hintonj Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 My wife and I have been married for 10 years, have 2 boys and a stable home. I believed we were happily married. While checking new phones, I noticed our cellphone bill was quite high. I checked the current bill to find that there were over 2000 text messages last month from my wife to one number. I started looking over past bills to find that there had been over 1500 messages every month to the same number for over 6 months. She probably texts me 20 times a month on average. I work nights and usually sleep during the day although my railroad job tends to change hours alot. Most were from 9 pm to sometimes 4 am the next morning. She also works and there were also texts all day for hours at a time during her work hours. It doesn't end there though. There were also phone calls. Although not many maybe 10 a month each one lasting no more than 10 or 15 minutes and much quite shorter. I was floored, I had no idea that this had been happening. These texts started happening in June of this year. At that same period of time, she had switched our normal paper bill to online. I also didn't know that. I checked her phone and of course all messages were erased from it. I confronted her about it. She said "oh that's just Jim" from work. Who's Jim? It appears Jim is a cook at the hospital where she works as a manager. He is divorced, our age, overweight and lives with his parents! We talk about her job all the time and I don't remember more than a passing mention of the name Jim. And trust me I know everything about everybody else. I pressed hard of course being completely irate. She swore that "it was nothing" and I was being crazy. Upon further pressing she admitted that Jim might be infatuated with her and just a friend. How can that be?. Half the time she initiated the text message sessions? I freaked out. She didn't cry but swore this was nothing to her. Just a friend. No emotional feelings at all. I confronted her with the concept of an emotional affair. She doubted it, but said she would stop. I asked her to quit her job. We don't need the money! She wouldn't. She works with this guy for hours every day and then felt the need to text him for hours while I'm asleep or away but it's nothing? The worst thing is on several occasions I suspected something was wrong. I had a gut feeling. I came home from a distant wedding, where I was planning to stay over, to be with her. She was gone when I got home. I thought nothing of it really at first thinking maybe she had stayed at her moms to be with someone. She arrived home around 3 am and she said she had fallen asleep on her close female friends couch. That has never happened before in 10 years. She always tells me when she is going to a friends house whether I'm away or not. We were intimate we she arrived home but something was different. I don't know how to explain that part. maybe in my head only. Another party at her close friends while I was working where she did stay over Jim "wasn't even there!" However during that night the text messages had stopped until the next morning after she had returned home. He had been to one other outing where she had stayed over and he had been there. No text messages that night either. Upon further research I found a picture she had sent him of her naked breasts. She hadn't told me about that when she fessed up to so many messages. She said she gave him that because she "thought it would be funny". When has that ever been funny or ok to give naked pictures of yourself to a single secret friend. That was the only picture I found. Not that there weren't others I suppose. She admitted that she hasn't been happy in awhile. Not that she'd ever talked to me. He told her nice things and complemented her and made her feel special. She liked the attention she said. She won't tell me what all the texts were, she "can't really remember", only that mostly they started out as work talk. She says they weren't sexual, but what are the chances of that? She says they never "did anything" sexual. She hasn't texted him at all in the last couple days and says she told him it was not going to happen anymore. Whatever it was? I called him but he didn't answer. I left an assertive message that this would stop. I'm over the anger I initally felt, but not the hurt and the distrust. I still have this feeling she's still lying about something. Like there's more I don't know. She swears there is nothing else and can look me right in the eye and say it just like she said "he's just a friend". Could this have been it? Just friendship that got out of control on his side? What about that damn picture? Why was she texting him in the middle of the night first? Am I a fool for believing anything she has told me? Any insight would be appreciated...I've never felt this way before. I trusted her always and let her do anything she wanted. Seperate vacations with her friends and nights away. No questions asked. When she was in mexico in august with her mom she texted this guy too and called him 2 more times than she did me...so confused...is there more to it? I'm working really hard to correct my behavior towards her and am giving her lots of attention. I think alot of her needing to feel special are my fault. I kinda stopped trying amongst kids and everything. Was there more to it? 6 months is a long time to chat and not feel anything towards him, no?. She must have been thinking about him all the time. Little time for me in her thoughts I think.
reboot Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Was there more to it? Yes, she's cheating on you.
