missmebaby Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 ive posted many times before about my ex and i who broke up about 2 1/2 months ago. after we broke up he said a ton of hurtful things to me saying im not attractive and the sex with me was bad and he never really loved me. we got into a huge hurtful argument and i didnt talk to him for a month. i called him a few times then and he kept saying things to hurt my feelings and make me jealous. he would talk to me for at least an hour, sometimes 2 hours. i just wanted to be friends but he kept saying there was no reason for us to be friends and when he was done with somebody he was just done and didnt want to see or talk to them again. so i stopped calling him. a couple weeks later he actually started calling me. he was asking how my family was and what ive been up to, and if ive been dating anyone. he was acting jealous and saying things to make me jealous. i noticed a big difference in him...he wasnt saying hurtful things to me, he was being much nicer and acting interested in me. i thought maybe he was starting to miss me. over the next couple weeks he was calling me 1-3 times a week either on his break at work, on the drive home, or at night before he went to bed. well sunday night i was bored so i called him and we talked for a long time. he said something about the some CDs of his that i still had. he had never cared about them before so i figured he was trying to think of a way to see me. he said he really wanted them back and i should bring them over. well he called me the next day asking me to bring them over sometime soon. so i told him i would tonight. well i went over there and he was being so nice to me...i was cold so he held me and held my hands between his to warm them up. he told me i looked like i had lost some weight and i looked better. then he started kissing me and things progressed from there. i thought maybe he wanted to get back together. i wasnt sure if i did because of all the bad things i hated about him and because of how he treated me after we broke up. but i was also curious as to why he was acting differently. we didnt have sex, he kept trying but i refused. he was just kissing me all over and i ended up giving him a blowjob. as soon as it was over he said "that was the best one you've ever given me." then he said "ok go home now." i thought he was just joking but he said "no seriously im hungry, go home." i was like "what the hell? you're an a*shole." i put all my clothes on and said "so thats how its gonna be?" he said "i just wanted my cds back." i still wasnt sure if he was joking so i tried to get back in bed but wouldnt let me and he said "no im making food and going to bed." i was on the verge of tears so i just walked out. as i was shutting the door i heard him say "thanks." i couldnt believe it...i cried the whole way home. i was so mad at myself for doing that and for thinking he missed me. i was furious at him for being so totally heartless and for using me like that. i made myself look like a total idiot and the whole time he had this planned out. for what? so he could get some? so he could see if i still wanted him? to make me so mad that i would stop talking to him? i dont think i will ever forgive myself or him for this.
Lee725 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 i couldnt believe it...i cried the whole way home. i was so mad at myself for doing that and for thinking he missed me. i was furious at him for being so totally heartless and for using me like that. i made myself look like a total idiot and the whole time he had this planned out. for what? so he could get some? so he could see if i still wanted him? to make me so mad that i would stop talking to him? i dont think i will ever forgive myself or him for this. Oh i am so sorry that you are hurting like this and this has happened to you. What you did - is the same thing that a lot of people would do in your situation. In the past i have been guilty of having sex (not just BJ) with an ex in the hope that we would get back together. (did not work - got virtually same treatment) He is heartless, a pig, an *********. No matter what has happened in the past there is no justification for treating you that way. He knew that you still wanted him and he did use you. Please forgive yourself. Please remember that you are not the only one who has done this and there is absolutely no need for you to beat yourself up over it. Be angry at him by all means, but dont be too hard on yourself. The sense of degradation which you feel now is normal, you have pleasured him only to have him disregard it and push you out. The sense of being used is justified. NC Honey, NC all the way, get this useless piece of skin out of your life. You deserve better, you command better, and you will find better.
