She Left for Ex, Return Chances?

[Jknoxville32]

So I'll try to keep it simple and not go into all the details. I went out with this girl for about a month and it was intense and fast. We ended up talking everyday and within a couple weeks were staying over with each other. Yeah it was fast but everything felt natural and when we were talking everything clicked. It never occurred to me how fast things had gone till after, because it just felt like we were always together kind of thing. I'm pretty sure she felt the same, moreso since she set the pace most of the time. So everything's going great and then everything changes in one day where all contact is shut off and she becomes unresponsive. After a few days I talk to her and she says that she feels things were moving fast and needed time to think about things. Later I find out, and I can only take her word for the timing, that her ex-bf called her and trying to reconcile things on the day that I noticed everything changed. She also said that he was talking to her over the course of the next week and between the two of us she couldnt take it and had to stop it all. When we finally talked she said we went so fast because she thought it was because of what she was used to from her old relationship but I told her that it doesnt always happen like that and I thought it was because of us and she said she knew what I meant. I was the first person she dated since her ex and first person she wanted to. When we talked on the phone I could tell she didnt want to talk to me. She actually avoided the whole breakup conversation for almost a week till she finally called me back.

 

So it turns out she had been with him for over 2 years and she said they were only apart a couple months before we got together. I dont entirely buy that because a friend of hers said they broke up and tried again and broke up again. Also she let slip one night I was the first person she had dated to see her new house she bought in April. So either it was a constant 2 years or a big break this year and an aborted reconcile. Also from what I hear it was her that ended it. I considered it could've been a rebound but there were no signs because she never mentioned him, never compared me to him (that I knew), had a pretty active single life going, no one else knew or said anything, etc. If she was hung up on him before the call it was a well well-kept secret. Basically I think this guy had no effect on us until he called and that tanked us. She didnt say she was leaving me for him she just said that she still had feelings for him and couldnt date me or date at all while she did. I get the impression she's going to try with him again as does my friend who said she talked about it one night this week while hanging out and he said he thinks they're getting back together.

 

So much for being simple and quick. If its the third try I think its beating a dead horse, the second try who knows. Anyway I think we had a really strong connection and that if we had had more time even him coming back wouldnt have mattered. I've never had things move that fast and natural before. I think her feelings for me just couldnt match up against the residual feelings of 2 years. So is there a chance of her coming back to me if this fails again? Did we make enough of an impression to make her want to return (I know it did on my side)? One side says it was only a month, the other side says it was as intense as any relationship I've ever had.

 

Thoughts? I'm not going to sit on my hands and wait but I'd like to know there's a shot to see her again because it somehow makes me feel like things weren't superficial and I was a punk for falling too quickly.

[Geishawhelk]

She's insecure, indecisive and a bouncer. She doesn't know what she wants. Be the racket, not the wall.

Move on.

Find someone less confused and more committed.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I agree, if she'll go back to an ex. She isnt the one you want anyway's. Sorry.

[Crestfallen_KH]

You were a rebound relationship. She set the pace and you moved quickly, you were the first relationship that went anywhere after the breakup, and the relationship ended badly. Look up "rebound relationships" on the Internet and you'll probably find other similarities.

 

The chances of her coming back are very, very small. She was still grieving her last LTR. Let her go and find someone who is really and truly able to be in a relationship.

[ncpd25]

Jknox,

Your circumstances sound very similar to mine (read my threads). I sat around and beat myself up fopr a while thinking did something wrong. I finally realized, after getting feedback on LS, that my ex is a trainwreck. Similar scenario as yours. My ex talked to her ex boyfriend 5 days before she broke up with me. She told me, he stopped by her house and was crying etc...I drew the conclusion, she had only been broken up with him for a couple of weeks (She told me, they had broken up seven months before meeting me. She also told me she has been divorced for 4 years. After the breakup, I found out, she was still going to court for her divorce and it was finalized while we were going out.

