Star Gazer Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I know it's been asked previously, but it never really applied to me before. So, I'm wondering how often everyone sees their SO? Please tell me how often, and how long you've been together. Also, what do you usually do when you're together? Do you plan date nights, or is it more hanging out, or what? Which is more important to you - quality, or quantity? (Not talking about sex here, just time together! ) Also, how do you deal with the holidays? Not all of us share holidays with our SO and our SO's family, but holiday schedules can interrupt with couple-time. How do you deal with that? Myself, I'm feeling very disappointed that I don't get to see my BF for over a week due to Thanksgiving... Is that normal? Or am I too smitten?
Art_Critic Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Why won't you see him ?.. Can you not go with him or him to yours ? I have always been the type of guy that doesn't play those role games with holidays and family.. My SO's have always met my family quickly.. if not on the first date even.. at least within the first few weeks... and I have always taken whoever I was dating at the time to holiday functions with my family..
Author Star Gazer Posted November 15, 2007 Author Posted November 15, 2007 Why won't you see him ?.. Can you not go with him or him to yours ? I have always been the type of guy that doesn't play those role games with holidays and family.. My SO's have always met my family quickly.. if not on the first date even.. at least within the first few weeks... and I have always taken whoever I was dating at the time to holiday functions with my family.. I can't see him until after Thanksgiving because of his work schedule (and mine...he works nights on the nights he's on patrol, and I work during the day) and our respective family plans for the holiday. His family is in Idaho. My family is in California. I'm not sure that we have been dating long enough to go to one or the other's home and not our own family's for Thanksgiving. Now I feel bad. Maybe he should have invited me...? But I didn't invite him...
Art_Critic Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Now I feel bad. Maybe he should have invited me...? But I didn't invite him... Don't feel bad SG...There isn't anything to be read into spending time apart on the holidays either this early in the relationship. Is he going to Idaho ?.. You could invite him to yours and see if he will go.. I don't know.. but don't be upset.. just enjoy the holidays and make sure to talk with on on Turkey Day before the Game
Author Star Gazer Posted November 15, 2007 Author Posted November 15, 2007 Don't feel bad SG...There isn't anything to be read into spending time apart on the holidays either this early in the relationship. Is he going to Idaho ?.. You could invite him to yours and see if he will go.. I don't know.. but don't be upset.. just enjoy the holidays and make sure to talk with on on Turkey Day before the Game His family is actually coming in from Idaho (and Alaska and other places) to go to a small town in NE California about 3 hours from where we live (without snow) where other part of his family is. I didn't expect to be invited there at all. But his mom will be in town before they drive up to the small town, and I'm kinda disappointed that he didn't invite me to at least meet her or something when she's here.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 His family is actually coming in from Idaho (and Alaska and other places) to go to a small town in NE California about 3 hours from where we live (without snow) where other part of his family is. I didn't expect to be invited there at all. But his mom will be in town before they drive up to the small town, and I'm kinda disappointed that he didn't invite me to at least meet her or something when she's here. It's not the apart time that kills! Its the contact. LOL... he might be embarrassed by his family! You dont know how it is when all your relatives are bumkins from Idaho! So no worries about meeting his mom! Make sure that since your apart you BOTH make an effort to play phone tag, or text or something!
Author Star Gazer Posted November 15, 2007 Author Posted November 15, 2007 Cobra - I assure you he's not embarrassed by his family. He loves them all to death. His family is his world. I guess I'm just feeling a little left out of his world.
shadowplay Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I only see my bf on the weekends since he lives in another state. We usually spend the whole weekend together. We've been together for 4 and a half months but still go on "dates." This is a typical weekend for us: Friday night he'll pick me up at my house, we'll drive into the city and go to a restaurant for dinner. Then we'll go to a movie or to a jazz club to see live music. Afterwards we'll meet a few of his friends at a bar or stop by a party that he's heard about. Then we'll go back to his place and curl up with a classic movie (we're both movie buffs). Saturday morning cuddle in bed for a few hours (my favorite). Then we'll go out to lunch, then go to a bookstore or museum or sometimes canooing on the river behind his place (when the weather permits). Saturday night we'll go out to dinner, then hang out with one of our friends, explore the city, go to a bar, then a repeat of Friday night. We usually spend most of Sunday and sometimes Sunday night together. We spend a lot of our time lying in bed just cuddling. Sigh. I think quantity is more important than quality. No matter what we're doing I enjoy just being in his presence. That said, I think it's great that we still go on planned dates because most couples settle into a comfortable routine that can be so boring. I miss him.
