michaelk Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 And in the New Testament it says that a woman should love & obey her husband as he loves and obeys God. When Mr. Messy Pants decided to disobey God there was no reason for me to obey him. Obey in the sense of making decisions for a couple instead of for myself. Yes, it is a sin to disobey God and as a wife I have sinned, but I did not sin against my husband or my flesh. I was not challenging your point of view, so you did not need to defend it. I simply pointed out that we pick and choose our beliefs, creating a world view to fit our needs.
michaelk Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 I am a work in progress, and I like the progress. A wonderful place to be!
michaelk Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 I stand corrected. I am a little jumpy today. No sleep. That'll do it!
LifesontheUp Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 Dear Mr Scrivdog, you are living in affairyland well and truly and fail to see anything other than what you have justified in your mind in order to have your affair. Nobody is perfect, not even you. You will have contributed to your wifes feelings of lack of intimacy towards you and subsequently the lack of sex. I wonder how you would feel if your wife were to meet someone who brought romance back into her life, made her feel like "the one", met her emotional needs and she became intimate with him. You THINK you are there for your kids now. But that can't possibly be the case. Whether you like it or not, the reality is that part of you is with the OW and not with your wife and kids. Like I said before, my mother had an OM for over 10 years. There were many times all 3 of her kids needed her but she wasn't around either mentally or physically. So please spare me the bs that you are there for when your kids need you. It isn't that simple and never works out like that in reality. So you haven't told your wife about the OW. How honest of you . So what happens when your wife finds out? You can't bank on it being when your kids are on the way to college and no longer dependent on you. Then again, you must have thought about this and don't care or otherwise you wouldn't have got involved in an extramarrital affair in the first place. You claim to love your kids yet you act so selfishly. Perhaps you'll realise when your wife finds out and your kids are crying themselves to sleep at night.......hmm, perhaps not as you'll likely still be telling yourself you deserved it cause your wife never gave you enough sex. How caring of you to make the kids pay for the mistakes of both you and your wife. You've probably still got a chance to fix this before it all blows up in your face. But you are so far into your affairyland that you won't see anything other than your way. Its all "ME ME ME" with you but you won't see that because you've justified in your mind that you are doing it to keep the family together. Shame you can't or won't see how twisted and dangerous that is.
torranceshipman Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 It's just a question of character: ScrivDog says he's OK with his kids hating him if they are in college by the time they find out he's been cheating on their mother. Fair enough - what the hell do you say to a person like that? They'll hate him and it'll probably throw them off from concentrating on their studies, having a cool time in college, and having mini heart attacks about seeing their father and not punching him out when they next see him and also worrying about their mom all the time! Plus it'll probably detrimentally affect their view of R's forever - not nice. The point is...if it isnt working try to fix it. ~Nobody is saying to ScrivDog that things are perfect in his M, but his reaction to the situation shows what kind of a person he is. If you cant fix it, get a D and try to make it as respectful as you can to both parties. Having an A behind your W's back is seen 100% as the cowards way out to anyone that values character, strength and integrity. If your kids find out they'll probably percieve you as a coward and a liar - man, that'd hurt anyone to know that's what your kids think of you. Great point that an earlier poster made: that probably 100% of married people get big temptations and opportunities to cheat at some time or another in their M, some have the strength of character to walk away (or at least get a D if they know things are that broken) - some don't, and sign up for a life of hotel rooms, sex in the lunch hour and God knows what else because the W 'isn't meeting his needs'. As I said before, comes down to character...some people just think they're entitled, so whatever damage is caused - tough, its OK because 'they deserve it'. Others aren't made that way and would rather eat their right arm than give into temptation, cheat, lie and hurt their family, no matter what problems they are facing in their life.
silktricks Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 I don't see what good that will accomplish. If I ever do see one - I'll definitely tell her. Why not be <somewhat> honest and say: "You apparently are no longer interested in having sex with me. I both want and need sex. Since you don't want it any more I'm sure you'll be OK with me getting it elsewhere, which is what I intend to do from now on." And see what the response is.