 

I knew at that point that I didn't want to be with somebody that didn't have the decency to be honest with me. I dealt with drug dealers, muderers and rapists that couldn't lie as well as my ex did. Water under the bridge. I've been NC for the past 8 weeks (since we broke up). No chance in he*l, I would get back with her.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't give her the option of coming back if she wanted to. Her choice was to go back to her ex. She made her choice, she can live with it. I understand your feelings about how natural and special things were. Don't be her doormat. Move on!

[Jknoxville32]

You were a rebound relationship. She set the pace and you moved quickly, you were the first relationship that went anywhere after the breakup, and the relationship ended badly. Look up "rebound relationships" on the Internet and you'll probably find other similarities.

 

The chances of her coming back are very, very small. She was still grieving her last LTR. Let her go and find someone who is really and truly able to be in a relationship.

 

Isnt by definition anyone whose next a rebound regardless of time frame? I did look around and there were a lot of similarities but there were differences too. I'm 99% sure there was that break and she was out there on her own for awhile before they tried to reconcile once before (i've pegged that as early August). I know she was looking to start dating because after we were together she had said that she had done the match.com profile thing and her friends and her were trying out a speed dating thing before we got together. I also know that she was out there active on her own and doing her own things with friends and family and not sitting around pining for him. If she were depressed or hung up I think my friends who know her would have picked up on it or she would've let something slip to me. All indications and actions were that she was free and clear. My friend whose known her for a year thought they had broken up back in Jan or Feb.

 

I strongly believe that our relationship ended badly because he came back into the picture. Until he did things were great and it was only when he showed up that things changed because then she had him trying to get back together and she had to stop and evaluate what she wanted to do. I think that its at that point that she started with having feelings that she needed to try again and what not because they didn't seem to be there before. I have no doubt she missed him, i've dated since a girl I really fell for years ago and still have fond memories of her though they dont define how I live. If she came back into the picture now I'd have to take a minute to decide and that's with that much time off. She had to weigh a great month with me against years of history with him which couldnt have been all bad. She didnt leave for someone else she left to go back to him.

 

Maybe i'm deluding myself but I dont think it was a rebound because she had many many opportunities to date before me but didn't. It was a running gag about how her friends had tried to set her up and even a guy who she now considers like a brother spent months chasing after her till she finally got him to realize it would never happen (another reason I dont buy there wasnt a break).

 

The rebound idea irks me because then I feel like I was used as a crutch and the feelings were one-sided. I think she was right there with me till she was put in the position to choose and I lost out against so much history.

 

You guys are right in that she's confused with what she wants, obviously. I'm not saying I'm going to be putting my life on hold or anything but I do really dig her and feel like we had something so if she came back after dealing with this and I was still single and felt the same I think I would like to see what we really had and where it would've gone. Also if she comes back it would validate the relationship somewhat because I would know it was something between both of us and I wasnt just filler.

[Crestfallen_KH]

Didn't you say in your original post that she said she had only been broken up two months? I know you say that you doubt that after all, but it seems to me that might possibly be picking and choosing what it is you want to believe.

 

A month isn't very long. Also, in the beginning of a new relationship, you get that "new relationship high" and are still in the "We are so perfect for one another! We finish each other's sentences! OMG!" stage. I guess I can't believe that she "started" having feelings for this guy again just because he chose to come back. It's likely those feelings just never left.

 

I guess the reasons why it ended really don't matter, do they? She's obviously very messed up emotionally and confused. She's demonstrated that time and time again. If you really want a chance to see what develops later on down the line, then give her time. Go NC, focus on yourself and see what happens.

[Jknoxville32]

Didn't you say in your original post that she said she had only been broken up two months? I know you say that you doubt that after all, but it seems to me that might possibly be picking and choosing what it is you want to believe.

 

A month isn't very long. Also, in the beginning of a new relationship, you get that "new relationship high" and are still in the "We are so perfect for one another! We finish each other's sentences! OMG!" stage. I guess I can't believe that she "started" having feelings for this guy again just because he chose to come back. It's likely those feelings just never left.

 

I guess the reasons why it ended really don't matter, do they? She's obviously very messed up emotionally and confused. She's demonstrated that time and time again. If you really want a chance to see what develops later on down the line, then give her time. Go NC, focus on yourself and see what happens.

