Jump to content

Ahhhhh I can't take this anymore!!I'm losing my mind


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

Hello again

 

I can't seem to get over the demise of my 8.5 year relationship! As some of you already know, its been 4.5 months since the split (I know- still early) and I can't stop thinking about the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I've tried everything since the split- hanging out with friends, staying busy (I'm in one of the most intense professional schools for crying out loud), NC, therapy, my GP, hypnotherapy(!), anti-depressants but NOTHING makes me feel better- not even slightly! And now that there's this woman he's slept with and continues to hang out with (tho he's said the sex will not happen again- ha!) my sadness and disappointment has gotten soooo much worse. I just don't know what more I can do. Moving on doesn't help- because I can't!!! We have the same friends which are super important to me right now b/c of their support. Time is all that will heal but god- I don't know if I can make it anymore. I'm not suicidal- I couldn't do that to the people I love and wouldn't want to- but I'm just so destroyed that all I want to do is sleep my life away.:eek:

Posted

that sucks.... are you still talking to him... seems that is part of the problem... going through the same thing my GF still wants to be friends... had to tell her this week.... I just can not do it any more... I can not hang out.... always makes me think there is a chance to get back together... when deep down I know there is not... so I have made the commitment to myself that for once I have to put myself first... and let her go....

 

Think that is the first step to letting go...

Posted

Oh Sahyna!!

My heart truly goes out to you.

I can feel your pain thru your post and it is severe.I only wish I could take some of that pain from you,if I could I would.

Sometimes I read posts telling us to look forward and move on,to say to ourselves,if they don't love us, they're not worth thinking about.

Well,easier said than done!! Are you supposed to wipe out 8.5 yrs just like that??!.I say NO!!.Don't care what our friends say,it's someone to lean on that you need,and will need until you do slowly heal,at your own pace.

I am going thru pain too,and thru reading your story, I can associate with you 100%.The smallest tasks becomes almost impossible.

If I was told I won the lottery,I wouldn't give a damn.

I feel like life will never be the same again.I know it will,eventually,but until then I'll make no excuses for feeling the way I do.

Please Sahyna look after yourself as best you can.

Nurture yourself,cry,embrace the pain until you no longer need to.

Don't try to live if you don't think you can.Just exist,and when you're ready to live again and make some lucky person very happy,then live again.

 

My thoughts go to you!

Buster

Posted

I use to be in the same situation 4yrs ago.... but i moved on!!!!

 

First of all i treated myself to a holiday and thought to myself 'he's lost something good and im better than this' CONFIDENTS REALLY WORKS' because guys are really drawn to that 'i loved the stearing, the compliments from other guys etc... it made me feel so much better 100percent!!!!!

 

I had to change my whole life style, i moved away not too far away, made new friends got a new job.... i know your thinking 'im not doing that this is my life' but it really works because you dont have the same constant things reminding you off him 'your mates etc..... new surroundings is a good thing and in most cases a positive change!!!!!

 

Well maybe it wont work for you..... but i hope i helped

  • Author
Posted

This is only my second day of my self-imposed NC and I'm completely dying inside. I've lost the love of my life. Why does it seem so much easier for him to deal with our split? He says whenever he thinks of me or sees something that reminds him of me he gets the gut-wrenching feeling but to know that its just not enough...he's not coming back. I know he's in contact with this woman often at least as friends but things can happen and its killing me!!!!

Posted

I can feel your pain thru your post and I am so sorry you are going thru this. 8.5 yrs is a LONG time and it will take a long while to get over. I think the best thing you can do is NC. Honestly it hurts like h*ll but it works. seeing him around, and knowing what he's up to (and that he's hanging out with some other woman and he slept with her and keeping tabs on whether he does it again) is just like taking a knife to a wound thats trying to heal and plunging that knife in it to make it bleed again.

 

If you are sure he isn't coming back then NC is the best thing you can do for yourself. NC is rough, Im not going to lie and I have only been thru about a month of it. Stay strong

Posted

I'm sorry you're in so much pain over this. But this girl he's with now is really nothing more than a cheap replacement of you. He's using her to fill the void of not having you in his life.

 

When he says he's gut-wrenched but knows it's not enough what does he mean by that? :confused:

Posted

Honey he KNOWS you are sitting there waiting for him, so why not go and have fun with this other woman. Then when he is tired of her and sees she has flaws too, he will miss you and YOU WILL BE THERE for him and take him back.

 

When my H and I split (we were not married yet, but lived together 7 years) I cried did not know what to do for a month, THEN I started going out, stopped calling him etc....he heard I was seeing (hanging out ) with another man and freaked out, cried and cried and came crawling back !

 

So, you see when they know you want them, they do not want you.....go out, have fun, when he calls act like you are doing GREAT without him. Tell him sorry to cut you short, but I am walking out the door, then say can I call you later or tomorrow? If he says yes sure...so OK, then DO NOT CALL HIM BACK AT ALL. It will be hard, but it will work I promise !