Planofool Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 We must be married to the same woman. Read my posting "Affair or Not" I would bet we can swap some identical stories.
abeliever Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I concur, Reboot. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck.....well you know! Funny each new person who puts their story in here. It gets better and better. (not making fun at yours, really) But do they all go to the same school? When was that? Why didn't I know about it? How? What makes them say to themselves...Self, I think my spouse did XYZ to me and I deserve this affair! Or something like that. I mean you have to rationalize it, right? What do you say once the first time comes and goes? Ok guilt, stay out of this, I derserve this and plus what they don't know won't hurt them!!!! Ok, let me get off my soap box. Sorry to hear your story (really) I know the pain and disbelief you are feeling. Lots of good stuff for your to read and get a handle on what is coming your way. Get ready for more lies and more "stories" as she will feed them to you. But know you can only believe is what you see. Nothing from what they tell you. CHEATERS NEVER TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH, ONLY WHAT YOU DISCOVER! Use this site it really does help with a lot of good advice and not so good. Its like anything else listen, read and then do what is best for you. Good luck. (sorry I am a lil down today, not feeling very cheerful today) abeliever
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 What IS it with supposed grown adults acting like teenage idiots and texting their lives away? What an embarrassing way for anyone over 21 to act. You say she doesn't need to work because you don't need the money - well, if she continues her high school behavior texting to her 40 year boyfriend who lives with mommy and daddy, she WILL need to work to cover the phone bill. Doesn't look like Baby Huey's going to pay it for her since he can't even afford to live on his own. Maybe your wife should claim temporary insanity. How else could she POSSIBLY justify wasting ANY time on some overweight social misfit who lives at his mom's 'crib?' She can't, unless she was temporarily insane. Why don't you threaten to tell this a*sswipe's mommy on him? Maybe THAT will get his attention. LOSER. Women like your wife make the rest of us just look stupid. Here she has an obviously dedicated and loyal husband and she's acting like a complete moron over some loser who can't even manage to live on his own. I'm personally angry FOR you. And tell your wife not to be surprised when that drooling weirdo posts her naked breasts all over the internet. Let's see how 'funny' she thinks it is then. Not only is she a LIAR, but she's an IDIOT as well for handing this loser something like that to do with whatever he wants. Good luck to you.
burningman Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Yes. She's not telling you everything, and she won't, so you better start digging. We're all for the same reason. And it's always the same story: we found a clue, and now you will spend several weeks getting her to leak the whole story out to you, one dreadful piece at a time. Time to go through the bank accounts, phone records, drawers, email accounts and every concievable hiding place you can think of. You are not crazy to do this either, you have every right. She is cheating on you. You're in for a long painful ride. Sorry.
reboot Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 CHEATERS NEVER TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH, ONLY WHAT YOU DISCOVER!Well, I don't agree with that 100%. Initially, at least, you get very little truth from them that you don't already know. I think you can eventually get MOST of the truth out of them, but it takes a lot of time and effort.
jmargel Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 There's alot more to it. She's lying and it doesn't matter if she looks you in the eye or your butthole and says it to you. She's still lying. 'Truth Untold' is just that, lies. The only way you found out about this was because of your detective work, not because she came clean. She continues to withhold information and lie to you. On top of that she refuses to quit her job. Doesn't matter if she stops texting him she still sees him at work! Trust your gut instinct, it is never wrong. Time for some tough love. Read the book 'Love must be tough'. If you roll over and piddle now she will continue to disrespect you. Good chance she has cheated physically, but even if she has not she has still cheated. I was in your shoes with my wife and from my experiences even though she has had no contact in years w/ the other guy the distrust, resentment and feeling of betrayal has not left.
burningman Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 reboot, you have to go into recon-stealth-PI mode. Seriously. She will only tell you what she has to. Might even be time to bring her some flowers at work, during her lunch break. I'm on day 16 and still don't have it all. (Not counting the 17 days she hid it)
reboot Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 reboot, you have to go into recon-stealth-PI mode. Seriously. She will only tell you what she has to. Might even be time to bring her some flowers at work, during her lunch break. I'm on day 16 and still don't have it all. (Not counting the 17 days she hid it)I've been at it for nearly 3 years now....