 

Yeah she said two months but I think what she did is take when they started dating to the end of the attempted reconcile as one lump time frame. So instead of x time together and break then y time she just said 2 years together and 2 months apart. You're right I am kind of picking and choosing, if she said 2 months then that's what she has in her mind to believe. I have to accept that she still has feelings for him because no matter what I come up with for the breakup it comes back to that. But do I think she was with me to rebound from him or because she wanted to get those feelings away, not so much. Maybe I'm assuming I know too much about her but I think I do, we talked basically all day every day in some fashion and there wasn't even a hint of that. Nor to my friend who had hung out with her over the past year.

 

You're right in that the reasons dont totally matter but to me they kind of do. Her leaving me for him means I lost out to residual feelings and history, me losing out to someone random or just wanting to be on her own again means there's something I may have been able to do or missed. Which is why I want to know if there's a chance she'll be back because that also tells me yeah it did mean something to her.

[Art_Critic]

You were a flash in the pan..

 

A diversion for her to keep her mind busy till she and her ex got back.. ( I like to call these sacrifice dates/relationships)

 

Don't even misstep on this one..Go forward and don't look back.. She will not be back..and if she does then it will be over the same circumstances..

 

You did nothing wrong.. She just didn't have you in her sights for a relationship at the time you dated her...

[Jknoxville32]

Here's another question based on this train of thought. Can a real relationship be formed in one month if its quick and intense. Talked daily for a month from first date to last, plus a few days between last time we were together and the breakup call. I worked out that we saw each other 13 days of the 19 when in town together (both took trips during month) from dates and staying over together. Yeah I was shocked too when i did the math.

 

I can tell you everything about her from where she grew up, her GPA in high school, what her grad school concentration is, brothers/sisters, what she does for a living and for how long, whole employment history, middle name and how she got it, favorite candy, first car, roommates, etc. So it wasnt all physical though we did get physical fairly quickly too.

 

Does this show that there were real feelings and connections there and it was more than a flash in the pan or rebound? Obviously we shared a lot of info back and forth and learned a lot about each other. Is that enough to miss even though it was only a month of time?

 

This is an objective question about whether this time frame and intensity can form a real relationship. I'm feeling fairly decent right now just curious as to everyone's takes.

[Crestfallen_KH]

Sure it could, if both parties are emotionally available.

[Jknoxville32]

Sure it could, if both parties are emotionally available.

 

I guess since she said she still has feelings for her ex, I should assume she wasnt emotionally available?

 

Also since this all started she hasnt made any effort to talk or communicate with me since we last saw each other (which turns out to be the day he called). She left that day for a trip and when I talked to her when she got back she said she had some things to think about and we had moved fast and then was quiet for another week. she also admitted he called her on the trip too, I just sent a few texts cause I thought she would be busy. We talked in the meantime but only when I started off communication. A complete 180 from how it was just the day before and of the ex call. There were two days of NC before she called to tell me what was going on and this is the third since the call. I dont know if she would've called at all if my friend hadnt asked her what he could tell me when I was talking to him. Though I do think/hope she would've at some point.

 

Is it wrong that it matters to me who she left for, the ex or random? My friend thinks she's going to stay single at least through this semester of grad school before trying with the ex again. That is if we're right and she is going to try but he was there for a whole conversation earlier this week (they have some classes together) and he said everything that was said made him think they would. I'm wondering if she's thinking about me at all because I cant help but think if she isnt then I didnt mean anything to her. Even though I tell myself we wouldn't have done what we did as fast as we did if there werent feelings there.

 

Yeah, I fell into a rut this morning because I found out that my friend went out with class buddies last night and she was there I'm sure. I also know that she has been out with friends or had plans for every single night through Sunday. When we talked Tues she said she had "plans" Weds after telling me exactly what she was doing every other night this week/weekend. It made me think she was meeting up with the ex though I dont know for sure of course.

