confused39 Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 BF cheated on me about 8 months ago, with his ex-wife. We've tried to work it out. He brings lots of good things to my life. Unfortunately, now, a trusting relationship isn't one of them. A couple months ago, the ex-wife made more allegations that they were still seeing each other, and that it had most recently happened on a Friday afternoon. Well, today is Friday, and he was out of contact with me for almost 2 hours. You know where my mind went. He called me, after almost 2 hours of my requesting that he do so, and it dawned on me that he shows absolutely NO sensitivity to what I'm going through, what he's done to me and us. He asked why I was "jumping" on him, that he just doesn't "think like that, didn't realize it was Friday afternoon and what that meant." I even thought I heard another person sneeze in the background....sigh. Paranoria. It drives me crazy, I feel like I'm becoming paranoid and absolutely loathe the person I'm becoming. So why am I doing this to myself? Yes, I love having a bf. Yes, I love HIM, when the non-trust issue isn't an issue. Yes, I love knowing I have a partner to share things with. But are those things worth the paranoria and anxiety? I don't like myself much right now for choosing to stay with him. But I don't know that I'm really ready to end it, either. I've tried a couple times since the cheating, to end it, and felt like we could fix it, and that it was worth it. Any opinions?
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Is it paranoia though? Because he has cheated previously and he is "unavailable" sometimes. You're right, he isn't showing you any sensitivity and he isn't trying to build up trust very well. It can't be easy with ex-w adding her allegations, but if I was in your shoes, my mind would be all over because he HAS cheated with her before - so why not do it again? I guess I would probably do some underground sneaking about to try and justify his actions without giving him the extra-work of being careful and counteracting your suspicions, but that's just me
Lyssa Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 I don't like myself much right now for choosing to stay with him. But I don't know that I'm really ready to end it, either. I've tried a couple times since the cheating, to end it, and felt like we could fix it, and that it was worth it. He cheated once 8 months ago and now, most probably he is cheating again? The fact that he isn't showing you any sensitivity is quite alarming. You don't like yourself much right now... I don't think you will like yourself very much until you have all this figured out. How is it that his xW made those allegations? Called you about it?
honda12345 Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Do you want to live a life worrying? If he cheated with his ex-wife twice, why not break up with him and let them get back together. They deserve each other. You deserve better. And don't stay with someone for the sake of comfort and being polite.
Author confused39 Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 We had a long talk about it Friday night. He apologized for not being more sensitive to my needs, insecurites, fears, etc. He said that on Friday afternoon when I got upset because he was out of contact, that I hit him with it blindsided, because he thought everything was ok. The exW made the most recent allegations online, through IM. No, I don't want to live a life of worry. But I just keep hoping that someday, it will all be a memory. And I do think it's getting better...I don't wonder about him every hour of every day. We spent all weekend together and it was good. I suppose that I feel that since I DID give him another chance, that I need to see it all the way through to the end, regardless of what that ending is. Whether it be me realizing that I do deserve better, or whether that ending be that our relationship stands the trials and we survive. I sometimes wish that I was the kind of person that would have told him to go screw himself when this happened, and had walked away for good.
Author confused39 Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 We had a long talk about it Friday night. He apologized for not being more sensitive to my needs, insecurites, fears, etc. He said that on Friday afternoon when I got upset because he was out of contact, that I hit him with it blindsided, because he thought everything was ok. The exW made the most recent allegations online, through IM. No, I don't want to live a life of worry. But I just keep hoping that someday, it will all be a memory. And I do think it's getting better...I don't wonder about him every hour of every day. We spent all weekend together and it was good. I suppose that I feel that since I DID give him another chance, that I need to see it all the way through to the end, regardless of what that ending is. Whether it be me realizing that I do deserve better, or whether that ending be that our relationship stands the trials and we survive. I sometimes wish that I was the kind of person that would have told him to go screw himself when this happened, and had walked away for good.
whichwayisup Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Can I ask? Did you two get together while he was still married? If so, you're going to have trust issues for a long time due to him cheating on his wife with you. (that is, if you two were having an affair and he left his wife to be with you.)
Author confused39 Posted November 19, 2007 Author Posted November 19, 2007 Nope, we both were divorced when we met. Some days I think it really is going to work out, other days I just want out. So I'm just trying to take it a day at a time, focus on the positives, and keep my eyes open. Just really tired of that feeling that any day now, the other shoe is going to drop.
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