sunflower37 Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 HI everyone, I wasn't sure quite how to title this thread yet I have a middle aged friend who is depressed. She wallows daily and engages in a tremendous amount of negative talk ( "life sucks, what else can I say, "some people can move on and some can't--etc..."). She refuses to go for therapy yet admits that she is depressed and needs to make some changes. But day after day, she repeats negative statments "same ****, different day" Also, she seems to be looking outside of herself ( "I dont like the pepole at work anymore, if only I could find someone, maybe I should change jobs, etc...) A little context. She's went through a very painful divorce 4 years ago. Soon afterwards, She fell in love with a male friend ( who supprted her through the divorce) yet who clearly doesnt want to be more than friends. For two years now, she talks about him and obsesses over him constantly and is unable to move past her love for him, which depresses her. He's righteous, controls her and she is addicted to him. Her friends and family can't see her moving forward with him in her life, yet thats clearly her choice (as she has listened to everyones advice and not taken it). I care about her and have provided a lot of support, yet I'm worn out from her negativity and desire to talk about a relationship that will never be. I feel badly saying this yet its hard to be around her. I am starting to wonder if happiness is a choice, of sorts? She's clearly stuck yet why not seek professional help? Any thoughts on this? ( also posted in friendship forum)
asilisa Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 I know it's mean to say but I can't stand people that are like this and I kinda feel sorry for them. I understand everyone makes bad decisions but to do it for two years? I mean he doesn't want a relationship with her...she should realize that she needs help getting over him and go see a doctor. Perhaps she likes being sad...I honestly don't know. I will admit that I have days or moments like this but I don't understand how someone could be negative all the time. Perhaps an intervention? IDK I'm not sure happiness is a choice but at some point you have to say enough and begin to get yourself back to "normal".
sderenzi Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Happiness is not a choice, it comes from events that occur in life. This means it's beyond your control, unless of course you can influence those events in ways that create happiness. I however cannot. Also this female sounds like my type of girl, hook me up with her will ya lol
Trialbyfire Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Happiness is all about personal choice. If you're a stuck in the moment person, you will always be trapped by your own fears and lack of self-worth. The best way to shed unhappiness in your life, is to look to yourself and admit who you are. Once you've done this, look to yourself to see what you want to change and then change them, a little at a time. When you've completed the changes, take another emotional litmus test and decide if your life is still testing acidic. If so, it's time to make the external changes by shedding that which makes you unhappy.
carrotgirl Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 To be fair, for people suffering from mental illness, there is not always a choice to be had. It's often difficult for me to remember not to judge by my own standards (but really, how else do we judge and sometimes, yah, we have to have use some judgment to govern ourselves) but some people don't have the luxury of having enough functional, sane self to choose any way to be let alone happiness. I don't know if your friend is depressed or what but if she's not a threat to herself or others, I don't know what you can do other than take it or leave it as you see fit on any given day. Maybe you could take a step back from her for a while and be her friend from a distance? Or maybe you could try engaging with her differently? Do activities together that require less talking for a while? Spend time with her at a movie? Good luck and thanks for being such a good friend to your friend. I'm sure I've been that negative person plenty of times so I'm thankful for the friends that stick. Even when they are annoying as well. Carrot
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