[My_Other_I]

OP, I am that girl right now. I broke up with a great guy yesterday (your story sounds awfully similar to mine and his) because I started talking to my ex on the phone after a couple of weeks from a break up initiated by me. I realized that there is an unfinished business, I haven't dealt with the loss of the relationship and it was weighing the new R down heavily.

I feel confused, sad and heartbroken over it...I wish I knew what I wanted at this point but decided that it is not fair the the new guy to be in a relationship where I cannot be receptive to his feelings and emotions. Just like your gf - I shut off from him in hopes of reconciling with my ex, which I will probably regret.

 

I am not sure that all "train wrecks'" emotional processes are the same but I know that I would only return to him if it didn't work out with my ex. You don't want this for yourself, do you? Who knows, maybe down the road she will realize what a great guy you are....but for how long?! Until her ex calls again?

 

I'd put on my running shoes and move onto someone who will be receptive and give back the same that's given to her. Good luck to you....and btw I don't think she meant to hurt you; she probably believed it could work.

[Jknoxville32]

I get what you're saying and that does make me feel a bit better. I do think the situations parallel a lot from what you've said. I also see your warnings about if she did come back. I can't say for certainty that she is even going back to the ex though my gut says she is and so does my friend who heard all this that night in another conversation. Then again she may just be reconciling her feelings within herself and not dating at all. My friend thinks she's taking a break of a month or two completely before going back to him.

 

Am I going to wait? No, though it is hard to shake these feelings. But I do want her to know that if she figures things out in whatever form it takes and at that time I am single and so is she, that we explore what was there but a heck of a lot slower. I'd make sure that it was our time first knowing what I know now. The problem I have with that is that we werent friends before we started dating. We dont really hang out in the same social situations though share a couple friends. So I dont know when that opportunity would arise or how to let her know. I told her how special I think she is, why I thought things went the way they did because we had that connection and naturalness. Is that enough to have said that? At the end of the conversation I told her that again and said that hopefully we'd run into each other again and she laughed saying of course we would that it was a small town silly and laughed. We hadnt seen each other ever before though. The downside is we only have immediate communication. I know her IM and phone number. There really isnt the opportunity to talk in a time lapse/no pressure format. I'm only speculating down the road, at least a couple if not few weeks and I still feel I need to let her know this.

 

I just get the feeling that she did what you said and cut us off and now its out of sight and out of mind because she does have the ex still after her. I doubt she's giving him the same treatment since she chose those feelings over us. I just date rarely and only when I see someone special to pursue. So if there's ever a chance for us down the road after all this I want it to be understood as open, if I'm still available.

[Crestfallen_KH]

Wow, you're really thinking a lot about this. It sounds like you developed really strong feelings in such a very short amount of time. I'm sorry that happened in this situation.

 

But now it sounds like you are looking for help to communicate to her that you are interested in being an "option" for her if and when she decides she really doesn't want to date her ex. I really don't think you need to communicate that. If she thinks she's made a mistake, she'll get in touch with you. If someone really wants to be with you, they'll let you know. After all, her ex got in touch with her even though she was already dating you, didn't he?

 

But I would seriously recommend just going NC with her and moving on. I don't doubt at all that she cared about you, but she has memories, a love, and a history with the ex that you two do not. That's a hard thing to compete against, particularly if she still has feelings for him, and it sounds like she does. You can analyze and ask all the friends you want about "why" and "what" she is doing, but the reality is that she has to be free to live her own life and make her own choices. And that choice just isn't you and, statistically, won't be again.

[Jknoxville32]

Single handedly the worst I've ever been treated by an ex.

 

I just got back from running into my ex at a local store getting dinner. We chatted for a few minutes, kind of awkward but we were talking and getting along. Talked about a bunch of different things and everything seemed cool and we joked a bit, talked about work, etc. Though she never asked a thing about me, it was me asking about her. She said she was going to go get her food and I said ok and let me know if she ever wanted to meet up and get some coffee or hang out sometime and started to leave too. I had dropped her a note wishing her a Happy Thanksgiving a week or so ago, yeah I broke NC, and she had responded. I gave her my email to use because I preferred the email, this was all online at one of those social network sites. As I was leaving she stopped and came back and said that she got the note with my email address but only used her work email and didnt want to give that out. She had mentioned before she thought the tech guys watched her online mess and was paranoid a little about it.