vivrantflo Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Oh wow, that guy is a prick.. my goodness that was evil.. You can't be angry at yourself.. he was playing with your emotions, and it takes a heartless rat to do something like that. I know that hurts, but the only thing you should do now, is give back ANYTHING else you have that's his, drop it off, and go NC with this guy for life.. seriously.. This guy has SERIOUS self esteem issues.. he puts you down.. says the sex was bad (yet he tried to sleep with you again) calls you un attractive? He's a goof, and he will regret how he's been treating you. NC NC NC, all the way.. you don't want this human piece of garbage in your life! P.S. if that's you in the picture, you have a gorgeous smile! Your ex is nuts..
melodymatters Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 You poor thing. That was a HORRIBLE story !!! I guess the only bright side is that you now know that this is an evil, sadistic piece of sh*t who is not worth running over with your car, let alone a single tear ! YOU did nothing wrong, HE sounds like a SICK guy. You can and should forgive yourself, that situation is akin to date rape almost, in that he played with your head and feelings, manipulated you, and then made the choice to hurt you in the cruelest way he could. this guy frightens me...actually he doesn't, I'd like introduce him to a certain peice of swampland I'm familiar with and let the gators have an early thanksgiving !!!!!!!
brothermartin Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Normally I wouldnt suggest revenge in this case, and Im not now. But, if one were so inclined, one might consider pounds of ball-bearings in the gas tank, or super glue in the door locks, if one were so inclined. Needless to say that this,.."person" deserves no less than revenge, I cannot advocate any of the aboved mentioned. All that said, Im sorry for the pain this,..."person" has put you through honey. You sound like a very caring and loving woman that deserves to be treated as such. Dont let this bring you down to self hate, hes not worth your tears.
Crestfallen_KH Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 OH man. Please, please, please don't beat yourself up over this! That has been and could be SO many of us. When you love someone, you behave in loving ways. That is ALL you did. If I were in your situation, I have no doubt I would not have behaved differently had my STBXH even given me ANY hopes of reconciliation. And I'm 33, and pride myself on being a smart cookie. I agree, completely cut this guy off and ignore any of his calls. Any further communication with him will just feed the feeling that you have been used. If you respond, you are teaching him how he can continue to treat you. By cutting him off, not only will that help you regain your self-esteem, but you will be teaching him a valuable lesson on how IMPORTANT and VALUABLE you really are. Please take care of yourself. We all wish you well!!!
Citizen Erased Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 oh wow, this guy is... no words I can say on here can describe him. I am so sorry sweetie Don't be down on yourself, no-one would have expected anyone to treat them this disgustingly.
Author missmebaby Posted November 15, 2007 Author Posted November 15, 2007 yea if you only could of heard the things he was saying to me for about a week before this happened. he was leading me on to think that he wanted to get back together. he just seemed like he cared so much about me again. he invited me to come over at 7:00 just like i used to do when we were together because it gave us plenty of time to spend together, and he even called me before i left to come over and he told me to hurry because he couldnt wait to see me. when i got there he was cuddling with me and flirting with me just like he did when we were together. i thought for sure that he wanted me back....i cant believe how wrong i was. you should have seen his face after he told me to leave and i thought he was just joking and tried to get back into bed with him. he put his leg out and pushed me away and got this really scary look on his face and said "NO go home!" thats where i almost broke down into tears and i just had to get out of there. i would of loved to give him a piece of my mind but i didnt want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. the whole rest of the night i kept thinking he was going to call and apologize or say he was just joking. but i havent heard from him. do you think he will try to contact me again soon? or will i never hear from him again? trust me im not going to talk to him either way but im curious as to whether he will call or not...i would just like to know what to expect
underpants Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Yes Missme, He will call again. He is will repeat his pattern of behaviour with you over and over and over again. Just as he has done all along. This is in part because you allow it. Someplace inside of you...you know that he is not good for you. When you get tired of being treating like crap YOU will end it (and not look back). I just hope for your sake you make this realization before you incur more pain. You choose too, you know. You choose who to associate with and what treatment you will stand for and when it is okay to walk away.