abeliever Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 Scrivdog, I think your questions and comments are valid points to make. However, I personally do not "think" I am better or anything of the sort. I simply just have integrity. That by definition is doing what is right even if no one is looking. It is a concept of you either are or are not a a person of their word. I Scrivdog, am a woman who says trust in me, lean on me, count on me. I was one of the ones who was let down and yes it CRUMBLED my whole world. And yes, I do question my "whole marriage" now! I will for the REST of my natural life. Let me sum up my situation and you can tell me where you think I went wrong. I cooked, cleaned (I asked of him only two things, take out trash and mow grass at our home) I was raised to make your H life and home his castle. So I did. I am the one who always accomodated my H when and if he ever asked for sex. He always turned me down! (I think I did once we talked about this, when I had the flu-sue me) I worked full time kept myself up. He had hobbies and I had mine. We did some hobbies together. I wasn't and still am not a jealous person. If a woman thought my H was handsome I would say thank you! I wanted to pursue Real Estate, took classes and passed state exam, worked many weekends and nights he pushed me, encouraged me (looking back now I know why) and I made a lot of extra money (we already owned our own co and did well financially). After a female surgery I gained 60 lbs from hormone replacement meds. I took myself off took kickboxing 4 days a week worked two jobs, kept up my duties and took care of him and my child. You know what I got in return, he cheated. Said I was never home and he had issues about my weight issue (by then I had off 40lbs of it). After finding out about his A my work outs stopped and my Real Estate came to a slow trickle. It did devastated me, sorry but I thought I was doing all the "right" things. I mean we was not by any form or shape the "ideal" couple. We argue but constuctively. It was normal for us. He met another married woman who was a stay at home mom with a young child under 5 yrs old child? I still don't understand it. I stayed we went to counseling and worked thru our issues (so I thought) but to only find out about another A one year later. This time a young single mother of two who was not motivated and needed some man to take care of them. As soon as I found out about this A I lost it! He immediately broke off all contact and ended it. Stupid me I stayed ( I can give you all the reasons looking back none of them made any sense other than I just loved him thought he would see what he had and would stop-that never happened). Now, I have filed for a divorce and last OW is pregnant, he broke off contact before I really found out all the details but by the time I did get most of it I was done! Now he thru C and his own revelation, he is really sorry (so he says) now I could really care less. He could fall over dead in front of me and I really think I would feel nothing. How sad is that? Now don't get me wrong there is a lot more details that I will spare you. The bottom line is this. I was happy not over the moon, but I thought ok we hit a rough patch and things will come around. Not all M stay strong all the time. So I gave him space did not nag or smother him, just loved him. I was betrayed over and over and for what???? When you find out let me know? Then maybe I can come to terms with what really ended our M. He is desperate to save it, I can't and not willing to try to love a person who has no RESPECT for his W. If he doesn't respect me, then who will??? (other than myself) I hope this brings you a different way of thinking. abeliever
Virgo1982 Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 Well there you have it folks - it's a sin to cheat but it's ok for a spouse to deny the other intimacy and sex. God even said so. What was I thinking? Actually no. The main purpose of marriage is pleasure/procreation-both individuals share responsibility. Also, the Bible states that marriage serves as protection from being promiscuous. Regardless of what God says, I can't see myself refusing to have sex with my husband and being shocked that he had an affair. However, many wives withhold sex if they want the man to do something that he won't do or if he won't stop doing something she'd like him to stop doing. At the end of the day, it all boils down to one simple truth: IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE TO MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK!!!
cj1988 Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 Scrivdog, what would you do if your wife came to you and apologized for all her short comings and wanted to make it work? Are you to far gone with this OW or would you dump her instantly and try to work it out? Do you sleep with your wife at all? Are you still attracted to her?
Recommended Posts