 

Then we started chatting again about the online thing and she comes out and says that she removed me from her IM. I was kind of shocked and asked her "really?" and she seemed amazed it bothered me. Kept bringing it up of why do I care? Keep in mind we had talked for over a month daily online. She started to say that well if I get bored and its up there I'll look over and one thought leads to another and then another...then she stopped and changed gears. She doesnt say a single nice thing from that point on. I can vaguely consider the beginning of that statement as good cause it would mean she was thinking of me or talking to me but she stopped herself from saying that.

 

She goes into how she deletes everyone she doesnt talk to. Then she asked if I deleted her and I say no, I keep people up there cause you never know if you want or need to chat with them. So over the course of the rest of the conversation she says that we have nothing to talk about. That we dont even know each other. I say I keep people on there cause I only choose to be friends and in touch with cool people and people I'd want to keep around. She rolls her head and her eyes and says yeah you said that before (during our break up call). I said we knew each other and she just laughs and says yeah you said that too. She starts talking about how things are fluid and she deletes everyone she doesnt talk to. I say I keep in touch with the cool people and she goes no, its like a snowball you just pick up new people. At one point she says we have nothing to say to each other or reason to talk unless we run into each other at the store. Then she basically says I need to get my food and just walks off and I head the other way.

 

She was just freaking cruel with the things she said and the way she said it. Basically it came across as that I have been entirely deleted from her life and I didnt mean a thing to her. It makes me feel like the whole time together was a sham and she didnt give two ****s about anything or me in general. I can't even believe at this point that she was being honest about leaving for her ex, cause if she's able to shake things loose like that and I'm dead to her (based on her tone/words) what chance does this guy have.

 

I dont know what to think. If she's really like that, then I didnt know her cause she was never like that when we were together. Is she just purposely being cruel about things to make it easier for her to forget things and move on and make me mad at her and do the same. It doesnt make any real sense. If she really did care less what does that say about her with how fast and close we seemed to have gotten. I just cant buy it that she's really like how she just acted, but a part of me does wonder if it is. I really really want to call her and just be like are you serious? are you really like this? I almost feel like she should apologize cause she seemed to go out of her way to say hurtful things, but she may not have even known they were.

 

Thoughts? Was i duped and completely naive or is this some kind of "normal" behavior for someone to do to shake off an ex?

[Surfer Girl]

One does not always get over the ex so quickly... They may devert themselves for awhile... The healing process can take time and 2 months for an ex for two years... is not alot of time... For me personally... Once I consider someone to date... I consider how long it has been since they were with ex... and the time they were with ex... I won't consider it, unless it has been at least a year with NC in most cases.... JMHO...

[MrMichael]

can tell you everything about her from where she grew up, her GPA in high school, what her grad school concentration is, brothers/sisters, what she does for a living and for how long, whole employment history, middle name and how she got it, favorite candy, first car, roommates, etc. So it wasnt all physical though we did get physical fairly quickly too.

 

 

 

oh man does this sh-t suck...dude I just read your thread, and I read your latest one about the store encounter..I am here for ya buddy, my x acted EXACT to yours, read my thread, but heres what went down with my "store" scenario...I see her car at the bar, I go in, curious of course, and there is NO guy around her, she is w/ 6 other girls, she is nonchalant, then pulls me over to a private table, grabs my hand and says " I m mad at you for coming in here" then her next sentance "I'm not pregnant" ??? and then starts rambling about some puppy she bought an ex boyfriend way back when, so these girls come up to the table, she turns into Super bitch and asks me "why havent you left yet?", and then gives me a kiss and says " e mail me tnite"...like wtf?????

 

 

dude, to get treated that way what happened to you, sucks a--, beilve ME, all I can say is dont let it reflect on the person you are...its HER, she is uncertain and apparently uncaring that she could change lanes like that without signaling...my time was 1 month also, that is why I quoted your writing...I know all the dirt about mine too, she wrote me NOVELS about her life,childhood et all

 

then we meet, hang out I even meet the fam, and then whamo> "I dont think its gonna work out, we are too different"..

