lost ex now fear of losing best friend

[lexi29]

so my ex and I dated for 3 yrs and he left me for someone else. Left her after only 3 weeks and wants to get back together with me now. I'm trying to resist (slipped up and spent last weekend with him) but its so hard. Now I have something else that is also causing me to be angry and depressed and don't know what to do. I have a friend I'll call him Ben, he and I have been close friends for the last 14 yrs. We've been thru a lot. A year after we met his best friend (and my ex) was killed in a car accident. So we went thru the pain of that together.

 

 

We dated my jr. year of high school for 5 months. We went to the prom together. We never slept together. I was the one who broke it off with him because I wanted to spend time with friends. Ever since then we've been best friends. Almost like brother and sister. I see him as one of my female friends almost- we talk about everything, share secrets, go shopping together- he loves to go shoe shopping and so do I, and we have a lot in common. He used to stay at my apartment one night a week and we'd just hang out and watch movies. He's taken me to his work christmas party for the last 3 years, he went to my sister's wedding with me and my ex. (He gets along with my ex) We can talk for hours on the phone. Well recently he started dating this girl I'll call her Sue. They were basically f*ck buddies and then she gave him an ultimatum so he started dating her. Last month she bought a house and invited him to move in. So now they live togehter ( I should point out that he hasnt even told her "I love you" yet because he said he's not sure if he does but thinks his feelings for Sue will grow.) anyway she is 6 years older than me (I'm 29) and four years older than Ben.

 

I have always tried to make her feel comfortable. Before they were officially dating she was trying to be my friend (to get close to Ben) and I was nice to her. When they started dating this summer I invited both of them to go on vacation with me and my ex. We rented a cabin and I let them stay two extra nights (free of charge) alone so they would have time to themselves. I thought that was a nice gesture in accepting her as his girlfriend. I"ve never been rude or mean to her and anytime all of us would go out I would always try to talk to her more than to Ben to make her feel included. When they had a housewarming party I couldn't attend but got HER a gift and put a lot of thought into it and she didn't even call or email to say thanks. whenever he calls me and she is around I always tell him to tell Sue I said hi. She never does the same.

 

 

Well since my ex left I've been trying to hang out with friends more. So I asked Ben if he wanted to go out to eat. I gave him plenty of advance notice so he could talk it over with Sue (it would just be the two of us, sue wasn't invited) We were going to go eat pizza during the week. Sue at first said she didn't have a problem with it so we were going to go last night. Well Sue evidently DID have a problem with it because before we went (Ben was in class at college) she kept calling him and leaving these 4 minute long messages about how she didn't think it was right that she wasn't invited and texting him and creating all this drama. She did this for about five hours and he finally called me (he was livid at her) and told me he was cancelling as he was too upset/mad at Sue to enjoy hanging out with me anyway and didn't want to be in a bad mood around me (we always have fun when we hang out). I got a little bummed out cause I was looking forward to hanging out (and I dont' have much to look forward to these days).

 

 

He told me that Sue had gotten mad last week when he called me (she was there) to tell me he was upset that these fancy fish that he'd just gotten a few weeks back had died. He wanted to know if I knew what the problem could be. Sue was mad that he'd asked me for advice. He also said that she told him he shouldn't be talking to me about anything that "is none of Lexi's business" whatever that means. our conversation (the one that made her mad) must have lasted only ten minutes because I was in the middle of watchign Grey's Anatomy. We didn't talk about ANYTHIGN personal. He just asked how I was doing and told me he was bummed about his fish. I feel like I"m on her "list". She already made him cut one of his long time female friends (not very close though) out of his life because she didn't like her. He wasn't allowed to attend this girl's wedding this summer. So I almost feel like I'm next.

 

I am NO threat to her. I would never want to date Ben. We are like brother and sister and I have absolutely no interest in him that way and he feels the same about me. He thinks Sue is insecure because she is heavy and I'm very thin and she feels threatened because I'm cute. that is ridiculous. I mean we've been friends for 14 years and NOTHING has ever happened. Yes, we talk, we have a great time together, we make eachother laugh but we could never date. It would ruin the friendship. I'm not his type at all- he thinks I'm very attractive- and vice versa but i"m about 5ft tall and he's 6 ft 5!!

 

Ben values my opinion and if I wanted to ruin his relationship with Sue I probably could. He is already unhappy with her about a lot of things (and they just moved in together and should be in the honeymoon phase!!) and if I was a b*tch and started making comments about Sue and her weight and her personality and telling him he could do MUCH better (and truthfully he could and it has nothing to do with her appearance, she doesnt' have a great personality either as she is "fake" tries to act all nice to your face and like nothing is wrong and then throws a fit behind your back. And if I expressed my disapproval for Sue then Ben would probably start looking elsewhere for someone to date because he really values his friends' opinions. but I've kept my mouth shut. Even though I've had to listen to him b*tch for hours about her.

 

I've tried to be her friend, tried to make her feel comfortable. tried to tell her that nothing is going on and nothing will ever happen between Ben and me. But she STILL has a problem with me. And I'm scared I'm going to lose the close friendship I have with Ben because of her. I mean she's already interferred with Ben and I trying to hang out last night. What can I do? I feel like not only did I lose my ex I'm losing my best friend too.

[lexi29]

So I sent an email to my best friend's girlfriend. I told her she has nothing to worry about- that we are only friends and I wanted to reassure her that I mean no harm to their relationship. I told her he told me that she was upset that he called me and that she didn't want him to go out to dinner with me. She sent me an email back today that is somewhat questionable. She said that my best friend is just manipulating what she is saying and twisting her words to make her look bad. Not sure why she would think he would want to make her look bad? He's not a dramatic person at all- she is full of drama and I know this for a fact because before they were dating he would want me to listen to the crazy messages she left him. And some of them were insane. If she makes him happy then I'm fine with her. I've tried to be friendly with her and she is turning it around saying that MY friends and I act like we don't want HER around. Also she said that she's not worried at all about me or any of my friends that hang out with him hooking up with him. THat she knows he woudlnt do that with any of us. Which is true. we are JUST friends. so why all the drama about him hanging out with me?

 

I invited her on a vacation I took with my ex (my best friend and she came along) I invited them on a double date not even two months ago- we all went to dinner. One of my friends invited her to a 4th of july party and she came with my best friend (her boyfriend) and the same friend invited her to her wedding this summer (and she REFUSED to go!) She said she has NO problem with me hanging out with him. Ok if this is true why did she call him 4 times and leave all these long messages about how upset she was before he and I were supposed to meet for dinner??