LaChatteNoire Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 SG, to answer your many questions... =) I only see my SO on the weekends... we call it our "Weekend Extravaganza", hehe. I work 8-5 all week and his schedule is more 2p-3a, so the weekend is when we're not so tired. We used to see eachother everyday, but that was when I had part-time jobs. We have a routine most of the time when we hang out.. on Friday night we'll rent a movie and eat Poprocks... Saturday we'll spend playing various games on the ol' Xbox 360.. and Sunday we'll just cuddle and maybe go to the market and try some different foods. We do have date nights occasionally, but not too often. I value quality! As for holidays, I'll have two Thanksgivings... I'll go to my mom's and have deliciousness with my family for lunch and then I'll go to my SO's house and have thanksgiving with his family for dinner. I'm not sure what we're doing for Christmas, I won't know really until the week before... Don't feel bad for being away from him for a week! When you see him after that long week, you'll hug him and be extremely excited to see him again! As for the meeting his mom thing, everyone has different points in time where they want to "meet the parents". How long have you two been together? I met my SO's parents a long time ago, before we dated, so I'm not sure how long different people like to take until being introduced to the SO's family.
LaChatteNoire Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 oh, we've been together for a year and a half, btw.
shadowplay Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I met my bf's parents about a month and a half in I think, but he didn't meet my mother until like three months in.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Well, you know I only see my bf on the weekends during the school year because i'm an hour 1/2 away. You already know that though. It's not nearly enough time, I can't wait until I can see him everyday. As far as the holidays go, it is kind of confusing because his family lives 5 hours away from him, and mine lives about 5-10 minutes from him. Last year around this time I wasn't invited to go home for thanksgiving with him or christmas because we had only been together a few months. This year I am going home with him for thanksgiving, however it's a little disapointing because its my first thanksgiving away from my parents. We are going to go have dinner with them when we come back though so that's our compromise. As far as Christmas goes, the weekend before christmas we are going to spend the weekend in his hometown and then come back and see my family for christmas day. Believe me stargazer, i missed him like CRAZY last year, I probably posted some kind of thread freaking out about the situation! I wouldn't worry about meeting his family or anythign, maybe he's old fashioned and thinks it's too soon? That's what my bf thought last year. Give him a chance to miss you over the holidays, you'll have an AWESOME time reuniting, believe me!
Cobra_X30 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Cobra - I assure you he's not embarrassed by his family. He loves them all to death. His family is his world. I guess I'm just feeling a little left out of his world. Watch the movie Junebug someday! Just focus on trying to connect at some point, even though your seperated by distance, you dont have to be seperated in your hearts!
Author Star Gazer Posted November 15, 2007 Author Posted November 15, 2007 Just focus on trying to connect at some point, even though your seperated by distance, you dont have to be seperated in your hearts! You are SO cheesy!
oppath Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I don't think my family should be meeting my gf until I'm thinking "marraige material." I guess I'm old fashioned about that. I'd be more comfortable around the 4-6 month mark, if the situation allowed for it to happen easily, meaning if my parents were in town, yes, you could meet, but I'm not sure I'd be asking you to fly back to Michigan to meet them so soon. This is a tough one. There is a balance between wanting to feel like the relationship is progressing and that you are a priority, but also not moving things too fast. For me, I want quality time one day a week, and 1-2 other times for shorter visits, maybe only an hour. With holidays? Family comes first since my family is in Michigan, and most of the girls I've dated have family living here in SoCal. There is no way around that and it will surely always lead to small conflicts, because if the girl wanted to come with me, that would mean leaving her parents behind. In general, I have no problem going 1.5 weeks without seeing my gf as long as we are eager to see each other when I come back! Quality time is very important, but what defines quality time? If we are both busy, sitting together studying at a coffee shop is still time. Sometimes just spending the night with each other, sleeping together (yes, with sex, but mostly just laying next to each other and the intimacy you share), is quality time. If people are busy, a relationship can still thrive, as long as you spend a few small moments together, and spend quality time together when you get the chance.