Trialbyfire Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 His actions don't appear to be simply one of usage. It smacks of denigration for the purposes of revenge. Your breakup argument must have been knock-down, drag-out, no holds barred style. I agree that you're the only person who can stop anyone from using you. You decide how much abusive treatment you're willing to put up with before you're finally ready to dust yourself off and walk away. No more taking calls or responding via text or emails. You'd be nuts to accept anything more from this guy.
loquaciousl Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I am so sorry you're going through this....what a self serving p.o.s. Do you believe in karma? I do, and payback is a beatch. Also, you can do autoreject through your phone where if he tries to call it won't let him through. I broke up with my bf three weeks ago, (or actually him with me) and he said some nasty things afterwards. So, I blocked him. Which is healthy, trust me. Msg. me if you need to talk. Hang in there, we can do this....we're better than this.
Author missmebaby Posted November 15, 2007 Author Posted November 15, 2007 horrible day =( im just so so so lonely. i hate my life right now. i want to be happy, thats all i want. but i hate being single, all my girl friends are either pregnant, married, works alot, or spends all their time with their boyfriend. its the hardest thing to find anyone to do anything with or go out with. any guy friends i make ditch me as soon as they figure out i just want to be friends and not date them. ive found that ive become very picky with what men i like as far as looks, body type, and common interests, so i feel like ill never be able to find a guy that im satisfied with. i hate feeling so alone. it seems like everywhere i look everyone is in a relationship. alls i want to do is find that one person and settle down. im only 21 but i would love to find the person im going to marry. i think back on all the memories ive had with my ex and it kills me. things were so good at one point, what the hell happened?? i was so happy, he was so happy. he was so good to me. it feels like it was all just a dream. i can see it all clearly in my head, everything we did together. the memories are the hardest part....knowing that i had him at one point and i let him get away. i would give anything to go back to that, or at least find something like that again. and knowing that he doesnt even care if he ever sees me or talks to me again, doesnt he remember how much he cared about me? doesnt he ever think about what things used to be like?? why does no one ever miss me when we break up? i try so hard to be a great, supportive, loving girlfriend and when its over its like they never even care if i live or die.
melodymatters Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 yeah, ok, and then great guy that he is, he pulls that sadistic crap on you ! I'm sorry to be harsh, but I don't care if a guy in mentally healthy, mature and kind 95% of the time, if the other 5% he's evil and sick ! I mean hell, I'm not great with math, but that would be APROXIMATELY 3 weeks a year of acting like a psycopath ? Two hrs a day of humiliating you and watching you cry ? Gee, is that really ok with you ??? This is not " he lost his temper and punched a hole in the drywall " ( as immature as that would be) THIS is sick, scary evilness that reminds me of the guy who tried to date rape me in college. YOU ARE NOT MISSING ANYTHING. And 22.....I know it's hard now, but you have EVER so much time to find a good guy and have babies !!! I'm 40 and single again, and I'M not panicking !!! Good luck !
niceguy27 Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 DONT YOU DARE THINK YOURE STUPID!!!!! What happened should show you that you have a heart and are a caring indv. Him on the other hand...He completely took advantage of you. 100%. Especially when HE got miffed about you not having sex with him. And for him to kick you out like that?? Screw him. From your pic you are a very attractive girl. Separate yourself from him in all aspects. If you want to hold onto some memories thats fine. Tuck them away in a safe corner of yourself but remind yourself of the things hes done to you. Get angry at him for what he did. If he did a lot of nice things, just keep remembering how bad he made you feel. Dont for one minute think that your stupid or less of a person. Your only mistake was to trust him again with your heart.
sderenzi Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Well let's put this in perspective. First you should see he actually finds you attractive hence why he used you for the BJ. He thinks you're sexy and worth his time, even though later he asked that you leave. Secondly you do want womanly things, babies, etc. This is how he was able to exploit you for sex, he used your weakness against you, your desires. He probably doesn't want any of the same things you do which is odd, surely you noticed this earlier ehh? I don't blame him for using you for sex, if you're hot why wouldn't he, he's a man. The question is why you screwed around with him even though the relationship wasn't clearly defined... clearly for you sex means a relationship should naturally be implied, for him it doesn't. Beware of this in the future my dear lady.
