spooty Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 i just sorta broke up with my bf (we'll see tomorrow if it sticks) because he treats me like nothing. he'll come over, watch tv or play video games, and the whole time we won't touch at all, or even really be alone since he won't leave the common area of the apt. i asked to sleep over (because i like to once a week) and he said no, and when i asked him if that no will ever be a yes he starts calling me needy. i don't think i've asked for that much, i want to be able to touch when we're alone together and to have sex more than once every two weeks and to sleep over sometimes! we both live on campus at college and every night he'll sleep in his apt and i'll sleep in mine. i know he's under a lot of stress so i only ask on weekends or nights that i know for sure he doesn't have anything due the next day. he says that he'd want me more if i had no time for him and was more independent. i don't think i'm that clingy! i hardly ever call him, he's the one that calls me and wants to come over. the only thing he goes on is that i get angry when he comes over and hangs out with my roommates and barely speaks to me or when he just plain ignores me. i get jealous but that's because i get nothing and everyone else gets at least something! this is the extent of our interaction: -he calls and needs to go to the store or to come over to watch the big tv (his is in my apt), he calls with a specific reason everytime -whenever we go out to the mall or to a movie it's never alone it's always "hey ask everyone if they wanna see blahblah" and if they don't then we don't go -we don't make out -we don't touch -we don't talk about anything important, he hid the fact that he was taking horseback riding lessons, and he didn't tell me he was even graduating this year! he's being distant... which makes me feel needy.... and my neediness makes him pull away even more. i feel like the only time he'll make time for me is when i have no time for him. i don't want to have to fill my life to meet his definition of "independent". we have plenty of separate aspects to our lives. it's friday night and i wanted to spend it with him, because i really like those lazy saturday mornings. but wanting to be alone with him for the first time in a whole week makes me a pathetic needy bitch. what the hell am i supposed to have planned on friday night other than hang out with my boyfriend after a long hard week of classes?? i've turned off my phone and AIM, because i told him i don't want to see him anymore and i meant it. my roommate is having a party tomorrow and he'll probably be there but i've planned to be somewhere else. the thing that sucks is that since i'm trying to get away from him he'll see this as "independence" and try to get me back. do you think i was being too needy? i tried to give as much from both sides as i could. do you think i've made a good decision? is it a good idea to not be at the party? (i get emotional when drunk and he is very avoidant of me when he's drunk so i think it's the best move) thoughts? he keeps his tv and video games at my apt and he's good friends with my roommates so that sort of obligates me to let him in. i don't know what to do, he's already trying to contact me because trying to break up has made him want me... god what do i do....
qwertyu Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 i was sorta in a similar situation as you with my ex before we broke up. i think i was being too needy when i look back, i understand how you feel because its only natural you want to spend time w him during the weekends aft a long hard week at school. since you know that you & him being drunk = not a very good thing then i think you shld stay away from the party. maybe you could plan a get together w your girlfriends & try to have fun w them? when i broke up w him, i hung out w my girlfriends & i found out it wasnt as bad as i thought it was gna be, it actually turned out quite fun & i realise why he didnt always wna be with me every weekend. but anyway, i think you should talk to him. try to explain to him how you feel & also try to put yourself in his position if he tells you anything. its really all abt compromising. good luck!
sao2 Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Neediness is all about prospective. To be perfectly honest I just think you and him were not a couple. Maybe in your eyes but I don't think he saw it that way. If he claims that you were a couple then just say you are breaking up with him because your needs were not being satisfied(easier said than done I know).
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