DRDimeMami Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Its been 9 months since I've been with my boyfriend. If you have read my other post, then you'd know what I've been through with him. Well his grandparents are in town (his mother passed away and his father is back home), and he wanted me to meet them. I was at work and he wanted to pick me up so I can go to dinner. I told him I couldn't because my mother wouldn't let me go (I'm 19 with a semi-strict mother). She didn't want him picking me up and plus I was tired from working all day long. My mother doesn't know that I've been feeling wishy washy between him and this other guy, so she still thinks that I want to be with him and all that. So when I got home, she let me go to dinner. But she wanted his grandparents to come to my house instead for her to meet them. It's not like she really wanted to meet them but it was just for the hell of it because he kept asking me and I kept asking her so she said yes so I would stop insisting. So my father had just gotten home and he didn't go outside to meet them. My mother and I did and then we left to dinner. At dinner, I could tell they didn't like the food but they were eating it not to be rude. I knew we should have gone to a nicer restaurant, and I felt like they thought we went to eat there because of me. I was nervous and we spoke a bit about everything. They were saying how young we both are and we have alot to learn, nobody is perfect and you have to experience things, and how he's talented in music, drawing, and playing baseball. Pretty much making it seem he's a great guy because that's their grandson. I understand that because you would talk about your child in a great way to someone else also. They were supposed to go to my house after dinner but instead we ended up taking them back to their place. There I met one of his aunts and little cousins. His grandmother asked how long we've been together and I said 9 months, she was like that's not much but its almost a year. Then she started talking about marriage. I just smiled and stayed kinda quiet and said maybe who knew later on in the future. My boyfriend said the same thing. I know he's a good guy because that's why I liked him in the first place when we met. I was crazy over him. But now that we have been through so many things and had so many arguments and break ups, its like those feelings have kinda gone away on their own. I use to get butterflies where my heart would drop down and come right back up really fast. I haven't gotten those in a long time. Maybe just a few times but it wasn't as intense as before. I don't know if its that I got tired of everything and I'm into the other guy that I've mentioned before. I'm scared of leaving him and being with someone else and then later on I'll be like ok I want to go back with him and I won't be able to because he might be with someone else by that time. At the same time, I want to try out other guys, because he has been my only real boyfriend and longest relationship. I kinda don't want to marry my first boyfriend especially when I'm feeling like this right now. It's like I try to get those feelings back how I use to have them but I can't. Things could be good between us but I don't feel the same as I used to because of all the arguing and things he says that just make me not want to keep on going with him. Especially when my family doesn't want me to be with him. He says he loves me and wants to work it out so that we can be happy. But its like he should have done that in first place before letting everything occur now. I don't know what to do. For thanksgiving, he invited me to go eat with his family after I eat with my family. I feel like I got in more deep now since I met his grandparents. So if I was to break up with him, he'd be hurt and his family wouldn't like me anymore. But would I have to worry about that? I would be doing it for me. For my happiness. Not for anyone else's. That's my question.. if I was to break up with him, would I be wrong for doing so? For hurting him and leading his family to believe that we would have a future together?
jcster Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 It's not wrong to break up with someone. If you don't want to be with him anymore, then that's enough reason to go. Staying together out of obligation cheats you both. Ask yourself this, do you want to marry your first and only boyfriend? If not, then it might be time to move on.
Trialbyfire Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 My mother doesn't know that I've been feeling wishy washy between him and this other guy, If you feel wishy-washy, especially considering your age and that he's your first b/f, let him go. Don't cheat, just to keep him around.
LoveLace Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 1st of all, I wouldn't say you've lead his family to believe there is a future there...I'd say they just think there's a chance. If they are under an impression that it's more, then it probably came from him. And no, I don't think you should worry about their perspective of you for breaking with him. Unless he's the type to exaggerate in order to make you look bad to them...otherwise people break up all the time and to do it because the feeling is no longer there, or it just didnt work out, that's a good reason to consdier break-up! You would be doing nothing wrong, breaking up with someone isn't illegal. Maybe you should tell him that after all you've been through as a couple, your not sure about a future with him so you need time to steer away. But he doesn't have to "wait for you" if he doesn't want to, yes that's the risky part of it all. If you had the "other guy", would you still be considering this break-up? Something about the other guy must not make your BF look quite as good as he once did to ya...anyway it sounds like you just overall don't have that feeling anymore, and weather or not another dude is there, time away is sometimes the best way to see if the "feelings" come back or not. 9 months is plenty of time to get serious and create history with someone...and hurt someone...but you still have to act on your conflicting feelings instead of hiding them. Do it now before it's been more like 9 years! And when your being honest with him, throw in the fact that he's your 1st boyfriend so you feel the need to take a step back and re-evaluate, think about stuff, and decide weather or not he is really what you want at this time.
4givrnt4gtr Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 I know he's a good guy because that's why I liked him in the first place when we met. I was crazy over him. But now that we have been through so many things and had so many arguments and break ups, its like those feelings have kinda gone away on their own. I use to get butterflies where my heart would drop down and come right back up really fast. I haven't gotten those in a long time. Maybe just a few times but it wasn't as intense as before. I don't know if its that I got tired of everything and I'm into the other guy that I've mentioned before. Well...sounds like your honeymoon period with this guy is over....and thats completely normal. Relationships go thru several stages, and the first one is the honeymoon stage, with the butterflies, the oh my god cant live without him, the daydreaming about him, etc. After that comes the bonding stage...or in your case, the break up time. After all the butterflies die down, if the relationship works, then you just feel content with the person you're with, you like their companionship, you still find them attractive, but maybe not many butterflies anymore. However, at this time its also when people take off their rose colored glasses and truly see their partner for who they really are. And this is when people decide if they want to continue onto something more serious or not. You are still young and you may be wanting to chase that "high" feeling, maybe with someone else, and thats fine. However, keep in mind that those feelings sooner or later will die down, no matter who it is. When you're ready to find something serious, try to not give up when the high of endorphines die down (which are the ones that give you the butterfly feelings) and see if you can make your relationship deeper. Good luck with whatever you decide to do
LoveLace Posted November 18, 2007 Posted November 18, 2007 That's good advice...even though at your age you probably want to shop around more...it's still something to keep in mind. You want to break up but your not sure if you want to lose him forever. Maybe it'd be a good idea to get some space from both guys, and have some time for yourself....a couple weeks or so...and you might be surprised if you end up wanting either of them guys at all! But the point would be to really sort out your thoughts. Just be honest in telling the guys your doing it...well you could handle that however you want but I'd go with the truth. Give yourself the time to be truly single and enjoy things that don't necessarily involve any men, like going out with girl friends or picking up a hobby. You can enjoy yourself and still get some perspective at the same time....it really works, sometimes you don't realize you need it until your already doing it! Ultimately you'll probably decide if you want to stay single a while longer. Otherwise, your basically choosing between the 2 dudes, or maybe more if you meet some while your out with the girls! It's just that we take singledom for granted at times, I'm so used to it and complain...but there's no better way to stay true to yourself! It refreshes you, and you'll be thinking more clearly when you walk back into anything with a guy. As for your BF, remember letting go and holding on can sometimes be just as hard as the other...
Recommended Posts