Impudent Oyster Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 End your affair with him and don't settle to be the OW in his life. Tell him goodbye, go no contact and to call and show you the proof when the divorce papers are signed and then date him. If you stay in his life as the OW he won't leave his wife, he'll just enjoy having a wife at home and an OW on the side. If he leaves his wife, then he loves you more and can't live without you. If he stays married, well, obviously he loves his wife more and doesn't want to give up his life as he knows it for you. Bingo, we have a winner. Anything less and he's stringing you along...remember, talk is cheap and it's easy to make promises.
Impudent Oyster Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 I would not disrespect my OW by asking her to participate in an A with me. She was not the sort of woman that deserved anything less than to be my first priority. EXACTLY! If he loves you we will respect you enough not to be the other woman, he will make you the only woman.
White Flower Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 EXACTLY! If he loves you we will respect you enough not to be the other woman, he will make you the only woman. Now doesn't that sound like music to your ears, OW? (Except those who like being OW) I wish OW meant Only Woman...
wizer Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 On how to know if your MM is one of the good ones (really loves you, really plans to leave W for you) or if he's one of the bad ones who lie like crazy, has multiple OW's, and it's all a big game to him. If he's a cheater then by his very nature he cannot be trusted. It's like walking into a jail and saying, "which one of these guys is a law abiding citizen." Your question is meaningless and nonsensical and indicates your level of denial. There are enough single guys out there that you dont need to waste your time with a guy who is married, and contribute to the demise of another marriage.
JamesM Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 AP said it best..."if he is in an affair, he is not one of the good ones." And as simplistic as it sounds, it is the quickest way to find out if he is one. I think WWIU said it, too, but if you tell him that you will be waiting for him after his divorce, then you will see his true colors. Does he move towards divorce or is he suddenly full of excuses or hesitant to push for divorce? Does he say that he will move out in (time period) but doesn't put an exact date to it? Or does he say that he would do it but he doesn't want to hurt the kids? Or does he say that he doesn't want to hurt his wife? It all comes down to priority...is it you or is it his wife?
child_of_isis Posted November 19, 2007 Posted November 19, 2007 Bingo! The only time "divorce entails leaving your children" is when MM chooses W over OW. MM goes crying to OW with the child excuse. I am a firm believer MM uses this when he thinks there is a possibility of OW busting his butt. I mean come on...it is hard to hate (and retaliate against)a man who would give up the LOVE OF HIS LIFE, HIS SOUL MATE..... for his children. See how that works? ;-) Neither does getting divorced entail 'leaving your children'. .
echo337 Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 to me there aren't good and bad guys. it would be nice if it was all cut and dry and the signs from one relationship could determine the destination of another... but none of us can tell you if he will or won't leave his wife... every situation is different. you just have to be strong and decide if YOU want to be with him for the rest of your life and in what capacity. it is his decision to stay with or leave his wife, but it is also yours to stay with him if he doesn't. being the ow is exciting and there can be a lot of love in it, but it is also stressful...
Ms_Natalie Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 It's just sometimes I make the mistake of looking on the internet and reading horror stories of women having affairs with MM who get unbelievably tricked and fooled and they never saw any signs or clues that he was lying and stringing them along the whole time. Sweetheart, the internet can hold terrifying stories if you wanna hear them. I looked up symptoms of headaches and in the end I thought I was dying of some horrible disease... Anyway, I think his history is highly important to know how he will treat you. If he has had a pretty good marriage then you must ask yourself "is it love or lust?" This question had me going for nearly a year until I finally gave my heart to him. If his W has treated him badly there is a fantastic chance that he truly loves you and wants to be with you. Someone who is in love with you, will truly show it: they'll call you when they say they will, they treat you perfectly. Sometimes the most undesirable circumstances are often the best. If he makes you happy and you love him with all your heart, by all means be wary, but try to trust him. Otherwise, you could end up pushing a decent, beautiful man away with anxieties and trust issues... Time will indeed tell.... (btw, i met my partner 3 years ago, he had been married for 17 years, 3 children and I am 17 years younger than him. (Not the best circumstances) We have just bought a house together and I am the happiest I've ever been. He treats me perfectly. It has taken me a while to completely understand that he will never leave me for his EW even though they spent so many years together...but after many a heated debate on the topic, he has finally made me understand and realise that we are perfect for each other) you will know if he is being honest...trust me, you will know
indianlover Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 On how to know if your MM is one of the good ones (really loves you, really plans to leave W for you) or if he's one of the bad ones who lie like crazy, has multiple OW's, and it's all a big game to him. I don't know. Everyone here knows MM lie a lot. The one peice of evidence I hold to is that my MM when we first kissed was the worst kisser I have ever kissed. No joke, I mean really bad. No matter how I try to wrap my mind around it - there is no way this guy had an affair before and didn't have his kissing style corrected. But, I agree, you can't trust what they say. They aim to please so asking any probing questions about you/the A/the W will only get you answers he thinks you want to hear. Heck, its no different in 'real' R - the boyfriend also wants to make you happy.
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