Ok, if a guy stopped calling after you told him you needed to take a step back and

[Racquel Colette]

slow down (because it was getting too hot and heavy for you), and he was upset but said if that's the way it has to be, that's the way it has to be....then he hasn't called in 3 days....that means he really wasn't into me in the first place, right? Because if he was, that talk would not stop him, right? I just told him I needed time to sort things out since I have just moved and getting my bearings at my new job and being in a new state and all.

So...I should think 'he is just not that into me' right? Because if he was, he would have called anyway and not let my talk to him stop him from pursuing me?

[D-Lish]

slow down (because it was getting too hot and heavy for you), and he was upset but said if that's the way it has to be, that's the way it has to be....then he hasn't called in 3 days....that means he really wasn't into me in the first place, right? Because if he was, that talk would not stop him, right? I just told him I needed time to sort things out since I have just moved and getting my bearings at my new job and being in a new state and all.

So...I should think 'he is just not that into me' right? Because if he was, he would have called anyway and not let my talk to him stop him from pursuing me?

 

I don't believe that to be true at all.

Remember- men and women are different. When you say something- like "i need to slow down" he takes it literally. He is most likely thinking you are not interested.... that is what he is hearing.

 

His ego is probably bruised a bit- and he is respecting your wishes by pulling back.

 

Did you mean to pull out the take a break card to test how he feels?

Or do you really want to slow things down?

 

I think, that since you were the one to ask for a step back... that you will have to be the one to make contact again. He is probably hurt a bit, and isn't taking any chances making himself vulnerable by contacting you.

 

If he wasn't into you- he wouldn't have let things heat up between you.

I think he's just respecting your wishes... and probably waiting, like you are, for you to contact him.

 

Perhaps you should have another chat and clarify things.

Don't wait too long... if you like him- ket him know.... and let him know exactly what. I suspect he thinks you have broken up with him.

[LexiB]

slow down (because it was getting too hot and heavy for you), and he was upset but said if that's the way it has to be, that's the way it has to be....then he hasn't called in 3 days....that means he really wasn't into me in the first place, right? Because if he was, that talk would not stop him, right? I just told him I needed time to sort things out since I have just moved and getting my bearings at my new job and being in a new state and all.

So...I should think 'he is just not that into me' right? Because if he was, he would have called anyway and not let my talk to him stop him from pursuing me?

 

Not at all. If someone told you they wanted to slow down being w/ you, would you be eager to pursue this person or would you be afraid to initiate contact with them out of fear of looking desperate/like a stalker, etc?

 

You told him the relationship was "too hot and heavy" for you so he's (rightfully) waiting for you to set the pace. It's your move.

[jerbear]

So...I should think 'he is just not that into me' right? Because if he was, he would have called anyway and not let my talk to him stop him from pursuing me?

 

How long was the hot and heavy relationship?

 

Was the words "slow down" or "taking a step back"? As a guy that had those words said to me, I did slow down and even backed off to a point that I didn't call for 3 days, 2 weeks, or 1 month. After 1 month, I would just move on and forget about her.

 

Depending on the words "take a break," I would take it as a break and leave the woman alone and "wait" sometime, don't know how long, but wait. Usually within 2 weeks to 1 month of no contact, I just move on and forget about her.

 

For a guy who wants respect, he wouldn't call a woman after she told him to slow down, take a step back, take a break, etc... He wouldn't call and shouldn't call; if he did you would unconsciencously not respect him because he is easy.

 

If you like him and want to slow down; you would have to initiate contact and tell him you like him but the relationship is moving to fast for your liking. He might stick around or might not.

[Star Gazer]

I think since you're the one wanting to take a step back and slow down, you've taken the ball from him and are holding on to it. IMO, it would be up to you to come back to the game from a time-out, not his.

[squeak]

I have realized that men think very differently than women, and the wrong thing to do is say "this is what I would have done if so and so happened" .

 

In other words-he has no idea WTF is going on, and is probably waiting for you to call him, he is probably scared of you too, that that is a sign you are not into him.

[Geishawhelk]

slow down (because it was getting too hot and heavy for you), and he was upset but said if that's the way it has to be, that's the way it has to be....then he hasn't called in 3 days....that means he really wasn't into me in the first place, right? Because if he was, that talk would not stop him, right? I just told him I needed time to sort things out since I have just moved and getting my bearings at my new job and being in a new state and all.

So...I should think 'he is just not that into me' right? Because if he was, he would have called anyway and not let my talk to him stop him from pursuing me?

Here we are, the most evolved and arguably intelligent species on the planet, top of the food chain, men on the moon and we still don't know how to talk to each other...

 

First of all, you are sending out mixed messages. right...?

You wanted him to slow down (because it was getting too hot and heavy for you ) - Did you use those exact words by the way? - and now you're wondering why he's not chasing? Sheez! No wonder the guys's confused, right?

 

Sounds to me, from reading this, as if you enjoy being on a pedestal, and like the idea that you're desirable enough for him to ignore your request (It's only been 3 days??!) and you want him to intuitively guess when the right time would be to come on heavy again....

So, the world doesn't revolve around you, right? The guy has feelings too, right? and I'm thinking maybe - just maybe - it might be a really loving gesture if you made this less about you and more about him, and rang him -

 

 

Right?

[D-Lish]

well, call hin, yes.

I think you have set the tone and guidelines by saying you wanted space.

 

If we do the flip here.... and you were with someone and they said "whoa- hold on, slow down".... I would immediately go into missing in action mode.

he's protecting his heart.... and stepping back because u asked him to.

 

That's kinda cool and respectful actually.... but it does put the ball soley in your court. If you want to resume things.... you'll have to be the initiator.

 

I think it wil work out.

Just have that feeling.

D