Sitting here crying my eyes out

[bigheartkindsoul]

I had to go to my Sales meeting which is always in the same place, a hotel 30secs from my ex's place. So my meeting was yesterday, I saw him drive past, he has a highly visable sky blue 350z.

 

It's bought back alot of really painful memories from when we were together and how he treated me, I feel so sad and I feel really stupid for not being strong enough to leave when I knew I should have. I was so naive at the time, so dumb. How could I yes I have been so stupid and foolish.

 

Thing is when I remember or have thoughts of past things, my problem is I feel how I felt at the time too, down to every last little bit of emotion, its all just been a bit overwhelming.

 

I wish one of my friends or some sweet guy would just sit here and hug me while I get it out of my system.

 

I don't want to be the victim, but it's not fair, I hate remember how awful he made me feel during our relationship at times, how hurtful he was. I just wanna forget, forget it all. I actually wish I had never met him.

 

I wanna get past this and forget him, I just don't know how, please help me. :(

[Jasmine8719]

Time....it takes time...Im really sorry for your pain, I hate seeing anyone in that situation. Just be happy that your out of the relationship. You obviously need something to take your mind off of him and maybe boost your confidence...maybe go out with your friends, meet new people,have a spa day, relax .

 

Good luck!

 

-Jasmine

[bigheartkindsoul]

I don't think I can take much more, I just want to be totally happy and my normal pre-him self again. I cannot take this.

[funkybassplayer]

im sorry to hear this. The emotions are deep within you, and you still have to greive this out. Look at it this way. You saw him, and it brought up what still need s to be delt with. Better it comes out now while your single rather than be sparked off in a new relationship. Just keep healing and moving forward. Each time you hit a low, you will recover a little stronger than the last time. Remember they are emotions, that can be understood and controled by sitting quite, take deep breathes and try to clear your mind. Open a window a little let in air.

[stevessvt]

You will get through this,....just like you got through yesterday, you will get through today,....and tomorrow is waiting for you with open arms. Make it yours.

[Jmina]

If you continue to use words like 'victim' you will live up to that role, if you use words like 'nightmare' then your life with be a nightmare.

 

this is how it goes

 

you have your thoughts which make your opinons which then you carry out your actions

 

 

but how do you change your actions to be positive ones? because at the moment they are very negative.

 

Its very clear that your world is so depressing because THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE MAKING IT.

 

Do you realise that it is your thoughts that are continually bringing you down? you are very willingly digging yourself into a hole. it is you standing there in a hole digging it deeper screaming out "i am a fool! i will continue to feel sorry and angry at myself which then allows me to dig even deeper and darker away from everybody, i am on my own"

 

you need to throw this shovel away and refuse to dig. you need to start building steps to walk out of the hole and up into the world with everybody else and create happiness for yourself. and laughter and fun. you could have an amazing life.

 

you havnt been hit with a depressed wand by god, you have been given many chances to gain strength.

 

IF you have prayed to be stronger and happier, you arent suddenly filled with strength and happiness, you are given the opportunities to gain strength and create happiness. i say create because you dont find it, you dont wake up one day and are happy, you have to create it. it is a way of life. happiness is not a destination it is a WAY OF LIFE.

 

you have to work on it. create yourself.

 

the reasons why you cannot do this is because

 

-you havnt found the love for yourself

 

-you talk to yourself in your head in a very degrading way. would you ever sit on someones shoulder and whisper into their ear this?

"your a fool!, noone will love you!, you are so stupid! i am so angry at you! fool fool fool!"

 

..i think not.

 

the fact is, someone might as well be sitting beside you and whispering this to you, because you doing it yourself gives the EXACT same effect.

 

you have to change your thoughts.

 

ways to change:

 

something i stand very strongly by -WRITE

 

write down everything you feel, so then you thoughts will be totally out of your head....listen... its quiet! there is no chatter! that is because the thoughts are now down on paper. and now you have room for direction in your head.

 

now that your bad thoughts are down on paper you have a chance to accept the good ones.

 

(if you have the power to stop any good thoughts coming in and only accepting the bad ones you have the same power to stop the bad ones and let the good ones thrive. it just takes practice because you havnt done this in a long time)

 

write what you like about yourself that noone else has, be kind to yourself. maybe your a great listener, maybe your heart is so great and wonderful a beautiful possession that not many people have, (i think you do have this i know because so do i!) find something that you know you are unique for. acknowledge it and own it.

 

see how you go with this.

 

change your thoughts.

 

stop the bad ones and create the good ones..

if you really want to improve like you say you do then you will give this a try. if you cant be bothered because you are too comfortable in your own depressed world then i guess pick up that shovel again and dig deeper. jsut remember noone will pull you out. so dont assume they will. people will only offer a torch to shine down so you can see where to make the first step to get out.

 

good luck.

 

Jmina

xxx

[jerbear]

Honestly, I suggest taking sometime for yourself. Take a holiday for just yourself.

 

The holidays are coming, I'm suggesting YOU take a holiday (vacation) to go somewhere. Bring a friend, visit a friend, just take a break where you are NOT in the same environment that puts you into relapse.