 

hang in there man It sucks, especially at X mas, I still reel from my breakup, that was Aug..I have your thinking to the T, "was it meant to be" etc....

[Jknoxville32]

I know what you mean Surfer, but it didnt occur to me to quiz her on her dating history. From what I had heard from my friend thats known her, to an extent, for a year she was single and had been. If I had known or she had let me know I wouldnt have let her take things the way she did and the way they happened.

 

That does suck MrMichael, sorry to hear that. I think my situation was a bit different though in that there were no positives, even when reaching and wondering why she stopped herself when saying "one thought leads to another" about why she took me off IM. It was almost as if she was being cruel, just to be cruel. Saying we have nothing to talk about and we'd only talk if we ran into each other somewhere, that we didnt know each other, etc. I dont know if she was trying to say she does that to everyone she doesnt talk to and it just came across messed up or what. She just kept asking why I was bothered she took me off, so I guess that was surprising to her but it seemed the longer she went the worse it got. Basically till she finally just pretty much walked away without, as far as I can remember, even really saying bye or anything.

[Art_Critic]

You were a flash in the pan to her..

It wasn't like you had known each other years and dated for years...

 

You did not know each other and were dating to try and get to know each other..

You guys just didn't click on her end and she moved on..

It happens.. it sucks.. but it happens and it's life..

 

If you can't get over this and move on then you might be depressed and might need to see someone..

You are getting hurt by her responses now because she is being harder on you because she knows that you are having a tough time letting go.

 

You need to delete her from your IM.. that is what people do when they break up and won't talk to them again..

 

Sorry that it didn't go down good with your run in.. she isn't worth anymore of your brain energy..

[CaliGuy]

Single handedly the worst I've ever been treated by an ex.

(snipped)

 

Just keep reminding yourself of this every time you want to break NC. Additionally, I saw some of the "door mat" tendencies in what you wrote.

 

Have you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover) yet? I highly recommend it.

[oppath]

Jknowville,

 

what is your dating history like?

 

I had a similar situation but I dated her for 6 months. I'm not over it almost a year later but I was suffering from depression before the breakup.

 

Regardless, years prior I became really attached after a handle of dates to some (not all) women I dated, and things wouldn't work out, and I'd be hurt really bad. The more I dated, the more I realized that I am going to have MANY one month relationships -- there are many women out there who can give me that -- it's just that a longer relationship is more difficult to come by. Basically, the more you date, you will realize that this is not a big deal, it was only a month. I am not discrediting your feelings as the intensity you felt was real for you. I certainly wouldn't want someone saying to me "you only dated her 6 months, it's not a big deal" because it was my longest relationship so for me, it was a big deal.

 

But 3 years ago, when I was learning how to date, I'd have a 1 month affair turn south and it really hurt me. After dating more, even if I REALLY felt connected, it would be disappointing, but not that big of a deal.

 

So if you have not dated much, DATE DATE DATE. Improve your social confidence (and read the book Caliguy suggested). This isn't the end of the world and is a stepping stone to longer, better relationships with people better for you.

 

Also, it is ok to solicit her relationship history earlier. Ask "when was your last relationship? Do you feel you are ready for a new relationship? Do you still keep in contact with your ex?" There is nothing wrong with asking those questions on date 3. Don't do it as an interrogation. But you are allowed to ask those questions in a casual tone. Nobody like to talk about their ex's when dating someone new; I'm not suggesting you do that. I'm suggesting that you solicit information that will help you determine what level of attachment to allow yourself. If someone is recently out of a LTR, keep yourself detached, especially if the ex may still be in the picture.

