Lies

[honda12345]

Here is my gay story. Last weekend my bf was busy chatting (flirting in my mind) with this guy in the bathroom of a club and left me waiting outside the bathroom for 15 mins. I was pissed. He apologized, crying..saying that he loves me so much that he actually came out to his parents couple days ago. He even mentioned that his mom paused for 5 secs and then said she had figured it out herself. I was touched since he is very much in closet. So I forgave him.

 

Next day, I wanted to hear the whole story of how he came out. He said,"Actually I am sure they know..." I was like what??? He said he didn't actually come out. He just said that out of desperation so that I would forgive him. I said he lied to me and asked him to promise never to lie to me again. I also said to come clean on everything at the time. He said he's clean.

 

Yesterday I went over to his place to see him. He was drunk from a party. So he passed out. I couldn't go to bed so I went on his computer to find out that he went on two gay hookup/dating sites that night. I checked his myspace to find that he was flirting (sexually) on 6-7 instances with this guy Lu he used to hook up with years ago.

 

I left his house and I confronted him in the morning. I asked him to tell me if he's been meeting people on myspace lately. He said no. I asked him what about some guy named Lu. He said they are just friends and chatted only a couple of times this year. Then I asked a couple or 6-7 times. He said he doesn't remember but they are just talking about home and school. So i mentioned some intimate details on the email messages. He then came clean to tell me it's cos he was bored and horny. Nothing serious.

 

I told him I expected him to come clean at the beginning. Instead, I had to confront his with every single little detail...considering he promised me not to lie just a week ago. He said he didn't want to hurt me...blah blah blah.

 

I am not concerned about the online flirting part as much as the lying, dishonesty part. We have been together for 10 months. I do love him. But is he worth a THIRD chance? Please advise

[annieo]

Sounds like you have a habitual liar on your hands. And I speak as a person who has been lied to habitually by her husband (not so much about flirting/on-line behavior, more strip clubs and e-mail comminication with an ex-girlfriend).

Should you give him another chance? Well, how upset were you with him to his face? Do you think he really got the message that you won't tolerate lying and you are considering whether or not he's worth the trouble. He needs to hear, loud and clear, how you're feeling/what you're thinking. Make a scene/stand, if you love him and want a future. And then see what happens. If after a clear, emotionally potent statement from you, he does it again, then decide if you want to be with him even if you don't always know what he's up to. Good luck - this all sounds depressingly familiar.