ladykatie Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 If your significant other hung out with someone else a few times and lied about it, (because the other person excited them and they were flirting with them) but swears that nothing physical happened is this still cheating? If you think you caught on to the inappropriate relationship "just in time" before anything physical happened, do you think you can still work things out?
MattyTee Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Hey Katie, 'Emotional cheating' can be just as hurtful as the physical (in my opinion). Really, it doesn't matter what definitions are used or what people say to your question there - it's how you feel about it that counts. If your significant other had physically cheated, would you leave them? If so, do you think that the only reason it didn't get physical is because you 'caught' it early enough? Those are just things to think about because they bring up the issue of trust (you should be able to trust someone not to cheat of their own accord). People give lots of reasons for cheating but in my opinion it comes down to selfish behaviour without regard for other people's feelings. Whether this can be worked through would probably cause a heated debate - I'm sure there are people on both sides who would argue very well. Really, it doesn't matter what anyone says. Do you feel you can rebuild trust and communicate with each other? If so, then things can still work out. If the trust is gone and the other person is not willing to communicate openly, then it is unlikely to work. Sorry if that isn't much help
Davey McG Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 It seems as if the intention to cheat was there. You caught her and stopped it from happening. If you carry on going out with this girl, you're going to have to catch and stop her each and every time someone else excites her. Do you want to have to worry about that sort of thing?
bish Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 If your significant other hung out with someone else a few times and lied about it, (because the other person excited them and they were flirting with them) but swears that nothing physical happened is this still cheating? If you think you caught on to the inappropriate relationship "just in time" before anything physical happened, do you think you can still work things out? If a SO of mine told me that she was with somenoe and nothing happened, but almost did or could have.....out the door she would go without a 2nd thought about it.
tanbark813 Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Whether or not you want to call it "cheating" is subjective and irrelevant. The fact that nothing happened is irrelevant also. The important part is that they lied which means that not only was the interaction innocent, but that person is untrustworthy. At that point it's up to you whether or not you want to be with an untrustworthy person.
ImaManDammit Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 This is exactly how my last relationship ended. I suspected that she had met someone new and exciting in her life, and that she was spending long hours in the evening chatting with him. It was an LDR relationship I had with her to boot. Well I told her I thought something was going on, and flat out put my heart on my sleeve and asked her to come clean if anything was going on and I would forgive her. She said she loved me and would never do anything like that to hurt me. But a short time past and I wasn't convinced, so I took the steps necessary to make sure I was either right or wrong. In fact I was right, they were proposition each other on e-mail and on MSN. She told me it was all a joke and there wasn't anything serious and that now that she knew that I found that unacceptable she wouldn't do it again. (are you serious?). Well against better judgement I believed her and worked on getting back on track. The months that followed she totld me she was running errands and instead found receipts to bars/restaurants etc. I called her on it and her telling me it was with a girlfriend etc. If it was so innocent then why lie about it. So it was 6 months of hell until I had enough and bailed. All the time her proclaiming her innocence. My feeling is that if someone who says they love you does that to you, you need to get out before you become bitter and cynical and take that mistrust into your next relationship. Hope this helps.
serendip Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 My ex did the same thing too. She decided to move to a different town for a job....while visiting the town...she met a guy and hung out(I found out later ...turns out she spent the night with the guy...no sex). They emailed and called for 3 months straight(she even said she loved him in one of her emails). I found all this out when I grew suspicious and check her email(she gave me password a long time ago). It killed me....but I forgave her...and thought we could work it out. Then she went behind my back and went out with the guy. Emotional cheating was the worse...it feels like she abandoned the relationship. Walk away...I wish I did. Here's a definition: "An emotional affair is when a person not only invests more of their emotional energy outside their relationship, but also receives emotional support and companionship from the new relationship. In an emotional affair, a person feels closer to the other party and may experience increasing sexual tension. If you believe that a person's emotional energy is limited, then if your partner is sharing intimate thoughts and feelings with someone else, an emotional affair has developed. Although cheaters are often guilt-free in an emotional affair because there is no sex involved, their partners often view an emotional affair as damaging as a sexual affair. Some people find this to be worse than a sexual affair. It makes them feel like you'll fall in love with someone else when they are supposed to be the only one for you. Much of the pain and hurt from an emotional affair is due to the deception, lies, and feelings of being betrayed. It's emotional cheating if you: Discuss your partner and relationships with your "friend." You share your fears, hopes, and dreams (this is emotional intimacy).Meet your "friend" for dinner or lunch without telling your partner.Hide or are secretive about your life, relationships, and activities.Keep your partner waiting while you spend time with your "friend."Stay in regular, intimate contact with ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends.
Feigned Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 My question is this, is having a crush on someone considered cheating? My ex-bf thinks so because this is the reason why he dumped me. He also said that I may not have betrayed him in body, but in mind I did. What do you guys think? But on hindsight and with a little bit more clarity I knew his foot is one step at the door for a while, he was probably just waiting for something like this to come along so he can be satisfied in his decision to finally break it off with me. The lengths some dumpers have to go through just to load themselves off the guilt. Tsk, tsk...
Lizzie60 Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 If your significant other hung out with someone else a few times and lied about it, (because the other person excited them and they were flirting with them) but swears that nothing physical happened is this still cheating? If you think you caught on to the inappropriate relationship "just in time" before anything physical happened, do you think you can still work things out? And you believe him? My bet is that they already were in the A up to their... so my answer is.. yes.. he's cheating.
oppath Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Feigned, no, a crush is not necessarily emotional cheating. Please start your own thread with more detail. To the original poster: everyone has a different definition of what defines cheating. What matters is what is cheating to you, or more properly...did her behavior destroy the fidelity of the relationship. That is what it is about...the fidelity of the relationship. Trust requires the person earning your trust by being truthful about their actions and making their life transparent to you. For someone to lie, directly or by omission, they are weakening the fidelity of the relationship. If someone puts themself in a compromising situation, they are weakening the fidelity of the relationship. If you are in a relationship and make a new friend of the opposite sex, (1) that new friend should know you are in a relationship and (2) your bf/gf should meet them right away (this excludes coworker friendships, though number 1 still applies). It is all about making your partner VISIBLE. For someone to lie and behave untrustworthy, it makes you feel invisible and small, unimportant. Whether or not sex was a viable possibility does not matter. What matters is that your SO didn't make you visible and they were deceitful. There is no reason not to be fully honest...unless you know your behavior is wrong but want to continue.
Recommended Posts