Author burningman Posted November 15, 2007 Author Posted November 15, 2007 The company actually promotes the frat boy, party down, get bombed mentality. There is some level of her wanting to be "one of the boys" here, at least as far as the partying part goes.
Author burningman Posted November 15, 2007 Author Posted November 15, 2007 Mr Lucky, I don't get it either. That's why I am here. As of this morning, she still thinks there's a possibility that this guy is really her friend and just made a huge mistake. How she can even consider this is a remote possibility is beyond comprehension. Does ego/self esteem drive her that hard? Is it just taking forever for her to accept his actions? If so, why? Just doesn't add up.
Author burningman Posted November 15, 2007 Author Posted November 15, 2007 Even if this was as honest of a mistake as she wants to believe (which I doubt) don't I have the right to ask her to leave her job? I don't think I can deal with knowing these two work together in the same office.
scubafish Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Cobra: this is why I almost believe it. I'm scratching my head here too. We've had the conversation and she swears she couldn't be happier. We meet at the gym every day after work. Go running together, as one of my hobbies I cook her a gourmet dinner every night. I promise you that I have enough evidence that the physical part of it is a one time thing or she's way beter at this than the best player I know. I've dug through eberything looking for just one clue so I could come after her. Nothing there. well, I kinda had a life like that, everything was tooo perfect. too predictable. maybe she was interested in the excitement, or the thought that somebody else found her desirable. maybe you could see if she would want to change anything in the routine, take some fun classes, or new hobbies. then she can have something new to focus on. possibly, doing something new together would help you both get past this?
Bryanp Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Again if the roles were reversed do you honestly think your wife would buy you saying well she really is a good friend to me and just made a mistake in trying to molest me when I was drunk. Your wife's comments are simply unbelievable based on what she has told you. Her comments indicate again that more than likely she was probably a much more willing participant that she has let on. A woman who is virtually raped would be incensed, humiliated, and angry. I am sorry my friend but it simply does not add up and I know you know this also. Her comments are humiliating to you and says a great deal about her. I am sorry for you.
Mr. Lucky Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Mr Lucky, I don't get it either. That's why I am here. As of this morning, she still thinks there's a possibility that this guy is really her friend and just made a huge mistake. How she can even consider this is a remote possibility is beyond comprehension. Does ego/self esteem drive her that hard? Is it just taking forever for her to accept his actions? If so, why? Just doesn't add up. Unless they are pathological, people lie to protect something that is important to them. It doesn't seem that your wife is being truthful and so understanding what (or whom ) she's protecting might be the key here. Were it me, I'd put a stop to life as she knows it - no acting as husband and wife, no sleeping in the same bed, perhaps no living in the same house - until she comes clean... Mr. Lucky
Cobra_X30 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Unless they are pathological, people lie to protect something that is important to them. It doesn't seem that your wife is being truthful and so understanding what (or whom ) she's protecting might be the key here. Were it me, I'd put a stop to life as she knows it - no acting as husband and wife, no sleeping in the same bed, perhaps no living in the same house - until she comes clean... Mr. Lucky Your correct in that she needs to see consequences! She needs to understand what she lost, and what more she could lose! Often people only respond to consequences Mr Lucky, I don't get it either. That's why I am here. As of this morning, she still thinks there's a possibility that this guy is really her friend and just made a huge mistake. How she can even consider this is a remote possibility is beyond comprehension. Does ego/self esteem drive her that hard? Is it just taking forever for her to accept his actions? If so, why? Just doesn't add up. Just in case you didnt catch it. Lost4Ever made a very good point in that if she blames herself, she may not fully blame him for his actions. Thats consistent with someone who is insecure and doesnt really like themselves! It may also be time to let her know that the choice is Job or Marriage. Tough financial call, but its yours and yours alone to make! And she may resent you forcing that choice on her!
Author burningman Posted November 15, 2007 Author Posted November 15, 2007 Mr. lucky, I've thought this through and come up with 1. She's in denial that someone could treat her that way 2. in her mind she pulled a "slut move" and the guilt is killing her because she didn't know she had it in her, or 3. She had more of a thing for the guy than the one stand and she's afraid if I know I will leave her. ********************* All of these things could explain why there's still something missing and she wants to believe the guy was her friend. I've offered this up to her. I know we can get through this, but not without full disclosure. The guest bedroom has not been ruled out.
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