sunflower37 Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 HI everyone, I wasn't sure quite how to title this thread yet I have a middle aged friend who is depressed. She wallows daily and engages in a tremendous amount of negative talk ( "life sucks, what else can I say, "some people can move on and some can't--etc..."). She refuses to go for therapy yet admits that she is depressed and needs to make some changes. But day after day, she repeats negative statments "same ****, different day" Also, she seems to be looking outside of herself ( "I dont like the pepole at work anymore, if only I could find someone, maybe I should change jobs, etc...) A little context. She's went through a very painful divorce 4 years ago. Soon afterwards, She fell in love with a male friend ( who supprted her through the divorce) yet who clearly doesnt want to be more than friends. For two years now, she talks about him and obsesses over him constantly and is unable to move past her love for him, which depresses her. He's righteous, controls her and she is addicted to him. Her friends and family can't see her moving forward with him in her life, yet thats clearly her choice (as she has listened to everyones advice and not taken it). I care about her and have provided a lot of support, yet I'm worn out from her negativity and desire to talk about a relationship that will never be. I feel badly saying this yet its hard to be around her. I am starting to wonder if happiness is a choice, of sorts? She's clearly stuck yet why not seek professional help? Any thoughts on this?
pixiegurliechick Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 If your friend is clinically depressed then she won't simply be able to choose to be happy. As someone who has been there I can tell you it's important you stick by your friend and help her through this tough time. A person can't change unless they're willing to change, so you can't force her into therapy, otherwise it will be useless. The best advice I can give you is to just be there for her regardless of how tiresome it becomes.
birdie Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I don't know how long your friend had been married but getting over a divorce can take years, especially after a long marriage. she is probably still recovering from that and having this 'friend' around (he doesn't really sound like a real friend) makes it worse. she has probably hit rock bottom and cannot see a way out at the moment. I am not sure how you get someone to see professional help but I suggest you remain patient with her if you can and try keep suggesting it. I think your friend needs time, she has been dealt a really rough hand.
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