Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.... you decide...

[shenandoah]

Hi everybody, well.....There's somebody i really like, and the position is a difficult one- I'm a mature student and he's my advisor. i think hes about 8 or 9 years older than me, and i *think* he might like me. In my gut i think he likes me, it's something to do with how it feels when i'm with him- or is it how i feel? haha! But then i think- you're his student don't be silly! i actually try and tell my friends why i think he likes me, but it sounds daft when i say it, and they think i'm messing. I feel so silly about it. I fancy a lot of guys and i've always got a crush on somebody but i swear this feels different. Meeting this guy made me finally (besides other issues) realise how wrong my ex was for me- everything that first struck me about this guy, was totally different to the guy i was dating! I can't get this guy out of my head...

 

Basically i go to see him if i'm struggling with any assignments.(he's suggested another- whoo!) I saw him yesterday for about 50 mins. i first saw him about two months ago in the canteen and thought he was beautiful- imagine my shock when my mystery guy was appointed as my advisor! i've been with him 3 times now, one on one, and each time i feel more.. i don't know...!!

 

Now obviously, i've never seen this guy around other people and i've only met him in a professional capacity but erm... i found his myspace...(obvs he doesn't know that!) we have SO much in common it's unreal- the same favourite fairly obscure music etc etc. So this has made me like him more!

 

Thing is, i'm in a bit of a trap- he's professional and we have a professional relationship technically, so i'm hardly going to ask him for his number - as if i ever could anyway!! I'd die!

 

I don't even know if he likes me back, but when i'm with him, as i say, i feel as though, there is some chemistry there, for want of a better word. I like him very much. So i have limited evidence to go on... I'm not sure what to do next...

 

but my only evidence is thus, and i was wondering what you guys think (do we have any body language experts in the house? ha!)

 

okay.. consider your verdict.....

 

1- he acts very gentlemanly around me. He always pulls my chair out, says "after you" apologises a lot for stuff, opens doors, walks behind or on the left. Is this just plain good manners (attractive if it is!)? or is he being specially nice to me?

 

2-His body language. I'm no expert but his body is turned towards me at all times, his feet are in my direction, he looks me in the eye when he speaks, we also mirror each others mannerisms- i started smirking when i realised we both kept brushing our own hair back after the other did it! he smiles a lot at me also.

 

3- he listens very attentively and remembers what i say- again is this him doing his job? but he remembers exact phrases i use and says "you said earlier that...." and he remembers five or six words verbatim that i used. so he's for better or worse paying attention to me.

 

4- this is the main thing that made me think he liked me-(it sounds stupid, but felt nice!) bear with me here whilst i try and describe this- i was talking about a song i liked, used in a text and i was trying to explain its use within a text, he noted down what i said about it saying "we can use this..." he then leant over to write and he started smiling to himself and he looked up at me for a second, with a flash in his eyes and said "yeah..it is GREAT though isn't it??" then instantly went "yeah sorry, carry on..." i said "yeah.. its a great song.." That second i felt like we were connecting over this bit of music that was esoteric and old and scratchy, but he just kind of wanted to convey that he thought it was great too.

 

5- hes started using my name a lot in conversation- "don't worry, marie, the thing is.." "you will do, marie" " yeah but marie.." It kind of sounds familiar and i like it when he does it.

 

6- hes complimentary about me- academically- he says " what you're saying is great, you know what you're talking about, you're really intelligent..."

i thought " i like this game.. can i say something nice about you now?"

 

7- again it might be politeness, but he never tells me our appointment is at an end- every occasion, reception have had to ring him to say somebody is waiting for him in the foyer, so we have to scram.

 

8- it felt weird when we said goodbye yesterday. i was polite and said "okay, thank you" i can't remember what he said! i cant explain it, maybe it was just me, it was in the dark and i was outside and i felt kind of awkward and had to say "oh, i'm going this way..."

 

I think all of these things could be taken either way so it's not very good evidence, i know! but its all i have to work with! Ladies and gentlemen of the jury please retire to consider your verdict.......

[RecordProducer]

Your story made smile. (Not laugh, just smile). What a cute little crush that will probably be washed away with the first spring rain (of exams) or perhaps develop into a life-lasting love? Who knows?

 

It certainly sounds like he might like you. I can tell you right away, if you are cute, he definitely likes you, especially if you're thin on top of that. I am a woman and not much into looks, but are shallow when it comes to looks. If you consider yourself avergae looking, it stil doesn't mean he just sees you as a student. I would try to steer the conversation with him into a more personal direction. Find out if he has a significant other, for example. Make him tell you about himself; if he likes you, he will brag and tell you about how great he is. Tell him about yourself - tell a story in some context; if he likes you, he will eagerly listen to what you have to say and recat with more than a smile and a "Let's get back to work."