T L Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I discovered that my then Fiancee had been texting a guy who lived a couple of hundred miles away, later I found the cell phone bill and she had been sending up to 100 texts a day for a time,she even changed her price plan as the bills got so high, the texts carried on until I discovered what was happening. Believe me this is a sign that things are VERY wrong (even though we might want to deny it) , they try to play it down as just texting/friendship etc. This happened in the run up to my wedding and I made the massive mistake of still getting married because I wanted to believe what I was being told rather than trust my feelings and accept the truth. I just got back from my lawyers office today planning my divorce. You have choices, you have children so you have to take them into consideration. You have to decide if you are going to bury your head in the sand and put up with this or try to change things, but your wife will need to commit to that also. At the moment shes still trying to play it off as nothing. You cant just think that giving her a bit more attention will solve everything (at the very least she is addicted to this EA, and like any addiction they find it hard to break). Will your wife agree to go to couples councelling? You both need to start putting your cards on the table as this is unlikely to just go away.
burningman Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 reboot: sorry, that was meant to be addressed to hinton. I know you know what I'm talking about.
cj1988 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I am sorry and I KNOW how you feel. My H was not texting, but he was calling her all day during working hours and or any chance he could. When I confronted him after hearing a tape (it is posted on this web now) he said that I was crazy and then I have become the bad guy ever since. That was almost a year ago and I am still on this website everyday trying to get the same answers WE (you and I) already know, they are LIARS and have cheated emotionally for sure if not both. I am sooooo sorry for your pain, it is is AWFUL, no words can helpr or explain it until you have been there !
Bryanp Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 She is so lying to you that it is not funny. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would be so accepting and believing as you?She is totally humiliating and disrespecting you. Why don't you tell her you are going to set up a polygraph test. It cost about $500 for a couple of questions. I guarantee you she will freak out and refuse to take it. Tell her if you are wrong you will take her on vacation. I would also strongly suggest that the both off you take STD tests. I am so my friend but she is clearly cheating on you and continuing to play you for a fool. She has no respect for you or your intelligence.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I'm over the anger I initally felt, but not the hurt and the distrust. I still have this feeling she's still lying about something. Like there's more I don't know. She swears there is nothing else and can look me right in the eye and say it just like she said "he's just a friend". Yeah, so your wife is cheating on you, and she thinks your stupid to boot! Do you want to believe her lies so bad that you cannot acknowlege the truth? I know you see it! Otherwise you wouldnt be here. So here is some independant verification. YOUR WIFE IS CHEATING ON YOU! There, thats settled. Now what are you going to do about it?
burningman Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Is a polygraph test going too far? I'm asking here... 'cause believe me I thought about it.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Is a polygraph test going too far? I'm asking here... 'cause believe me I thought about it. LOL... I personally draw the line somwhere after branding irons and water boarding. So I think polygraph is pretty ok!
RamChops Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 Sorry to say it, she's cheating on you. Only problem is, you have no more than circumstantial evidence. Do you know anyone she works with? The people at her work might be able to tell you a thing or two ...
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 She cheated, bottom line. If she tells you anything different it's bullsh**! Go and find this Jim get the truth on your own. Give her a choice. it's you or him. If you dont have any kids I suggest kicking her out and moving on asap. IT's worse when kids are involved I dont think ay man should stay with a woman that's gonna be trifling. If you get married and she cheats, what was the point of being married? She's hiding alot more than what you imagine. Time for you to also do a 180.
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