BwsLnc07 Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Well me and my ex broke up a week ago and everyday has just been getting worse. We fought a lot last month and she told me if it didn't stop she couldn't do it anymore. Well three weeks we were so happy everything was perfect, no fighting , nothin and then one really stupid fight while she was on her period and stressed out about everything turned into our breakup. She said she loved me more than anything, wanted to be with me and only me, and she would never stop loving me but just couldn't. She was in tears as was I, she kept holding my hand, kissin on me, and the last thing she said to me was I love you and walked away. Two days go by and I call her very cool and collective to see how she was and that I missed her and loved her and she could call me if she ever needed to talk. I get a message two days later sayin she wanted her stuff back so i responded sayin i had her stuff together and that i would meet up with her to give it back all she had to do was call. That was three days ago and still no response so I don't know what is goin on. Well on her facebook she still has our pic of us on it and for some reason she today put her two shows times for a play that she is managing maybe hoping that I show up IDK. Just need advice on best way to win her back and should i show up at one of her shows to show that I care. Advice would be greatly appreciated.
SunnyLady Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 It pisses me off when i hear of people leaving their partners and "claiming" they are in love with the person they just dumped!! How can you say you love someone if yo're not willing to work on your problems?! Its so cliche!! Well i would recommend speaking to her one more time? Assure her you will make every effort to avoid arguments etc. Willing to work on your problems etc. You say you argue all the time? What about? You need to think of all these things. If you REALLY are incompatible then this break seems to be the best course of action. So i think you should consider what's been causing so much conflict. But then again couples argue all the time, sometimes. Its human nature. Provided it doesnt elevate to emotional abuse. Showing up at one at one of her shows will indicate thoughtfulness on your part. I guess since you're making one more effort to win her back then yeah that sounds ok. If she is unwilling to return they you need to let things go. To be honest what i feel is if she really loves you and wants to be with you and you only (as she's said to you) after a heart to heart talk she will consider you. At least be willing to give things a try. Even if at a slow pace. I am a woman and i know that women just don't leave a man who is willing to give up everything for her, if she is truly in love with this man. If she refuses your advances then i can only say she perhaps has eyes on someone (as horrible as that sounds). OR she is simply not interested in the relationship anymore and it has to do with HER. And not with you. Thus not your fault. Everyone makes mistakes but true love is where BOTH PARTIES are willing to overcome thoes problems. Anything that falls short of that is not true love. Maybe im old fashioned. But thoes are my honest thoughts. Breakups ae always hard. Only yesterday i was a mess. Spent the whole day crying and felt like going to heaven...Lol. But now im much better and looking forward to watching the x-factor. It gets better. You need to believe that. How long were you together for? Whats you age range? These factors would be relevent in assesing the situation. Stay strong. Keep us posted. xx
Author BwsLnc07 Posted November 17, 2007 Author Posted November 17, 2007 Well I am 21 and she is 18 and we were together for a lil over 4 months and we really didn't fight much at all just here and there like all relationships.
SunnyLady Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Well taking her age and the duration of your relationship into account, ild say I personally don't think she is ready for a serious and committed relationship. You are older than she is...your needs may not be her needs. Give her a bit of time, then try speaking to her one more time. That way you will be able to gain some closure and some insight into what she is really feeling. And you will be rest asured that you have tried all you could possibly do. The only thing in this world we have control over are our actions.
Author BwsLnc07 Posted November 17, 2007 Author Posted November 17, 2007 Well tonight is gonna be huge for me. Her play is at 7 tonight and she is stage manager. She has no idea Im coming and I know this means a lot to her. Im gonna get there a lil early and suprise her with her fav. flowers which are tiger lillys and already know what im gonna say. "I know this means alot to you and I just wanted to be a part of it" and maybe give her a kiss on the cheek and then just go to my seat. I don't feel we are on bad terms so I just need to take a risk and try to win her back. Just kinda curious on what everyones thoughts are.
heartoutside Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 I wouldn't do that...showing up with flowers to a performance she's already nervous about and surprising her will put a lot of pressure on her, and push her away, IMHO. It's a very nice gesture, but put yourself in her shoes for a sec, if you were unsure about things, didn't know what you wanted and wanted to figure things out, would you want something sprung on you like that? It's like you are forcing her to make a choice, or you're trying to buy her love. You can't....
cant let go Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 honestly, given the immaturity of your ages and the length of your relationship, the flowers might actually win her back. however, if you are looking for a serious relationship you are not going to get it. it probably wont last forever but there is a chance it could go on a little longer until the fighting causes the break-up again. decide what you really want. you are both too young to be causing each other so much pain. have fun, life is short.
Author BwsLnc07 Posted November 18, 2007 Author Posted November 18, 2007 Well I went to her show and suprised her with the flowers and right when she saw me she broke in tears with a smile and told me she was so happy I came and we told each other we loved and missed each other. Then hugged and kissed and I wished her luck. After the show we went backstage and talked and she told me she was hoping that I would come and I asked why and she told me because she loved me. We talked about the future and both decided to take things slow and have fun. We are not together but are best friends as she says and I agreed. She told me that I dont have to worry about other people because she has pushed everyone away that has hit on her once we broke up because she only sees me in that way. She only wants to be with me and that she loves me more than anything. So we are just gonna hang out and have fun and see where it goes. We both though want it to work out in the end. She said she is just not mature enough to deal with such a serious relationship right now but she feels that if we take our time and just take things slow things will work out for the better and have a much stronger relationship. So I took her home and kissed her goodnight and we are gonna hang out tuesday. So going against everything those stupid books said to win back an ex in the end have helped my chances more than If i had listened to them. So very happy about how everything is working out right now. Will keep yall posted on how things go.
