bish Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Part of me wants her to find out.... but another part doesn't... I would never do anything to contact her/etc. however, sometimes I wish she knew. Be careful what you wish for.
Gwyneth Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Be careful what you wish for. I wish the wife knew too, and yeah, I am well aware of "watch what you wish for," because I know she can be a monster. I think it is the cheating spouses responsibility to tell their spouse that they were unfaithful. With Who is not important--it's the fact that they were unfaithful. The MM I was in the affair with chooses to just lie and lie to his wife, and he knows she doesn't buy it, but that's just how ignorant he is, I suppose. Hopefully he will come to his senses and be fair with her and let her know he was unfaithful.
head.heart& hand Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 There are obvious signs... what else does she need that he is cheating on her?? Maybe she doesn't want to start over? Maybe she's afraid? If she suspects an affair, maybe she's waiting for it to burn out? Maybe she's weighed it all and is going to wait it out --maybe? What do you think?? For some time, I gave serious consideration to ending the relationship and sending my separated m's spouse a sincere letter of apology. It would be brief and genuine and would also ensure the end of the relationship.
White Flower Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I'll post all about it once I am off of probation, lol. It would be easier for me to respond to posts without having to wait for Tony to approve my posts before the board can see them. I'm doing great! You know, I read over and over what people write and say on here and while I still feel very strongly about a lot of my decisions and opinions, I also see things slightly different. I really think this board did some good for me. I also saw this guy for who he really is, and that was done on my own. My being angry with him doesn't really have anything to do with our affair, but our friendship, because before our affair, he's my friend. Not anymore Good for you, Gwyneth.
bish Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I wish the wife knew too, and yeah, I am well aware of "watch what you wish for," because I know she can be a monster. I think it is the cheating spouses responsibility to tell their spouse that they were unfaithful. With Who is not important--it's the fact that they were unfaithful. The MM I was in the affair with chooses to just lie and lie to his wife, and he knows she doesn't buy it, but that's just how ignorant he is, I suppose. Hopefully he will come to his senses and be fair with her and let her know he was unfaithful. Why do you care if he is "fair" with her if she is such a monster?
bish Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Ok I know this is going to stir up all kinds of things... but as I sit home sort of alone tonight my mind is wandering.... I have a question for all you OW out there. Honestly. What do you think about the BS/W??? If it were ME. I know that I would put up with very little from my H/BF. Maybe I'm cynical. I don't know.... But I think about all the blatent signs, (that my MM has given his W) and I don't see how she could have stayed with him for so long. So many unexplained things, so many "in-your-face" situations and I just can't help but lose respect for her because she put up with him and THIS for so long. Does she think she is really going to walk in on him f***ing someone else or what? There are obvious signs... what else does she need that he is cheating on her?? At the same time..... are our situations really that different?? What do you think?? I had a face to face confrontation with my ex-W's live in loser. I told him I wanted to buy him a beer for taking her off my hands. He had this puzzled look on his face and asked why...I told him she was a cheater and always has been. And with his insecurities, I guess they are now on the rocks cuz he doesn't trust her. He knew she was a cheater when having the affair with her...but he didn't care...now that they are together he questions her every move, forbids her to go to certain places. Ah...she is starting to see the greener grass....LOL.
Gwyneth Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Why do you care if he is "fair" with her if she is such a monster? Even monsters deserve to know their husband is a lying cheater, right? If I was a monster, I'd want to know. I just don't feel it's my job or responsibility to let her know. If she came to me again and actually spoke to me and asked me, I think I'd be honest with her. You see, he expects me to go with his lame story, and I told him I'm not going to do that. He was always worried I was going to tell her. He also knows I have no way of finding her unless I Really searched for her. I don't even know her name, and I don't even know if she took his last name when they married. I only know what she does for a living, and that she works near where they live, and he told me where they live. Well, okay I know enough about her, but I have better things to do than stalk her to tell her what a cheating liar her husband is.
justice Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I had a face to face confrontation with my ex-W's live in loser. I told him I wanted to buy him a beer for taking her off my hands. He had this puzzled look on his face and asked why...I told him she was a cheater and always has been. And with his insecurities, I guess they are now on the rocks cuz he doesn't trust her. He knew she was a cheater when having the affair with her...but he didn't care...now that they are together he questions her every move, forbids her to go to certain places. Ah...she is starting to see the greener grass....LOL.[/quote Good for you Bish! Happy Thanksgiving!
bish Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I had a face to face confrontation with my ex-W's live in loser. I told him I wanted to buy him a beer for taking her off my hands. He had this puzzled look on his face and asked why...I told him she was a cheater and always has been. And with his insecurities, I guess they are now on the rocks cuz he doesn't trust her. He knew she was a cheater when having the affair with her...but he didn't care...now that they are together he questions her every move, forbids her to go to certain places. Ah...she is starting to see the greener grass....LOL.[/quote Good for you Bish! Happy Thanksgiving! It will be my first one without her...so yes, it will be VERY happy.
child_of_isis Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 No...your situations are not that different at all. OW's also have obvious signs that he is lying, and sleeping with someone else (his wife). Yet they stay. One could go to their home, see MM and W lovingly and happily cuddled up on the couch, yet would allow him to convince them that they didn't see what they know they saw. The same disrespect that OW's have for W, they have for themselves... for believing and staying. Back to the circle of life. But I think about all the blatent signs, (that my MM has given his W) and I don't see how she could have stayed with him for so long. So many unexplained things, so many "in-your-face" situations and I just can't help but lose respect for her because she put up with him and THIS for so long. Does she think she is really going to walk in on him f***ing someone else or what? There are obvious signs... what else does she need that he is cheating on her?? At the same time..... are our situations really that different??