shadowplay Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 For me' date=' I want quality time one day a week, and 1-2 other times for shorter visits, maybe only an hour.[/b'] That's it?! You'd only want to spend one day a week together and then a couple of hours two other days? That doesn't seem like much to me if you're in a serious relationship. My ideal would be (if I were living close to my bf) a good chunk of time on the weekend and then a 2-3 days together during the week after work/school.
sb129 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Watch the movie Junebug someday! Just focus on trying to connect at some point, even though your seperated by distance, you dont have to be seperated in your hearts! That movie is good. Funny, but sad too. I spend a total of eight hours apart from Wonderboy when the two of us both go to our respective jobs. We used to be in a LDR and saw eachother most weekends. The times apart were tough! While I can understand why you are feeling the way you are about not meeting your mans mom, I don't think its unreasonable that you won't be meeting your guys family- it is early-ish days, he may not want to put the tow of you (you and his mom) on the spot, etc etc. I bet he has told his mom about you though.... and how great you are.
oppath Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 That's it?! You'd only want to spend one day a week together and then a couple of hours two other days? That doesn't seem like much to me if you're in a serious relationship. My ideal would be (if I were living close to my bf) a good chunk of time on the weekend and then a 2-3 days together during the week after work/school. I am not in a serious relationship. I do not have a gf. I am saying that if people are busy, you can have a serious relationship under those circumstances. In my last serious relationship, it was like that, we didn't see each other much, and maybe she lost interest because of it, though at the end, I was wanting to see her more. I am pretty sure that my distance caused her to reevaluate, though in all fairness, I was keeping my distance because she talked to her ex all the time but didn't want to tell him she had a boyfriend so his feelings wouldn't get hurt and she didn't tell some of her best friends about me for the same reason. I was unwilling to get more close under those circumstances, even though she told me she loved me and thought I was the guy she was going to marry and we dated 6 months. I wanted to see her more -- but she lived a 40 minute drive away -- and quite honestly, I could not get more close because she was not meeting my needs. I do believe that if I had been more close things would not have ended when/as they did, but I am not to blame. What I am saying is that I don't need more than that. If our schedules are such that we can't spend more time together, then small ways to spend time together is doable. And yes, early in a relationship, I want one good chunk of time on the weekend, and then only once or twice during the week for shorter periods. As we date longer and weeks turn into months, then I want more time, but it scares the **** out of me to spend hours at a time together right away.
Pyro Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I know it's been asked previously, but it never really applied to me before. So, I'm wondering how often everyone sees their SO? Please tell me how often, and how long you've been together. Also, what do you usually do when you're together? Do you plan date nights, or is it more hanging out, or what? Which is more important to you - quality, or quantity? (Not talking about sex here, just time together! ) Also, how do you deal with the holidays? Not all of us share holidays with our SO and our SO's family, but holiday schedules can interrupt with couple-time. How do you deal with that? Myself, I'm feeling very disappointed that I don't get to see my BF for over a week due to Thanksgiving... Is that normal? Or am I too smitten? We see each other a majority of the time in a week span, but lately its been cut back due to our schooling. We just passed the two-year mark and when we are together, its usually just relaxing around the house during the week. We'll watch a movie, tv, play a board or trivial game, do a puzzle, or even go on a walk or a jog. Weekends are when we hook up with the friends. Quality definitely. Whats the point of hanging out if its not fun? For Thanksgiving we are going to her familys place down in Pittsburgh and last year we ate at our own families place, so in terms of the holidays, it varies every year. The same goes for Christmas as well. Its normal to miss your SO, but you'll get through it. I mean do you have a choice?
