I'm Donkey Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Need advice. Been married 9 years with 2 kids. I make good $ and she's been home maker. I give everything she wants and pay bills. I am affectionate, patient and never controling or rageful. I think she has come to take advantage of this. My counselors and friends call me donkey. Well things are getting out of hand and she has been ruining our finances and she won't give me the time of day when i ask for it. I have opened accounts for her and thrown money in there so she can buy things, no strings attached because she deserves it. Now the accounts are un managed and overdrawn. Ya whatever right. I sacrifice everything and lost friends for her. Yet she's always saying, "what do you want to do dear?" I respond, "What do you feel like doing sweetie?" Her response, "I want to be with my Hooby." Yet I sit there like a bump on a log while she does her own ****. I only get calls when there is a problem and if i express my frustration she gets mad and has excuses for everything. To top it off I feel like a dog, when i need something she just throws little treats at me to please me temporarily. I am not materialistic so if i leave i'm probably walking out with a back pack. She recently got a job answering phone for her brother's boss's company. Now she has more power and is planning all this crap which has no regard to our future. I have asked her to talk to me and make some joint agreement on us and she tells me off. Now her boss is attempting to co-sign on a truck for her, which i feel is wrong and weird. So now he's gonna get control too. WTF!!!! I am ready to blow up. Any advice for the donkey, or should i just shut up and go outside and knaw on some grass?
Geishawhelk Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 ....Sorry.... Tell me again, exactly, why you are putting up with this....?
LoisLane Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Can't believe how some women are so spoilt! Is she having an affair with her boss' boss?
Ocean-Blue Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Need advice. Been married 9 years with 2 kids. I make good $ and she's been home maker. I give everything she wants and pay bills. I am affectionate, patient and never controling or rageful. I think she has come to take advantage of this. My counselors and friends call me donkey. Well things are getting out of hand and she has been ruining our finances and she won't give me the time of day when i ask for it. I have opened accounts for her and thrown money in there so she can buy things, no strings attached because she deserves it. Now the accounts are un managed and overdrawn. Ya whatever right. I sacrifice everything and lost friends for her. Yet she's always saying, "what do you want to do dear?" I respond, "What do you feel like doing sweetie?" Her response, "I want to be with my Hooby." Yet I sit there like a bump on a log while she does her own ****. I only get calls when there is a problem and if i express my frustration she gets mad and has excuses for everything. To top it off I feel like a dog, when i need something she just throws little treats at me to please me temporarily. I am not materialistic so if i leave i'm probably walking out with a back pack. She recently got a job answering phone for her brother's boss's company. Now she has more power and is planning all this crap which has no regard to our future. I have asked her to talk to me and make some joint agreement on us and she tells me off. Now her boss is attempting to co-sign on a truck for her, which i feel is wrong and weird. So now he's gonna get control too. WTF!!!! I am ready to blow up. Any advice for the donkey, or should i just shut up and go outside and knaw on some grass? Maybe she needs to hear from an objective party that she's ruining a good thing? You may want to suggest a marriage counselor. You need to tell her that you are NOT happy with the way things are going. You deserve to be respected and treated with love...she isn't doing that. The more you keep these feelings within, the worse it'll be when your pot finally boils over. Do not let her run the marriage into the ground.
littlekitty Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 You need to take back some control in this relationship. Are you happy in your marriage apart from these gripes? Could you try marriage counselling? Using a 3rd party to help you discuss these issues in a neutral place may help. Why have you allowed her to take so much power that she's not listening to you when you talk to her about issues? How can you not have put your foot down about the truck? Are you too scared of losing her to challenge her, or does she really just not listen? What can you do to get her to listen to you?
Author I'm Donkey Posted November 17, 2007 Author Posted November 17, 2007 Honestly I needed to vent. These forums are nice, I can get a broad perspective. My mother raised me and she is the queen of all so I guess i implemented it in with my marriage. I really thought that was my job and it made me feel good to see my wife happy and pleased. You're right, I need to learn how to approach her and let her know how I feel and if she loves me like she says she does she will keep an open mind and we can work things out. I'm 100% sure she's not cheating because we are constantly fullfilling that department and she expresses how satisfied it is. Besides, everyone i know says I am very intimidating, I can handle many issues and problems and have great management skills, except for my marriage. Thanks again and I will keep this thread going.
jerbear Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Sounds like a matriach at home, patriarch outside. It also sounds like something is going on with your wife and the boss. It also seems like you two are drifting and she is holding on to you while she has her cake and eat it too. If counseling has not been effective or tried, I would suggest literally scheduling an appointment with her to serve her papers. Let see how that truck really "drives."
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