 

Don't SAY anything that might compromise your position; use your eyes to let him know you like him. If he likes you, he will respond sooner or later. If he withdraws after a few nice looks, he is either not available or not interested so give uo. Good luck!

[LN99]

I have been in your situation. It's almost scary how alike things sound. I thought I was crazy at first imagining things.... But he does all of the above things and also.....I caught him staring on many occasions at me while I was in another class with another teacher or trying to get my attention. And yes, the connection......just looking at each other and smiling over something in conversation or just when we were in the same room for like 10-15 sec. The thing is...I never found this guy attractive at the beginning. It was all this attention that he was giving me that made me realize one day that "wow, I like him." He even told me how much we were alike a few times. Then sometimes he would brush past me or walk past me and touch the small of my back or stand really close to me or bump into me lightly and stand so we were touching. I was like...."ok, maybe I'm not crazy here."

 

The thing is, I can't do anything about it. Seeing as he is in authority over me, it would be a bad thing to get involved while I'm still in school.

It's fustrating, but I can't seem to get him out of my mind.

 

But, it could be just a silly crush that I am totally misreading...who knows?

 

Anyways, in your situation...I would try to find out if he is with someone before doing anything. For all you know, he could just like the ego boost that comes along with a younger woman admiring him. Hopefully its not though. Do your homework on him and find out if he is worth pursuing...when the time is right. Good luck!

[shenandoah]

Your story made smile. (Not laugh, just smile). What a cute little crush that will probably be washed away with the first spring rain (of exams) or perhaps develop into a life-lasting love? Who knows?

 

It certainly sounds like he might like you. I can tell you right away, if you are cute, he definitely likes you, especially if you're thin on top of that. I am a woman and not much into looks, but are shallow when it comes to looks. If you consider yourself avergae looking, it stil doesn't mean he just sees you as a student. I would try to steer the conversation with him into a more personal direction. Find out if he has a significant other, for example. Make him tell you about himself; if he likes you, he will brag and tell you about how great he is. Tell him about yourself - tell a story in some context; if he likes you, he will eagerly listen to what you have to say and recat with more than a smile and a "Let's get back to work."

 

Don't SAY anything that might compromise your position; use your eyes to let him know you like him. If he likes you, he will respond sooner or later. If he withdraws after a few nice looks, he is either not available or not interested so give uo. Good luck!

 

Haha! it doesn't worry me even if you did laugh- i'm laughing at myself- i'm a 26 year old woman, studying to be a professional, yet i go red and giggly at the prospect of sitting in the same room as my tutor!! its awful!

 

Well i don't know if i qualify as "cute"- though i might be in some way, as i'm acting like a 13 year old around him! lol, but yeah people tell me i'm pretty. let's just hope he thinks i am! well yeah, i'm glad it's not just me who thinks he *might* like me- maybe i'm not going mad after all!

 

And yeah- professional relationships are always a toughie- with your teacher below, how old is he by the way? and how old are you? if you're still in school he's acting very weirdly!

[sb129]

I think its a tough one, as you do have a professional relationship to maintain with this man.

 

Maybe he is just super- attentive because he is enthusiastic about his job?

Maybe he IS attracted to you.

 

Either way, as long as he is your advisor, I would avoid getting into a R with him, as it could have a negative impact on his career, and if it ended it could get very very sticky.

 

Do you know if he is married or not?

[WaterTiger]

I think you're reading WAY too much into this. The man is polite, has "old fashoined" manners, thoughtful and you're already wonding what he'll look like bouncing a kid on his knee.

 

He could lose his career over going out with you! He'd have to move to get hired again. And you'd never be able to trust an advisor that dates hot co-eds with bedroom eyes and pouty lips.

 

Get your education, graduate, leave school and THEN ask him if he feels the beating of your love sick heart.

 

Gads! Didn't we all get over the "falling in love with teacher" stuff back in middle school?????

[LN99]

[quote=shenandoah;1411100

 

And yeah- professional relationships are always a toughie- with your teacher below, how old is he by the way? and how old are you? if you're still in school he's acting very weirdly!

 

 

I'm the same age as you...(26). He is 8 yrs older.

 

 

Oh and someone mentioned getting over crushes on teachers in middle school? Never ever had one....before now on a teacher. Never saw them that way...EVER! Thats why this shocks me.

[shenandoah]

Ah, i'm sorry i thought you were younger. See this is the thing, as two adults, it's not really inappropriate per se- no more so than going out with somebody at work would be- the problem is that its not like it's a guy at a bar or something where you can make a fool of yourself and never see them again, it feels weird having feelings for somebody in a professional way because the tone of your relationship is set. As for his status- defo not married, about 60% sure he's single. It is a bit weird though having feelings for somebody in this way!