[ovoquente]

Right now you are already on your separate path and you did say that you felt bad knowing that you should've left when you know should have. The important part is it’s already over with and it’s already behind you, you just have to keep it there, never let it haunt you again and leave the bad memories to die. You already know that you are better off without him and you deserve so much more. Hang in there, everything will be alright again.

[Lyssa]

BHKS, you should read Jmina's post very carefully. It's a good one.

 

You shouldn't have to feel that you need someone to make you feel better. Only you can make yourself feel better. It doesn't take another person to make you feel whole again. Work on and stick to it. You shouldn't be emotionally dependent on any guy. What if he goes away again? Then find another one? Just for having someone to take away your pain for that brief moment? I don't think it's worth it. ONLY YOU can make YOU feel happy and better. You were doing so well the last week or so.. keep doing it!!

[bigheartkindsoul]

BHKS, you should read Jmina's post very carefully. It's a good one.

 

You shouldn't have to feel that you need someone to make you feel better. Only you can make yourself feel better. It doesn't take another person to make you feel whole again. Work on and stick to it. You shouldn't be emotionally dependent on any guy. What if he goes away again? Then find another one? Just for having someone to take away your pain for that brief moment? I don't think it's worth it. ONLY YOU can make YOU feel happy and better. You were doing so well the last week or so.. keep doing it!!

 

I have hun and I will. I have just got up and will make some appointments today. I still feel low but am trying every last piece of strength I have to try and cheer up and feel better.

 

{{{{{thanks hunny}}}}}

[sb129]

BigHeart, some people here are just telling you to buck up and move on. It may not be what you like to hear but it's spot on. Don't be so sensitive. I think alot of good points are made here.

 

I absolutely agree.

 

When I first joined LS, I thought that a few people were a little harsh, but in reality they opened my eyes to a few things that I was conveniently ignoring.

 

Sometimes you need to hear things that you don't want to hear.

[funkybassplayer]

belive me you are keeping yourself in this dark place, the ex is not and nor are ls'rs.

[bigheartkindsoul]

belive me you are keeping yourself in this dark place, the ex is not and nor are ls'rs.

 

and I am trying to get out but with depression it is not that easy to just "snap out of it"

[sb129]

and I am trying to get out but with depression it is not that easy to just "snap out of it"

 

No, it isn't, but you can get medical help for depression to assist you to get out of it. And one of the great things about the UK that our poor American friends don't have is the free health service.

 

Have you actually been diagnosed with depression?

[Geishawhelk]

and I am trying to get out but with depression it is not that easy to just "snap out of it"

 

Ok then.

This 'Depression':

 

Would you describe it as 'Acute', 'Chronic', 'Clinical' or 'Manic'?

 

In other words, is this a condition you are habitually prone to, or that has arisen as a result of this issue?

Do you yourself view it as temporary?

[bigheartkindsoul]

No, it isn't, but you can get medical help for depression to assist you to get out of it. And one of the great things about the UK that our poor American friends don't have is the free health service.

 

Have you actually been diagnosed with depression?

 

Yes I have, I came off my meds about 4-5wks ago because I felt ok and mood was good but it was my holiday/vacation time, the last couple of weeks have been reality with a hard bang which has been too much to cope with. I will be calling them as soon as they open this morning.

 

Ok then.

This 'Depression':

 

Would you describe it as 'Acute', 'Chronic', 'Clinical' or 'Manic'?

 

In other words, is this a condition you are habitually prone to, or that has arisen as a result of this issue?

Do you yourself view it as temporary?

 

I would describe it as "not continous" but when on the odd occassion it appears it can be quite bad.

 

I suppose its a positive thing that I can stay up without any meds now for a few days at a time.

 

I guess having to see my ex just all made everything and every feeling come back to the surface.

[sb129]

Did you stop your meds without consulting a doctor?

 

Most antidepressants require you to wean yourself off them, like at first you miss a day, then take one every other day, then every third day and so on.

 

That way your body doesn't crash.

 

Sounds like you have come off them too early.

[LoisLane]

No wonder you're having the blues.

[bigheartkindsoul]

Did you stop your meds without consulting a doctor?

 

Most antidepressants require you to wean yourself off them, like at first you miss a day, then take one every other day, then every third day and so on.

 

That way your body doesn't crash.

 

Sounds like you have come off them too early.

 

No we (Doc and me) did go to the lowest dosage. I guess if things had carried on going nicely I would have been ok, but I know life is not like that just seeing the ex sent my heart, my head back in time some.

[Ocean-Blue]

While LS can be a very helpful, informative forum...it may also become a crutch of sorts.

 

You need to stop thinking as a victim and going to others for validation BKHS. It will only end up hurting you. While it may provide instant gratification, it'll leave you feeling empty and unsatisfied in the long run.

 

Going back on your meds (or speaking to your doctor/psychiatrist) is a good idea.

 

Best wishes to you.

[sb129]

While LS can be a very helpful, informative forum...it may also become a crutch of sorts.

 

You need to stop thinking as a victim and going to others for validation BKHS. It will only end up hurting you. While it may provide instant gratification, it'll leave you feeling empty and unsatisfied in the long run.