melodymatters Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Well let's put this in perspective. First you should see he actually finds you attractive hence why he used you for the BJ. He thinks you're sexy and worth his time, even though later he asked that you leave. Secondly you do want womanly things, babies, etc. This is how he was able to exploit you for sex, he used your weakness against you, your desires. He probably doesn't want any of the same things you do which is odd, surely you noticed this earlier ehh? I don't blame him for using you for sex, if you're hot why wouldn't he, he's a man. The question is why you screwed around with him even though the relationship wasn't clearly defined... clearly for you sex means a relationship should naturally be implied, for him it doesn't. Beware of this in the future my dear lady. Did you even READ her post before you shared your almighty wisdom ? This was a bf, who after a break up, gave every sign that he cared about her and wanted her back. I would venture a guess and say 90% of us have had problems and gone back to someone. How he TREATED her that night was what was sick and unhealthy, and I don't see from her post, how she could have seen it coming. Hope you never come here needing compassion and get responses such as yours.
Star Gazer Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 yeah, ok, and then great guy that he is, he pulls that sadistic crap on you ! I'm sorry to be harsh, but I don't care if a guy in mentally healthy, mature and kind 95% of the time, if the other 5% he's evil and sick ! I mean hell, I'm not great with math, but that would be APPROXIMATELY 3 weeks a year of acting like a psychopath ? Two hrs a day of humiliating you and watching you cry ? Gee, is that really ok with you ??? This is not " he lost his temper and punched a hole in the drywall " ( as immature as that would be) THIS is sick, scary evilness that reminds me of the guy who tried to date rape me in college. YOU ARE NOT MISSING ANYTHING. And 22.....I know it's hard now, but you have EVER so much time to find a good guy and have babies !!! I'm 40 and single again, and I'M not panicking !!! Good luck ! Good post!! His actions don't appear to be simply one of usage. It smacks of denigration for the purposes of revenge. Your breakup argument must have been knock-down, drag-out, no holds barred style. Great point.
underpants Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 How he TREATED her that night was what was sick and unhealthy, and I don't see from her post, how she could have seen it coming. Actually, I have been following Missme's story for a while. If you read some previous threads there is definately a pattern going on. A very sick push pull. Not to say we all have not wished for more with someone who is not worth the effort. However, this guy is just a sick fk, who gets off on hurting her. Missme you also play a part in it by allowing it and by contacting him and by responding to him when he contacts you. Missme you are young and you have a bright future ahead of you IF you don't screw it up by continuing to validate this guy. You don't NEED a boyfriend. You need to be strong and like yourself on your own so you will attract a better element into your life. Maybe your nursing program offers some sort of counciling that can address some things that led you to choose to be attracted to abusive, dysfunctional and disturbed men?
sderenzi Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 Did you even READ her post before you shared your almighty wisdom ? This was a bf, who after a break up, gave every sign that he cared about her and wanted her back. I would venture a guess and say 90% of us have had problems and gone back to someone. How he TREATED her that night was what was sick and unhealthy, and I don't see from her post, how she could have seen it coming. Hope you never come here needing compassion and get responses such as yours. Lovely are your words however they are still wrong, the relations were ended basically and the thing was done.