[LN99]

Ah, i'm sorry i thought you were younger. See this is the thing, as two adults, it's not really inappropriate per se- no more so than going out with somebody at work would be- the problem is that its not like it's a guy at a bar or something where you can make a fool of yourself and never see them again, it feels weird having feelings for somebody in a professional way because the tone of your relationship is set. As for his status- defo not married, about 60% sure he's single. It is a bit weird though having feelings for somebody in this way!

 

 

Oh I know what you're saying. Trust me, of all the men out there, I never expected to feel this way about this particular person. But, it happened and I can't control how I feel. I just try to avoid the whole situation as much as possible. I know no good can come from it while being in school. Good news is that I graduate in May! But even still, I have been in other relationships and never felt this way. Maybe we end up liking the people we admire? He is new and isn't the best teacher(lots of the other students talk crap about how unclear he is with certain things pertaining to his classes.) He is also kind of quiet. But, he's very personable with me. When I was going through some rough times earlier this year, he told me he would be there to "talk" if I ever needed someone to talk to. So that and along with the other stuff, has left me confused.. More then likely, I will never see him again after I graduate...but it is an ego boost for myself that he would take such an interest. Oh well.....

 

I'm surprised your tudor has a myspace! Usually people in authority don't do all that. Well, I guess when your done with school or at least having him for a tudor, you will see if he's interested or not. If he doesn't pursue you, then you know.

[CD111]

Actually, it doesn't matter how adult you are. You are considering a relationship with your advisor at school and that's inappropriate no matter how you look at it and try to rationalize it. So far he is your advisor and if he ever becomes your professor, then having a relationship with him is even worse. He could definitely loose his job over this. So I suggest you either find another advisor and ask this guy out if he isn't married or put your feeling aside and keep the relationship professional. Second of all make sure you don't get played, do you know how many professor's have relationships with their students? Lots. My advisor has definitely made sexual advances to me in the past and so has my sister's.

 

Don't get me wrong I can understand why prof's would be attracted to their female students. Students are generally motivated, have goal they want to achieve, have the same professional interests and the female students come to the advisors for help and assistance. Guys love that stuff. But be aware of the ground you are treading on.

[RecordProducer]

i'm a 26 year old woman, studying to be a professional

Law school?

[sb129]

Actually, it doesn't matter how adult you are. You are considering a relationship with your advisor at school and that's inappropriate no matter how you look at it and try to rationalize it. So far he is your advisor and if he ever becomes your professor, then having a relationship with him is even worse. He could definitely loose his job over this.

This is true. His employers won't see it as two adults having a consenting relationship, they will see it as you potentially having an unfair advantage over your fellow students, and him overstepping the boundaries of his professional obligations, or even possibly abusing his position of authority.

 

Nearly ALL university students are adult in the eyes of the law (18 or over), and a tutor having a relationship with a student of any age is frowned upon .

[Trialbyfire]

I've always thought that part of the appeal of the advisors and profs, to some women, is that they are in a position of authority. Same goes for Execs.

 

As for the appeal of students to advisors/profs, a woman who admires and respects a man, is an ego-stroke. Add in the forbidden fruit component and that older men are drawn to younger women, and you have the basis for this side of the attraction.

 

Put both of these aspects together and you will find your average campus romance...

[RecordProducer]

This is true. His employers won't see it as two adults having a consenting relationship, they will see it as you potentially having an unfair advantage over your fellow students, and him overstepping the boundaries of his professional obligations, or even possibly abusing his position of authority.

 

Nearly ALL university students are adult in the eyes of the law (18 or over), and a tutor having a relationship with a student of any age is frowned upon .

This is very true, but they can hide their relationship. I don't know the rules of the US educational institutions, though. I think this is just a temporary crush anyway. I had a friend in Paris who hooked up with one of our teachers in college. She was 29 and he was 42 or so. He told her he lived with his GF, but I think she was his WIFE and they had an 18-month old son. My friend was hoping that he would marry her, but he ended up using her for sex a couple times and that was it.

 

I've always thought that part of the appeal of the advisors and profs, to some women, is that they are in a position of authority. Same goes for Execs.

 

As for the appeal of students to advisors/profs, a woman who admires and respects a man, is an ego-stroke. Add in the forbidden fruit component and that older men are drawn to younger women, and you have the basis for this side of the attraction.

 

Put both of these aspects together and you will find your average campus romance...

Soooooooooooooooo true! Actually it's proven in psychology that women are drawn to authority: professors, bosses, judges, politicians, doctors, counselors, even men in uniforms, like cops, soldiers or pilots.

[CD111]

I definitely agree with the second half of the last post. The female student/prof relationship is a textbook example of what many women and men want. However, that doesn't mean it's alright to do that. Yeah I am sure many people have secret student/prof relationships; however, it's still wrong and if women want to be respected professionally then sleeping with men in positions of authority within their chosen careers is not the best way to do it. Chances are that yes, it's just a crush, or all the prof wants is to get laid with yet another student. I won't even voice my opinion about if the prof is married or has a GF. Especially if they have a child.