music from then until New Years Day. I have always loved giving gifts to all those around me and even to those that I do not know (i.e. toy drives and the like). This year the whole season just upsets me and I don't want anything to do with it. I have always tried to keep Christmas special and magical for all those around me. This year, I just want it to go away. I guess this is how the Christmas spirit dies; when someone kills it on you.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 I was driving home from a friend's house tonight and it was snowing. I noticed that one of the local radio stations started playing Christmas music, so I began to listen. On the way home, I saw quite a few houses that have already put up their Christmas decorations. The entire scenario made me very sad. I couldn't wait to get home to just close it all out. This is my first holiday season as a divorced man. My wife wanted a separation last March and we were officially divorced in August. Despite making every effort I could fathom, she didn't want to work things out. She is now on her second relationship since our separation and it hurts. Even after 9 months it still hurts a lot, everyday. I have always been Mr. Christmas. I am that guy that always decorated his house right after Halloween and filled the house with Christmas music from then until New Years Day. I have always loved giving gifts to all those around me and even to those that I do not know (i.e. toy drives and the like). This year the whole season just upsets me and I don't want anything to do with it. I have always tried to keep Christmas special and magical for all those around me. This year, I just want it to go away. I guess this is how the Christmas spirit dies; when someone kills it on you. If you don't want to celebrate Christmas like you have been doing, why not do something different? Have you considered going on vacation (if it's feasible)? How about doing something with your friends - starting a new tradition? Some people find it very therapeutic to volunteer (an outlet for all the pain you feel). You have many options OP. You are bound to feel pain, sadness, and loneliness b/c of the divorce BUT it's up to you to control how much of it you want to experience. You can either embrace the pain and let it overwhelm you (some may it's good to just feel the pain) OR you can figure out a way to get your mind off things for a little while.
abeliever Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 I am truly sorry for your recent divorce. Here is a neat suggestion. One that is very much needed. You could help feed the homeless. We did this last Christmas and now this is our new tradition after my GMA died. She was the glue that held our family together. When she died so did our families whole value system. No one celebrates anything. If not your cup of tea. Try a women's shelter. Or an orphanage. They all need people who have the time to help. I guarantee once your there you will forget all about anything and your forced to enjoy the holiday season thru their eyes. That is the neatest gift that you could give yourself! Do you know I am the same way? My H would sit on the couch and my daughter and I would decorate inside and out and have contest with neighbors on the block. It will be nice this year to not have the negative vibes around here. Our goal is having peace and enjoying the season with no presents. That is not what Christmas is to us. Hope this helps. abeliever
sumdude Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 I know how you feel. Besides my divorce this year, in the last two years my mom, aunt and uncle passed away. There's also a family rift with my siblings going on. Plus last X-Mas was awful and one of the the last turning points in the marriage. I have no clue how to celebrate this year... I always loved picking out and putting up the tree with my X.. we'd get one for us and one for my folks. Get the house all set up and lit, all of the things you do. Seems like all the traditions are gone. I don't even know where I'll spend Thanksgiving never mind X-Mas... ... how things changed in 2 years..
Gunny376 Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 I had a hard time with this as well ~ until I came to the realization? Its just another freaking day in December?
White Flower Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 I was driving home from a friend's house tonight and it was snowing. I noticed that one of the local radio stations started playing Christmas music, so I began to listen. On the way home, I saw quite a few houses that have already put up their Christmas decorations. The entire scenario made me very sad. I couldn't wait to get home to just close it all out. This is my first holiday season as a divorced man. My wife wanted a separation last March and we were officially divorced in August. Despite making every effort I could fathom, she didn't want to work things out. She is now on her second relationship since our separation and it hurts. Even after 9 months it still hurts a lot, everyday. I have always been Mr. Christmas. I am that guy that always decorated his house right after Halloween and filled the house with Christmas music from then until New Years Day. I have always loved giving gifts to all those around me and even to those that I do not know (i.e. toy drives and the like). This year the whole season just upsets me and I don't want anything to do with it. I have always tried to keep Christmas special and magical for all those around me. This year, I just want it to go away. I guess this is how the Christmas spirit dies; when someone kills it on you. It is so interesting how the holidays hurt the most. I have not read any of your posts, so I don't know your sitch. Do you have kids that you can spend time with? Any other family? I was considering divorce heavily just a couple of months ago. My plan then was to still celebrate the holiday together for the kids sake. Is this a possibility for you? I have a friend who divorced her husband and remarried about 12 years ago. Her ex comes to every single holiday and birthday even her child's birhday with her 2nd husband. She is even trying to set up my sister with her ex. She still cares a great deal for him. I hope you get through this holiday all right. The next ones will be easier.
sumdude Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 I had a hard time with this as well ~ until I came to the realization? Its just another freaking day in December? Well, yeah it is.. if you want it to be. That's a personal choice. I like to think of yearly rituals as a good thing if you can put aside the BS that modern commercial life has made of them. plus it also depends on your faith..
PWSX3 Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 How about going and helping out at a homeless shelter or a food line? You could do this for Thanksgiving & Christmas if you wanted. Do something that would help out others that aren't so fortunate, just an idea. As for Christmas I went & bought me some new outside lights (PURPLE) & decorated it like I wanted it to be. I just put enough out to make it look nice without having to put a lot of effort into it like i had done before in the past years.
T L Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I was driving home from a friend's house tonight and it was snowing. I noticed that one of the local radio stations started playing Christmas music, so I began to listen. On the way home, I saw quite a few houses that have already put up their Christmas decorations. The entire scenario made me very sad. I couldn't wait to get home to just close it all out. This is my first holiday season as a divorced man. My wife wanted a separation last March and we were officially divorced in August. Despite making every effort I could fathom, she didn't want to work things out. She is now on her second relationship since our separation and it hurts. Even after 9 months it still hurts a lot, everyday. I have always been Mr. Christmas. I am that guy that always decorated his house right after Halloween and filled the house with Christmas music from then until New Years Day. I have always loved giving gifts to all those around me and even to those that I do not know (i.e. toy drives and the like). This year the whole season just upsets me and I don't want anything to do with it. I have always tried to keep Christmas special and magical for all those around me. This year, I just want it to go away. I guess this is how the Christmas spirit dies; when someone kills it on you. I have always enjoyed Christmas.... I am not looking forward to my first Christmas as a seperated man, but am going to try to make the best of it, I usually take time off work so I have the whole week off between Christmas and New Years, but I will go in to work this year. Also in previous years I have always spent a lot of time with the Ex's family as they plan a lot of social things over the holidays, so that will be different this year.........its tough thinking about missing out on that because I always used to enjoy it so much, but thats life, it wasnt my decision and I cant change it, so I have to accept it. Sometimes its easier said than done but you have got to make the best of your situation, thats not saying that the first 'single' holidays wont be really hard though......Lets look forward to a better 2008....
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