Bet you've never had a date like this

[spookie]

I don't know if it's cause I work at a strip club for fifty hours a week or what, but lately I've been utterly repulsed by the very idea of any kind of intimacy with anyone.

 

Nevertheless, several days ago, on my night off, I decided to venture out on a date.

 

I met this guy at a party several weeks back. He was cute, seemed normal, and was so persistent with his phone calls in the days following our encounter that I would have felt bad just blowing him off.

 

Anyway I live in Austin. He lives in San Antonio - about an hour and a half away. Since it was my only night off that week and the weather was just right, I wanted to go camping later on. There's a piece of land near SA that's special to me that I wanted to camp out at, so I figured I'd drive out to see him, we'd hang out, and then I'd be on my way to the land.

 

About 10 miles away from where he told me he lived, I gave him a call to double-check the address. He said he was at his friend's house trying to score some weed, but could I meet him at the Best Buy off the highway?

 

That seemed like a red flag, but I'd been driving for so long that I thought what the hell, why not.

 

At Best Buy, he explained that since he is unemployed, he has no money whatsoever and must barter with the drug dealer friend to get the pot. He said he had a $20 Best Buy gift card with which he was going to her some DVDs.

 

I asked why he didn't get a student loan. He said he'd dropped out of college a year ago and had 75,000 in credit card debt and an awful credit score.

 

At the checkout counter, he asked to borrow $2 to pay for the DVDs.

 

Then we drove to his house - or should I say, his dad's. He took me to his room, which was a remodeled garage in the back of the house reeking of alcohol and cigarette smoke, and disgustingly dirty. There he pulled out his 3-foot bong and loaded a bowl.

 

Of course at this point I knew he wasn't the love of my life, but it was still too early to go camping and he didn't seem *dangerous*, so I thought I'd stick around.

 

He started talking to me about sex. About how he didn't want a relationship because he enjoyed one-night stands so much. He went into great detail about some recent one-night stands - about how some hot Colombian chick that his friend was dating took him to her room and masturbated with him one night.

 

At this point I was trying hard not to crack up at how much of a creep this guy was, but it got better.

 

He took me to his dad's office, got on the computer, and showed me some craigslist sex ad responses he'd gotten. From men. Regarding a posting for a one-night stand he'd made the night before. He told me he wasn't gay but wanted to be fvkced by a man just once.

 

Now I was ready to leave, but it was still too early and I was still high. I decided as long as I was here, I might as well try to score some weed for my camping trip.

 

He asked how much I wanted and told me he'd pick it up for me, but he'd have to charge a "finder's fee" - a pack of cigarettes. So, we walked to the store. I bought him his ciggies and a 6-pack of beer for myself.

 

I waited in his house while he picked up what I asked for.

 

I have a lot of experience with pot, and I know he does too. When he came back, I noted that the quality was not near what he'd promised, and there was about half of what I'd asked form. So, he ripped me off about 50%, and top it off, he claimed he forgot the beer AND the change at his friends.

 

I smiled, took what he gave me, and said I had to go. On my way out, I stopped by his room and stole his 3-foot bong.

[heatherd1201]

I would have left so much sooner than that!!! But way to go on scoring the bong! Was it a good one? Thats worth more than the beer, and weed.........

I give you props for sticking it out as long as you did!

[oppath]

You are the one responsible for putting yourself in this situation. Learn to recognize yellow flags earlier. From your stories, it seems like you have a pattern of getting involved with some, well, for lack of a better word, loser men who are irresponsible or don't treat you well. You are the common denominator here.

 

I imagine most women have not had a date like that one. Why? Most probably are more selective or good at filtering out idiots earlier. I know for a fact you are an intelligent, fun, beautiful, sexy young woman. If you want better experiences, however, you have some responsibility there.

[allina]

Classic

I just hope he doesn't know where to find you

 

It's actually a lot like a "date" I had once except the guy wasn't as sleazy just really ghetto, and I went out with him a second time, and a third...

