Stuckertks09 Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Has anybody been strung along for a couple months after an initial "break"? My ex-girlfriend, now I suppose, has been saying she loves me and wants to be with me because she can't trust me (I didn't cheat on her or anything and she is basing the trust issue on the fact that I told her I stopped smoking and slipped up a couple times). We spent two and half years together, and she lived at my house for about all last year to this coming September. Since she decided she wanted to spend more time with her friends (the "break"), she's kissed two other guys. The first time she apologized a million times, said it would never happen again, and I was the one for her. Only after I forgave her, she said she still didn't trust me and couldn't be with me, but she still loves me and wants me in her future. Then a couple days ago I found out she kissed another guy who she sees a lot now, and I know it's time to call it quits. I basically just told her that I can't see her anymore or talk to her at all. NC as everybody calls it. My questions are.... What causes people to string their former partners along if they don't want to be with them?? How can a girl who I've shared at least the past 6 months with everyday of my life just totally f me over? I just feel used and like a piece of ****. I know this one's probably been asked before... but how do I go about doing NC? I feel like I don't have the will power to do it and I just want to fall back right into her games again. She is in one of my classes and it's just so hard knowing that it's over:( Thanks for all your help I really appreciate it.
michael d Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 hey there. hang in there, man. you are doing the right thing. who she doesn't trust is herself it seems. she has strayed, not you. also, seems like you guys are young. you never know what is going to happen in the future and the last thing you want is to cage this bird at this time in her life because she is obviously looking around. she knows she has you and cares for you. let her fly my man, and you do the same. one day if it is right, you will both be drawn back to each other. focus on yourself and the wonders of the future will unfold. have faith and keep it moving forward. mike d
Trialbyfire Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Slipping up on stopping smoking is not a trust or respect issue. It's an excuse for her to reap some proverbial wild oats... I'm guessing she wasn't ready to commit to you so she found an excuse to force a breakup. Sometimes people are so weak... Do yourself a favour and keep to NC. Try not to think about her and work on your emotional well-being and working out to blow off some excess anger. You are strong. Don't let her hook you back until she's ready to come back on acceptable terms that the two of you negotiate.
deadmansfloat Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 hey brother - believe me, i have been where you are! i was strung along for 2 months while, unknown to me, my EX was properly dating some one else. i got the whole "let's put this on hold," "i need space," "i just wanna have fun with my friends" bullocks as well. this is only my opinion, but - as TrialbyFire says, smoking is no reason to break up or quit trusting someone! it's really hard for you to see it now, but all of her excuses will seem absurd in time to come - when you are able to things with a clearer head. would you even consider throwing out 2. years over catching your love smoke? twice? cut the cord bro! i WISH i didnt let myself be strung along. i wouldve had 2 more months of healing under my belt as we speak' i lived life like a zombie for 2 slow months when i couldve been collecting my bearings and getting stronger! the ONLY thing you can do is NC for a while and let her see if the grass is greener on the other side. and if she decides the grass isn't greener, then you have to decide if you'll take her back.
SandyRose Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Hey, i'm in a similar situation, except i'm the female..and he broke up with me. He too pretty much strung me along telling me he still wanted to be friends with me. You need to do as suggested in this thread already, by other posters. Maintain strict NC. I requested it from my ex...because i was just so sick and tired of sitting on hope, thinking he might change his mind...or that things might get better, and i did that for 6 long horrible months!! You know why it won't get better if you're just friends? Because the dumper assumes you're okay with it..and they think, "Oh it's cool, that wasn't so bad, they're fine with it, and still want to be friends with me!". It removes the guilt they have over breaking up with you. Secondly...it also confirms that the door is still WIDE open to you. People want what they can't have. Don't make yourself so available to her...back off...get on with your life..and don't give her the time of day. That's when they will re-evaluate the whole situation..and will start missing you the way they SHOULD miss you..and MIGHT contact you with genuine feelings...and i say, MIGHT!! Don't expect it. Hopefully by then, you should be very stable enough to say NO, or make a good decision which you feel works for you. You see..right now, she has the power over you. You need to get that power back for yourself. Don't let her pull the leash on you....get free of the damn leash, and become yourself!! It doesn't feel good being lead on right?? It's a nasty feeling..and it makes your whole day feel like crap too. I've maintained NC for 20 days...and IIII was the one that asked for it..because a friendship was NOT working for me. HE was the one who BROKE NC with me on the 12th day by making small talk with me, asking me how i am, and what's new, etc...and Heck, IT FEELS GREAT!!! I did respond to his IMs, and was being nice, but to the point. Since that day..he hasn't contacted me again. And honestly..that's good news for me..because it slapped him in the face!!! The power is back into my hands...and i'm a lot happier knowing that i can move freely and live freely without having thoughts of him pulling that freakin leash on my neck!! Her reason that you smoke is not a legit enough excuse to break up a relationship. She's using it as an excuse to keep things ended between you guys. Maintain NC...give her a reason to miss you for the right reasons...she will come back, once she's done enough "running around" and "clearing her head" as they call it..and that's when you call the shots!
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