Author missmebaby Posted November 16, 2007 Author Posted November 16, 2007 i just wanted to help him. i felt so bad for him that he has a crappy family and he has a mental problem and isnt happy. i brushed off his insults as being just another product of being so unhappy and mentally unstable so i figured he didnt really mean any of it and i forgave him. but he knows hes an a*shole and he thinks its funny. hes got to know that what hes doing is hurtful and wrong but its like he doesnt have a conscience and he doesnt ever feel bad. it makes him feel better about himself to see other people as unhappy as he is. i cant help but wonder what hes going to be like in the future, if he will end up having a good life and being truly happy and making someone else happy. im feeling a little better and even though it really sucks to know that someone that i cared about so much and was in love with and vice versa could do something so cruel to someone that was so good to him, and this is how i have to remember him for the rest of my life, i know that i need to cut him out of my life, learn from this, and move on. i cant help him, he doesnt want to be helped, and he will never change.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 any guy friends i make ditch me as soon as they figure out i just want to be friends and not date them. ive found that ive become very picky with what men i like as far as looks, body type, and common interests, so i feel like ill never be able to find a guy that im satisfied with. I've never met a guy that tells me he is looking for a shallow girl. When you open your eyes to see more than the outer shell others present to you... it's alot easier to find happiness. I'm not sure where your at on this currently. However I humbly submit this idea for you to consider.
oppath Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 You aren't stupid. And you wouldn't want him to say "I was just joking" either, because joking with someone's emotions is cruel. I have no doubt this man does care for you in some way. He likely misses you. However, he does not love you, at least not in a healthy way that you deserve, and he is not a man: real men don't put women they care about in emotionally precarious situations. Real men don't initiate sex with people they have hurt. I'm not saying they won't have sex with an ex who we know wants more -- we are dudes -- but we will not initiate, and we'll stop the woman and say "are you sure? Why would you want to be intimate with someone you love and want a relationship with who does not want the same with you?" Why do I say this? Because being a man requires possessing integrity. Claiming to care about someone put putting them in an emotionally vulnerable situation is not an action possessing integrity. If a guy breaks up with you...no sex, no nothing. Drop him from your life. Your attitude should be "he needs to go through hell and high water for me to even hang out with him." You are not stupid, you are a wonderful, caring person. THat is why this hurts so much, because you can't understand a world where someone who cares about you would treat you like you were an inanimate object. I'm the same way, I can't understand it either. It creates a huge dichotomy in the framework of my life. Understand, it has nothing to do with you. Nothing. I know how you feel: used and exploited, which is not how someone who cared about you would make you feel, therefore, it means you are unlovable and undeserving of love. That is not true. It is all about him. He's a douchebag.
sderenzi Posted November 16, 2007 Posted November 16, 2007 i know that i need to cut him out of my life, learn from this, and move on. i cant help him, he doesnt want to be helped, and he will never change. That's a good girl, just make sure you learn the right lesson. The thing you have to understand is all people are different in behaviors, another guy may very well have been acting that way for precisely the reason you suspected, this one however was not. A few things I'd suggest you learn are: 1. Don't expect sexual contact to lead to a relationship, this was your misconception here. 2. Don't have pity for someone you love, your pity blinded you to your own needs and made his all important, thus you felt sorry for him because of his family situation which lead to this incident. 3. Love will not come in a day, and true love will last while false love fails. That's the reason the relations here fell apart it wasn't true love. 4. Be a good gurl and give nice guys a chance, you know ones without all that emotional baggage and tramua, we are very lonely and without female companionship
Author missmebaby Posted November 17, 2007 Author Posted November 17, 2007 i also know its not HIM i miss, but just that feeling of being so attracted to someone and being so happy and in love. i miss the companionship, i miss having someone i can go out to dinner with, go to a movie, or just cuddle in bed and watch TV. without that i feel lonely and i guess i just wanted to take whatever i could get
sderenzi Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 i also know its not HIM i miss, but just that feeling of being so attracted to someone and being so happy and in love. i miss the companionship, i miss having someone i can go out to dinner with, go to a movie, or just cuddle in bed and watch TV. without that i feel lonely and i guess i just wanted to take whatever i could get Very good girl, now you can move onward. Be yourself and remember what you've said cuz it's right
Recommended Posts