allina Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I know it's been asked previously, but it never really applied to me before. So, I'm wondering how often everyone sees their SO? Please tell me how often, and how long you've been together. Also, what do you usually do when you're together? Do you plan date nights, or is it more hanging out, or what? Which is more important to you - quality, or quantity? (Not talking about sex here, just time together! ) Also, how do you deal with the holidays? Not all of us share holidays with our SO and our SO's family, but holiday schedules can interrupt with couple-time. How do you deal with that? Myself, I'm feeling very disappointed that I don't get to see my BF for over a week due to Thanksgiving... Is that normal? Or am I too smitten? Hi SG *waves* I have been with my bf for almost a year and a half, we've been living together for almost half of this time so we usually see each other everyday. During the week nights we don't do too much, we have dinner together either at home or go out then curl up on the couch and just hang out. On occasion we see a movie r go to a show during the week. On weekends it really varies, we really mix up the sorts of things we do. On weekends we take trips, go hiking, see my family, see my friends, see his friends, whatever we want. Usually we spend one evening/day apart each week. My SO's family lives in Connecticut and his younger brother lives in Boston so Holidays can be tricky. Last year his parents and brother came here for the Holidays and stayed almost two weeks. I saw them a few times during their stay but spent actual Christmas eve and Christmas day with my family. Since his family loves far away but were in town for New Years Eve we spent a large percentage on NYE with them, it was a great night My SO is going to the East Coast for Thanksgiving, his parents invited me and I thought I would go, unfortunately due to job issues I cannot go. I'm really really upset about it. My bf will spend Christmas and Thanksgiving on the East Coast and NYE here with me. I will spend Thanksgiving and Christmas in the Bay Area with my family. I'm sad about not spending the holidays with my bf but I understand that he lives across the country from his family so they wants to see him. I'm happy that although I can't come this year his parents extended the warmest invite to me. We're both really in to family. My bf knows my parents (very well), grandma and one cousin, he would know my entire family if they loved in the US. I know my bf's parents and brother well. Most of his family is in England or I would know more of them. I think since both of our extended families live outside of the country we put in a lot of effort in to maintaining good relationships with our parents and each others parents. I don't think you're too smitten, I think it's normal to want to celebrate holidays and special events together. Since my bf and I won't be together for the actual holidays we are going to make up for it by having a big early Thanksgiving dinner with friends and then going to donate food to food banks. Though we won't be together for Christmas we're going to pick out a tree together and dress it
oppath Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 [quote=allina;1408773 I don't think you're too smitten, I think it's normal to want to celebrate holidays and special events together. Since my bf and I won't be together for the actual holidays we are going to make up for it by having a big early Thanksgiving dinner with friends and then going to donate food to food banks. Though we won't be together for Christmas we're going to pick out a tree together and dress it This is great Allina! It sounds like you understand the trials of having family in different parts of the country. It will always be a choice: the gf and her family or my family. While it is natural to feel disappointed that you can't see your bf, it would be wrong to be upset about it, unless he was not interested in spending quality time before or after. For me, it is a no brainer. I'm gone to see my family. If you have a birthday the 23rd of December, well, I won't be there, because I'd like to spend a week with my family, not just 2-3 days, if I'm flying back to Detroit (possibly this will change when I'm not a grad student making < $20k a year and $200-300 difference in plane tickets is not a big deal). But that does not mean I would not make time before, and time after....quality time! I go out of my way for that. If I'm gone, you have my attention before and after I am away; you are my priority.
Author Star Gazer Posted November 15, 2007 Author Posted November 15, 2007 Allina, your post was of absolutely no help. Haha! J/K
allina Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 This is great Allina! It sounds like you understand the trials of having family in different parts of the country. It will always be a choice: the gf and her family or my family. While it is natural to feel disappointed that you can't see your bf, it would be wrong to be upset about it, unless he was not interested in spending quality time before or after. For me, it is a no brainer. I'm gone to see my family. If you have a birthday the 23rd of December, well, I won't be there, because I'd like to spend a week with my family, not just 2-3 days, if I'm flying back to Detroit (possibly this will change when I'm not a grad student making < $20k a year and $200-300 difference in plane tickets is not a big deal). But that does not mean I would not make time before, and time after....quality time! I go out of my way for that. If I'm gone, you have my attention before and after I am away; you are my priority. Thanks oppath. I think that my SO do well with balance and understanding, it keeps us happy I agree with your example. Allina, your post was of absolutely no help. Haha! J/K I answered all your questions woman!
Author Star Gazer Posted November 16, 2007 Author Posted November 16, 2007 I answered all your questions woman! I know! I'm glad you're back. Oh, woah is me... I couldn't go on without you! (((((((HUGZZ)))))))
allina Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 I know! I'm glad you're back. Oh, woah is me... I couldn't go on without you! (((((((HUGZZ))))))) :lmao: Good thing I had other life lines or I would have really felt sorry for myself
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