[heatherd1201]

Classic

I just hope he doesn't know where to find you

 

It's actually a lot like a "date" I had once except the guy wasn't as sleazy just really ghetto, and I went out with him a second time, and a third...

 

 

I didnt even think about him knowing where to find you! That would be bad! Where did you meet him at?

 

So Allina- why did you go out with him a second...third....time??must have been something good going on!

[sderenzi]

I've never had a date at all, ever, ever... I never will either.

[allina]

I didnt even think about him knowing where to find you! That would be bad! Where did you meet him at?

 

So Allina- why did you go out with him a second...third....time??must have been something good going on!

 

I hope he doesn't know where she lives, you never want some creepy loser to know where you live, especially when you stole his bong. I hope you're ok when it comes to that spookie.

 

As for my going back for a second and third I don't want to hijack the thread but I was just out of a LTR and this guy was SOOOO SEXY!

[Cobra_X30]

Uhh... are you sure you've just been smoking pot?

[Dynamo]

I've never had a date at all, ever, ever... I never will either.

 

 

Why on earth do you think that? There is someone out there for all of us.

[Crestfallen_KH]

I've never understood why women go out with guys who persist so much. If you're going ok with a guy because he keeps calling and "you'd feel bad blowing him off," then you have an unhealthy need to please. And you're lucky that need to please didn't get you raped, hurt, or killed.

 

And if you knew you were going to want to bail soon why did you get high?!?

 

Anyway no, I haven't had a "date" like that. I'm not saying I haven't had some bad ones, but I never would have even gotten in the car for that guy.

[spookie]

You are the one responsible for putting yourself in this situation. Learn to recognize yellow flags earlier. From your stories, it seems like you have a pattern of getting involved with some, well, for lack of a better word, loser men who are irresponsible or don't treat you well. You are the common denominator here.

 

I imagine most women have not had a date like that one. Why? Most probably are more selective or good at filtering out idiots earlier. I know for a fact you are an intelligent, fun, beautiful, sexy young woman. If you want better experiences, however, you have some responsibility there.

 

You're right that I'm the common denominator here. I don't want to hijack my own thread, but recently I've realized why.

 

Because my #1 criteria for a partner is that he be my exbf and that's damn hard to do, and because I have no desire for physical or emotional intimacy with anyone since I am still in love with the ex and just now starting to learn to rely on myself for survival, I go out with people solely for entertainment. Since I need high levels of stimulation to be entertained, I tend to pick psychopaths.

 

Luckily, my job has been taking care of my need for shady entertainment, and I really have no desire to go out with anyone anymore, which is a good thing. This was my first date in several weeks, and I can't see myself doing that again anytime soon - I mean, if I want to get fvkced up and talk to losers, I can just go to work, where I'll also get paid.

 

 

Classic

I just hope he doesn't know where to find you

 

It's actually a lot like a "date" I had once except the guy wasn't as sleazy just really ghetto, and I went out with him a second time, and a third...

 

He doesn't know where to find me. All he knows is my first name and my number, which I am in the process of getting changed (gave it out to one too many creeps at the strip club one on my first night (was too drunk to think to give a fake) and it's been ringing nonstop ever since).

[spookie]

Double post.

[oppath]

Because my #1 criteria for a partner is that he be my exbf and that's damn hard to do, and because I have no desire for physical or emotional intimacy with anyone since I am still in love with the ex and just now starting to learn to rely on myself for survival, I go out with people solely for entertainment. Since I need high levels of stimulation to be entertained, I tend to pick psychopaths.

 

This was my first date in several weeks, and I can't see myself doing that again anytime soon - I mean, if I want to get fvkced up and talk to losers, I can just go to work, where I'll also get paid.

 

 

I understand with the ex. I often feel the same way. I try not to compare but I felt a connection I struggle to feel with others, and I don't know if that means it is not there, or if it means I'm just not looking for who they are as a whole person. It can take a lot of time to meet someone. Just don't put yourself in lame situations for entertainment.

