D-Lish Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 I have been having a long distance realtionship with a guy for a few months. We are pretty compatible- and I know he likes me as much as I like him.... although we are both proceeding slowly because of the distance. We have tried to go our seperate ways a few times because of the distance- but we keep coming back to one another. He is the kind of guy that has walls up... one of those "I've been burned and I'm terrified of falling for someone again". So we make some gains- he opens up, the pulls back.... I am the same way, so when he pulls back, I do the same. He'll be talking about kids and future one day... then go missing action the next. It's frustrating, but I know the drill- and I understand it. Last evening- we were having a great talk- then near the end of the conversation he started telling me a story about "this gorgeous brunette in a short skirt that gave him the eye and bent over to pick up something and flashed her butt at him" .... the story was stupid.... but the whole fact that he would mention another woman being "gorgeous" and go on and on about it really pissed me off. What would prompt a guy to say such a thing to someone he supposedly likes? I feel like the story was an intentional ploy to make me jealous. And if that's the case.... it's a mean thing to do. As if he was testing me, seeing how I would respond. I called him on it- and said I thought he was saying it on purpose to make me jealous and it wasn't working. So, of course now there is tension- and we haven't corresponded today- and we usually do text and chat throughout the day. Is it possible that such a comment is designed to push me away? I have plane tickets to go see him next Thursday for the weekend, and I am having second thoughts. I think the comment was super inappropriate. To tell me about another woman he thinks is gorgeous- when he has never actually referred to me as gorgeous...ever.... really stuck with me. Am I over reacting? I just can't decipher male behaviour sometimes. I couldn't imagine telling a guy I like about some gorgeous guy I saw and go on and on about it.... do men think differently? I guess I hate the most- how that comment affected me. I have been over analysing it all day and getting more and more angry. I am not the jealous type- and I don't want to become that type. I guess I am just asking if other women would be offended by this- and if men could help me understand why a guy would mention something like this. Dating sucks. ;-)Thanks D
Star Gazer Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 To tell me about another woman he thinks is gorgeous- when he has never actually referred to me as gorgeous...ever.... really stuck with me. Did you tell him that part?
jerbear Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 I think he was just being a guy and forgot about you being in the room. It does not seem he was tuned in. He is being a guy and he slipped up while you were around. I would tell him that comment hurt your feelings. Depending on what he says or does, go from there.
Author D-Lish Posted November 16, 2007 Author Posted November 16, 2007 I think he was just being a guy and forgot about you being in the room. It does not seem he was tuned in. He is being a guy and he slipped up while you were around. I would tell him that comment hurt your feelings. Depending on what he says or does, go from there. That is possible. I will tell him that it hurt. But I don't know how to tell him.
jerbear Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 That is possible. I will tell him that it hurt. But I don't know how to tell him. I would just tell him as he did it. The thing about keeping it in or forgive and forget; he would not know about it and continue to do it. If you tell him as he did it, he might think twice about it or tiptoe around the issue. Either way you told him that those comments hurt. You have to set your boundaries on certain things.
Author D-Lish Posted November 16, 2007 Author Posted November 16, 2007 you're right. I didn't address it at the time.... I just got cold and said I had to go. Then it escalated into a whole "who can ignore the other person the longest" thing. I just can't deal with the whole- push -pull....want you... I'm scared... sort of deal he plays with me. I do need to address things as they arise. Th hot cold thing is becoming a deal breaker for me. I truly appreciate your advice. Dee
JCD Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Was he flirting with you? If so, then I could kind of understand it. In that case he was probably trying to get your reaction as in making him laugh at what you would do to him if he went after her. But if you two were in a semi-serious mood, that would be a red flag.
Trialbyfire Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I didn't address it at the time.... I just got cold and said I had to go. Then it escalated into a whole "who can ignore the other person the longest" thing. Communicate. If he can't, he's probably unwilling. I just can't deal with the whole- push -pull....want you... I'm scared... sort of deal he plays with me. You shouldn't have to deal with it, if it's a mature relationship. I do need to address things as they arise.Absolutely. If he can't take some gentle criticism, he's not a very strong individual. Something tells me you need a strong man. Th hot cold thing is becoming a deal breaker for me. As it should be. Hot/cold spells uncertainty and insecurity.
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