[Jknoxville32]

I'd say I've had about 9 or 10 girlfriends that I'd "count", I space them out sometimes purposely so that I dont just bounce from one to the next. I've always seen that as unfair to me and whomever I would date. They've ranged from about a month to up to seven. Usually they last about 3-4 months on average, two about 6 and two about one. I usually decide fairly quickly if I want to date someone or not, often before ever even asking them out. If they dont peak my interest or do whatever that "thing" is that makes me see them differently I dont consider dating them. I just kinda know if I can see myself with them or not, and in this case if she's like how she was last night its the first time I've ever misjudged someone so completely. Another reason that last night really got to me. I've been told a lot that the way I date is a problem cause it means that I only go into relationships with two outcomes....bad breakup or long term.

 

I'll check out that book Cali. You're right in those tendencies are out there because I'm usually fairly easy going. I've gotten better about that a bit lately with friends and girlfriends by calling them out if something does bother me and not letting it stew. Such as me bringing up that it bugged me how she acted with her friend that night (in an earlier post), normally I may have let that slide rather than risk breaking up.

 

Also I may have given the impression that I've spent the gap in posts stewing about this which isnt completely the case. Sure I think about her and sometimes did look at IM to see if she was on or when I ended up at a bar across from her house for a party couldnt help but look over, but I was also moving on. I actually had a friend I've known for a while come up and ask me out at a party this past weekend and we're going out tonight, strange but an entirely different story. I'm really only going out with her because of the advice to just date and not decide beforehand, like you just suggested oppath.

 

It was running into the ex last night and how she acted that really put me back into a tailspin because all the resolutions I had come to and accepted were thrown out. If she's really like that then I was a sucker and there can't be any truth to her going back to an ex if she writes people off like that, etc. etc.

 

As a side note she popped up about an hour ago on IM saying see I know your IM, how could I forget. We did our normal chatting like always for about 30 mins before she seems to have gotten busy/stopped typing. Don't know what to make of that other than maybe she feels guilty for last night.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I'd say I've had about 9 or 10 girlfriends that I'd "count", I space them out sometimes purposely so that I dont just bounce from one to the next. I've always seen that as unfair to me and whomever I would date. They've ranged from about a month to up to seven. Usually they last about 3-4 months on average, two about 6 and two about one. I usually decide fairly quickly if I want to date someone or not, often before ever even asking them out. If they dont peak my interest or do whatever that "thing" is that makes me see them differently I dont consider dating them. I just kinda know if I can see myself with them or not, and in this case if she's like how she was last night its the first time I've ever misjudged someone so completely. Another reason that last night really got to me. I've been told a lot that the way I date is a problem cause it means that I only go into relationships with two outcomes....bad breakup or long term.

 

I'll check out that book Cali. You're right in those tendencies are out there because I'm usually fairly easy going. I've gotten better about that a bit lately with friends and girlfriends by calling them out if something does bother me and not letting it stew. Such as me bringing up that it bugged me how she acted with her friend that night (in an earlier post), normally I may have let that slide rather than risk breaking up.

 

Also I may have given the impression that I've spent the gap in posts stewing about this which isnt completely the case. Sure I think about her and sometimes did look at IM to see if she was on or when I ended up at a bar across from her house for a party couldnt help but look over, but I was also moving on. I actually had a friend I've known for a while come up and ask me out at a party this past weekend and we're going out tonight, strange but an entirely different story. It was running into her last night and how she acted that really put me back into a tailspin because all the resolutions I had come to and accepted were thrown out. If she's really like that then I was a sucker and there can't be any truth to her going back to an ex if she writes people off like that, etc. etc.

 

As a side note she popped up about an hour ago on IM saying see I know your IM, how could I forget. We did our normal chatting like always for about 30 mins before she seems to have gotten busy/stopped typing. Don't know what to make of that other than maybe she feels guilty for last night.

 

Why are you even trying to be friends with the girl who treats you like garbage, she's immature and disrespectful. not only should you not talk to her, you should erase her as well. She treats you like garbage and you want to go back? WTF?

 

You need closure then fine, get it but leave her alone she isnt worth your time Jknox.

[Art_Critic]

You need to put this in perspective..

You didn't even date her a month..

 

I have had colds last longer than that...

 

 

Block and Delete her.... You will feel much better when you do that