EnigmaXOXO Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I feel sad for them. Then again, whether it be a stranger or friend, I can’t stand to see anyone being taken advantage of. Funny, but it bothers me more to watch it happening to someone else than it ever would if it were happening to me. Watch very closely how a man treats a woman that he's supposed to love and respect - it's a REAL good indication of his true character. There is so much truth in that statement for me! When I meet any potential relationship partner, one of the first things I’m always curious about is what their past relationship history was like. It’s not something you always come right out and ask someone ... but wouldn’t it be nice if everyone came with a letter of recommendation/complaint from all their past lovers so you’d know exactly what you had to look forward to once the “trying too hard to impress you” act wore off? Just think of how much time and grief that would save you in the long run. For me, I’m less impressed by what someone is like on their best behavior. I want to know what it’s like to deal with them when they’re at their worst. Now to me ... knowing straight away that someone is dishonest, disloyal, talks out of both sides of their mouth, and has the propensity to lie and cheat on their partner rather than handling their business upfront is like having that insight to their past and present relationship conduct without ever having to ask. Don’t need to by a fly on the wall or wonder why the last lover dumped them. And those certainly aren’t the character traits I would add to my “wish list” of what I’m hoping to find in a long-term mate. It’s the same reason why I’ve never involved myself with someone who dated a friend or a relative of mine. You already have the inside scoop on what they’re really like to live with ... and NO THANKS, if that’s how you treated her, than I’m certainly not giving you a chance to do it to me! Than again, I’ve never been so smug as to think I’d somehow make a better relationship partner than the last gal he was or is already with. Or foolish enough to think that I was somehow “special” and that this guy would never have reason to cheat on me because I had a better handle on what it took to keep him from getting bored and disenchanted. And I feel equally sad for all those ladies out there who have been brainwashed into believing that getting and keeping a good man is all about the “sex.” When in fact, it has a whole lot more to do with the choosin’.
frannie Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 Now to me ... knowing straight away that someone is dishonest, disloyal, talks out of both sides of their mouth, and has the propensity to lie and cheat on their partner rather than handling their business upfront is like having that insight to their past and present relationship conduct without ever having to ask. Don’t need to by a fly on the wall or wonder why the last lover dumped them. And those certainly aren’t the character traits I would add to my “wish list” of what I’m hoping to find in a long-term mate. Than again, I’ve never been so smug as to think I’d somehow make a better relationship partner than the last gal he was or is already with. Or foolish enough to think that I was somehow “special” and that this guy would never have reason to cheat on me because I had a better handle on what it took to keep him from getting bored and disenchanted. And I feel equally sad for all those ladies out there who have been brainwashed into believing that getting and keeping a good man is all about the “sex.” When in fact, it has a whole lot more to do with the choosin’. This is exactly what's always bothered me about MM, and it's the feeling that grew more and more with the length of time we were involved. And grew more knowing that his W was as miserable as I was, and yet he was quite prepared to continue with the affair. The longer he was prepared to do it, the more I looked at him and couldn't respect what he was doing. And, what you said above that I've bolded, about not thinking I'm going to be 'any better' than his W, nor would I want to be someone who bent over backwards so he didn't feel the need to lie to me and cheat on me, because "he wouldn't need to", or whatever people come out with. No, the reason he 'speaks out of both sides of his mouth' is that he has his own issues which he has to deal with before any new relationship would survive. I'm not saying they're insurmountable, and to an extent, if a MM has left of his own volition, then he may well have dealt with them. i.e. if he's come clean with his W, bitten the bullet with his children, and finally become a man of integrity..? But a man thrown out or leaving after a d-day even..? Hmmm a much dodgier prospect. Because he's never had to walk the walk... But let's not get carried away, still. The stats say that the majority of married people cheat in one way or another. So we can't just write off 50% of the population as being not partner material, can we?
OWoman Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I have a question for all you OW out there. Honestly. What do you think about the BS/W??? I wish she'd get the therapy she needs. That she could stop her abusive behaviour towards everyone - her kids, her H, her colleagues, the guy who fixes the drains, the checkout girl in the shop - and could make some friends. Real friends, not just drinking buddies to sit around and get wasted with, loudly slagging off everyone present and absent. She's going to need friends.
White Flower Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 No...your situations are not that different at all. OW's also have obvious signs that he is lying, and sleeping with someone else (his wife). Yet they stay. One could go to their home, see MM and W lovingly and happily cuddled up on the couch, yet would allow him to convince them that they didn't see what they know they saw. The same disrespect that OW's have for W, they have for themselves... for believing and staying. Back to the circle of life. I must admit you make an excellent point. I was under the impression MM's W pushed him away all the time from couch cuddling, but then he would slip and tell me that she was complaining that he wasn't grabbing her A** much anymore. Come on, give me a break! I could tell then that they weren't THAT distant!
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