SunnyLady Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 BWSLNc07, That's great!! I'm glad for you. I agree sometimes these books don't give great advice. And sometimes following out intiatives may lead to good results (not for me though. lol). Well i wish you luck. Keep us posted on here and hope things go well for you. xx
Author BwsLnc07 Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 Well kinda bummed out. Looks like I won't be hanging out with the ex tomorrow as planned because she's a senior in high school and she gets her report card tomorrow and her grades are horrible so most likely won't be able to see her. We just got done having a good talk online and she said she does really want to see me tomorrow but prolly won't cause of her rents I mean she's only 18 so thats why she still lives at home. We talked about the future again and she did say if things get better she def. sees us back together. I admitted my mistakes I had done and it seems she is giving me the decision to work on myself and prove to her that things will change and be much better this time around so feeling pretty good that the fate of us getting back together is in my hands which isn't how it is most of the time. Just kinda bummed that I may not see her tomorrow.
Author BwsLnc07 Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 Well have been really down the past few days. Well as you all know that everything seemed to be goin in the right direction after I went to her show. We both said we wanted the relationship to work out and that we loved each other. But the day after I hear nothin from her then monday night we talk online and she said she def. wants to get back with me if she sees things gettin better. Then yesterday and today I hear nothin from her. Im goin crazy because sat. night we were so close but ever since she has been so distant. Im going to stick to NC because I have shown her that I want to be with her by going to her show and she said she wants it to work out but her actions are def. not supporting her words. IDK if im just stressin out to much about this because I mean its only been two days of not hearin from her and we haven't even been broken up for two weeks. IDK I just needed to write out my thoughts before I did something stupid like call her and confess my love. On a brighter note hope everyone has a happy thanksgiving.
birdie Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 hope it works out for you. just keep your cool, she is obviously a little freaked out and inexperienced with relationships anyway. two days is nothing, just give her time, don't pressurise her and see how it goes. good luck
Author BwsLnc07 Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 Well things have somewhat turned around since last night go figure but anyways. Well I get on my facebook and I have a message from the ex wishin me a happy thanksgiving and im the only person she wrote it to. She also still has our picture of us together as her profile pic. Well right when I sign on AIM she im's me right away wishin me a happy thanksgiving and we just have a very friendly talk nothin deep or about the past. I guess I should take this as a good sign.
Author BwsLnc07 Posted November 23, 2007 Author Posted November 23, 2007 Well I just had to sudden urge to talk to my ex I just had to see how she felt because i was still feelin lost about things. I had to ask how she felt and she kept saying things like if things go in the right direction yes we will get back together and that she wants it more than anything but doesn't see things gettin better right now. She wants to start hangin out only as friends, and have no more talks about this or anything from the past and to completely start a new relationship which is somethin i couldn't agree with more. She then told me she does love me more than anything and that she does want to be with me but she will decide depending on how our friendship goes. She stated she doesn't want a relationship right now but if we rekindle things she def. would be with me. Then what crushed me is that she can't hang out with me until she is not grounded anymore which is not until the middle of next month. Im really confused on what my next step is. If we were able to hang out I would just show her what shes missin but since we can't I dont know if i should stay in contact with her or just completely cut if off until she can hang out. Very lost and confused right now. Advice needed.
crinago1172 Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 Why not let her discover herself that she misses you by not hanging out for a while. Sometimes that works. When a person suddenly realizes that you are not around, she tends to think about you and before you know it, she starts calling or texting for that matter. Just leave it be for a while, give her a breather, don't press her into a situation she is not yet ready to commit. You are the older one, try to be more patient.
Author BwsLnc07 Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 Well just kinda confused right now. Well tonight was a concert me and the ex were supposed to see a band me and her both like a lot and its her fav band actually. Well during the week of NC she thought me and her were on bad terms so she asked one of her friends to go with her instead (her friend is a gay guy so not really worried about it plus I have met him def. gay but anyways) I had been in NC the last 2 days to give her some space and a breather to think about things until she called me tonight and lemme listen to one of my fav. songs by them and then 3 mins. later she calls again and lemme listens to one of our fav. songs by them. Then she calls an hour later but didn't pick up because I was at a party and didn't realize that she had called. Just confused on why she would call 3 times in an hour.
Author BwsLnc07 Posted November 28, 2007 Author Posted November 28, 2007 Well I have been in NC for a week with the ex and have heard absolutely nothing well besides her callin me three times while she was at her concert. How can somebody who says they love you more than anything, wants it more to work out more than anything in the world, and then be so distant. I know time and space is probably the best thing to do but just really lost right now. I'm really starting to miss my linz and its really starting to get to me but I have to keep strong and keep my head up.
Author BwsLnc07 Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 I talked to the ex's sister last night she called me and just asked how I was. She told me that lindsey my ex had put the roses I gave her and hung them in the kitchen and dried them out so they would last forever. She also told me she talked to on of lindsey's good friends and he said that she def. has a thing for me still. Well the ex made contact today which only lasted id say five mins. I have been stickin to nc to change myself for the better and to give her time and space. She im's me though for bascially no reason. She tells me she is meetin one of her old bestfriends who basically betrayed her and it has been stressin her out for two years now. So I told her she should meet up with her to get some closure out of it since it has been bugging her for so long. She told me she just wanted to forgive her and forget her and move on. Then I told her I had to go because I had class which I did and told her if she needed to talk I would be there for her. Don't know if that was a mistake to tell her that. Im just really confused why she would IM me for this. Maybe she actually is startin to miss me who knows. Could use everyone thoughts on my situation.
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