 

Going back on your meds (or speaking to your doctor/psychiatrist) is a good idea.

 

Best wishes to you.

 

I agree.

 

This and the other thread you have started are counter productive (although some of the advice you have received is not).

Having two threads about essentially the same thing actually reduces the level of sympathy some people may give you.

 

Sure, come to LS for support and advice, but start too many woe is me/ cry wolf type threads without actually getting off your butt and doing anything about it will wear thin on many peoples patience, which you will probably take offense to.

 

I suggest you take a day off today, (everyone is allowed some time off, epsecially when they are down) and look after yourself. Go to the doctor and get back on your meds, have a long walk on this beautiful winters day (wrap up warm its cold though!), maybe listen to some kick-ass music while you do it, then go home, take a long hot bath, and make yourself a nice comforting dinner like bangers and mash, and get some sleep.

 

It won't break the bank, and it will give you some much needed time out from yourself!

[bigheartkindsoul]

It was desperation last night, I was at the lowest of the low I did think about ending my life just for the pain and hurt to be gone. I didn't know where else to turn.

 

Thank you everyone for your kind words, your advice which has been noted.

 

Perhaps I will come back here soon.

 

Take care

 

xxxx

[Jmina]

our advice has been 'noted'

 

you havent listened to one bit..

 

if anything clicked your response would be much different.

no wonder you seem to stay so depressed, any help you get goes in one ear and out the other.

 

 

 

this is just how it seems through this forum. i havnt seen any positive change, and yes it can happen quickly because it did for me when i decided to stop feeling and looking so pathetic.

 

i gave you SO much help and it COULD change your life drastically. but you havnt seen to notice.

I didnt give you an opinion i gave you a key. and i spent half an hour wording it so you would have a better chance of grasping the ideas down. if you read it but the words just dont sink in. if it just doesnt work. then you are not ready to get better and you are enjoying staying in the dark place, which means you need a life style change. what is your payoff for staying this way? everybody has a payoff for everything they do or they wouldnt do it.

 

you dont have to answer this here, but find out what it is. maybe your pay off is getting sympathy from friends, maybe it is keeping yourself comfortable in your own world and not stepping out which requires guts and effort.

 

you are recieving a payoff and you need to acknowledge what it is. then start to change.

you can do it because you own a human spirit.

 

 

 

 

 

USE IT

[funkybassplayer]

our advice has been 'noted'

 

you havent listened to one bit..

 

if anything clicked your response would be much different.

no wonder you seem to stay so depressed, any help you get goes in one ear and out the other.

 

 

 

this is just how it seems through this forum. i havnt seen any positive change, and yes it can happen quickly because it did for me when i decided to stop feeling and looking so pathetic.

 

i gave you SO much help and it COULD change your life drastically. but you havnt seen to notice.

I didnt give you an opinion i gave you a key.

 

 

 

USE IT

 

She has her own life her own parth, where ever that may lead, it is her own destiny. You seem hurt that she has not listened to you, and is not changing her 'parth' she has to do what is right for her, whatever that may be.

[bigheartkindsoul]

our advice has been 'noted'

 

you havent listened to one bit..

 

if anything clicked your response would be much different.

no wonder you seem to stay so depressed, any help you get goes in one ear and out the other.

 

 

 

this is just how it seems through this forum. i havnt seen any positive change, and yes it can happen quickly because it did for me when i decided to stop feeling and looking so pathetic.

 

i gave you SO much help and it COULD change your life drastically. but you havnt seen to notice.

I didnt give you an opinion i gave you a key. and i spent half an hour wording it so you would have a better chance of grasping the ideas down. if you read it but the words just dont sink in. if it just doesnt work. then you are not ready to get better and you are enjoying staying in the dark place, which means you need a life style change. what is your payoff for staying this way? everybody has a payoff for everything they do or they wouldnt do it.

 

you dont have to answer this here, but find out what it is. maybe your pay off is getting sympathy from friends, maybe it is keeping yourself comfortable in your own world and not stepping out which requires guts and effort.

 

you are recieving a payoff and you need to acknowledge what it is. then start to change.

you can do it because you own a human spirit.

 

 

 

 

 

USE IT

 

Noted - a figure of speech, I have indeed taken everything you and others have said on bored. They is no need to get so nasty toward me.

 

I post below a copy of what I wrote in the other post about this upcoming weekend to prove I had taken very much what you had said seriously.

 

Thank you, yes the first sentance is how I feel but I am digging deep, I have sometime to myself this weekend and will do some writing and write about all that is good about me and my life right now instead of feeling the worse. Gonna eat some healthy food, go down the gym like all weekends and go shopping.

 

I have made an appointment with hypnotherapist as I'd like help with not forgetting but just not remember the feelings that went along with past events because that is what brings me down.

 

When I remember I remember exactly how I felt at the time, that for anyone is draining and upsetting.

 

And just because it might not be immediate for me doesn't justify the harshness I read in your post, which actually has just upset me further being in a fragile state n all. Never mind just another thing to get over.