 

As for not dating in several weeks...here's the deal...don't feel like you have to accept a date just because it's been a couple weeks. Nothing is wrong with going months without a date if your life is full. Again, just because someone is being persistent and asks you out and you haven't been on a date in a month...you do not have to say yes.

 

I remember one woman who no longer posts, she was like "this is my first date in over a month. Oh my god. It's been so long. What if I've forgotten how to date?" I tried telling her "a month is not a long time" and she was like "for me it is!!!" She wasn't that attractive either. Nothing is wrong with waiting until someone decent enters your life to accept a date. If that takes a couple months, so be it. When you find yourself wanting to date, that is when you make yourself more available, but even then, don't accept just for entertainment, accept because "this person seems interesting."

[shadowplay]

Aw, Spookie. You can do SOO much better it's not even funny. You have everything going for you except confidence. Once you realize that -- not just on an intellectual level, but deep down -- you won't be giving guys like this the time of day.

 

At least experiences like this are good for a laugh.

[shadowplay]

Oh, and he's totally gay or at least bi. No straight guy wants another guy to "f%ck him just once" (I've heard that line before). Ha.

[oppath]

Oh, and he's totally gay or at least bi. No straight guy wants another guy to "f%ck him just once." Ha.

 

Word. Not that there is anything wrong with that...well, there is. THe whole denial thing. Coming out is a difficult thing, but the way he acted about it was kind of psychotic and unhealthy.

[spookie]

Aw, Spookie. You can do SOO much better it's not even funny. You have everything going for you except confidence. Once you realize that, and not just on an intellectual level, but deep down, you won't be giving guys like this the time of day.

 

At least experiences like this are good for a laugh.

 

It's not even an issue of confidence, or meeting "decent" people for that matter either. I'm just not looking for anything right now except laughs, more than enough of which I now get at work. I'm too preoccupied with making money and enjoying my own company and that of my few close friends to want to let anyone in right now. And I've realized it's a waste of energy to let anyone in that's ok but not the one. So I'm holding out.

 

The decent guys I reject straight away because I don't want to mess with anyones heads. The creepy types I used to go out with when I felt like for ****s and giggles but at this point, honestly, I am done.

[spookie]

Oh, and he's totally gay or at least bi. No straight guy wants another guy to "f%ck him just once" (I've heard that line before). Ha.

 

Totally agree. And like oppath said, there's nothing wrong with that but I wish he'd come out instead of lying to himself and making such a mess of his life.

 

He swore me to secrecy before showing me the craigslist ad btw so I know he is at least somewhat ashamed. He also told me that he'd been molested several times as a kid by men, which complicates things a lot for him in his head I would imagine.

 

I feel really sorry for him but it isn't my job to be his shrink or even his friend. Especially since I know he tried to go out of his way to profit off my perceived naivete.

[JCD]

A nice guy wouldn't date anyone who smokes pot, imo. Dump the pot, get a respectable job, one you can be proud of, and then perhaps you'll meet a worthwhile guy.

[RecordProducer]

I met this guy at a party several weeks back. He was cute, seemed normal, and was so persistent with his phone calls in the days following our encounter that I would have felt bad just blowing him off.

Do you realize in what kind of danger you put your life? Do you watch TV and listen to the news? Mysterious murders happen all the time. They find the body months later and never find the murderer. You went out with a pot-head in another city where nobody knows you. You met this guy once, at a party, and you had no clue who he is or what kind of bugs he has in his head. You are god damn lucky your body didn't end up in the river or in the trash. Trouble won't look for you if you don't look for it.

[spookie]

A nice guy wouldn't date anyone who smokes pot, imo. Dump the pot, get a respectable job, one you can be proud of, and then perhaps you'll meet a worthwhile guy.

 

I don't care about finding a worthwhile guy right now.