Posted

Feeling your pain!!

Only been a few weeks for me, and although it was me who ended it, pain is still there!

 

Trying to look forward, but due to my little girls got to keep reasonable contact!

 

I will get through this, it might take weeks months whatever, but life is way too short. Had started working out, going to boxing lessons and all before we split and now just concentrate my energy on that and my girls - besides when i come to the realisation that not all women are money grabbing users, that suck all the fun and life out of you - I'll be in good shape and confident to start all over again!

Posted

Feel you pain

 

{{{{hugs}}}}

 

I am just hoping aswell as reassured from others on here that it does pass, in time and with focus. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, me and all in similar boats.

Posted

Don't give him the power....

 

You control your life, he doesn't. By letting these thoughts get to you, you are giving your feelings, emotions and esstentially you life to a person who doesn't care how it works out for you.

 

You have the power to change your situation, and only you. There's a old Disco song (ok shhhhh, so I listen to old disco). One of the phrases are.

 

"I know my value, and its worth more than gold. I'll find someone to hold me and its only a matter of time. It's your loss not mine, just treat me right.

 

Never have truer words been spoken.

 

Hope this helps.

Posted

I am going through a similar situation with my wife of 16yrs leaving me 5 months ago. I realised a month and 1/2 ago that there are things you just cant change in life. I was no longer going to be plan 'B' if her current situation didnt pan out for her. Take the power back. Take control of your own destiny. Move on. Will it be easy? No, of course not. Can you do it? Absolutely, with help from your friends here, you, and all of us can get through this.

Posted

Hi Shayna

 

I know EXACTLY how you feel, been there, done that, ate the t-shirt.

My husband left in June, he is/was having a relationship with a MW, I have no idea whether or not it is still going on, what I do know is that he says he is not coming back.

 

My family and friends were and still are a tower of strength, and I love them all the more for it, no one told me to move on apart from the OW, yes I called her, wasn't abusive, just needed answers, she denied everything of course apart from that she was in love with him. This ripped my heart out, and she had the nerve to tell me to move on.

 

You need to go through all the stages, it's grief you are feeling, and this will pass and change to anger, resentment and acceptance. I'm jumping between all of these at the moment, depending on how hormonal I am.

 

You are feeling natural feelings, and if someone told me 5 months ago that today I would be able to go back to work, go out with friends and actually really enjoy myself, I'd have laughed in their face.

 

What I did to get to this stage were to firstly accept the help and support of my friends and family, I felt I was a burden, something they had to keep reassuring me I wasn't.

I made an appointment to see a counsellor, someone to listen to me, who wasn't involved, some days I cried for the whole session, some days I spoke constantly.

I went to see my doctor and was given a mild anti-depressant dose, I was ok with this until last month I realised that I was still very tearful, needed a repeat prescription anyway and went back to doc, he doubled my dose. It's still not a strong dose (20mg Citalopram), but I am sure the medication, and time have helped me a great deal.

 

I do not know what the future holds for me and my husband, I would love to say that he will come back to me, realising what he was missing, and we grow old together, that is my wish.

 

Till that may or may not happen, every time he calls round, which is about once every 2 weeks or so, I am looking my best, I am cheery and friendly, but I'm not his friend, I've made that clear to him. The house will always look nice and comfortable and welcoming, and I keep my chin up while he is there.

 

I look better now than I have for a long time.

 

Crying and pleading will put up a barrier from him, I've seen it happen, no emotion from him when I did that. I've read every self help book I can find, been on loads of forums, these all help a great deal.

 

Please try to look after yourself, consider counselling, consider going back to your doc, make sure you eat well, and take all the help and support from your family and friends that they offer, you are not a burden, they want to help.

 

You'll get through this, you will, believe it.

 

I'm sending you hugs, god knows, I needed them loads and still do, sorry it's only virtual ones. (((((((HUGS)))))))

  • Author
Posted

Thanks guys. I just can't see myself getting thru this. I want to maintain NC but I just can't. Sometimes I feel I can do this but then I find he's planning on spending time with her and some other of our friends- and it makes me so anxious again. I love him so much- I can't picture my life without him in it as my partner. I believe he probably wants to stay away (I know he is frustrated) but I seem to somehow manage to speak with him anyway and he's too nice to just walk away or ignore my emails. This is probably because we share the same friends- he doesn't want them to think badly of him I imagine. Or maybe he still does care- who knows its hard to figure out what he's really thinking. I know we are finished but I want to go out of this knowing for sure that I'm among the more special people in his life- that I can't be moved on from so easily and quickly. I've asked him this many times and he always says he hasn't moved on, he does still miss me so much that it hurts blah blah blah but how can he just spend so much time with her if that's true????

Posted

I still maintain that 8.5 years is a chunk off anyone's life. Except we are talking about over 50's. I have no doubt that you're a special person to him. Your relationship wouldnt have lasted 8.5 years if it wasnt. I have brothers and many male friends----from what iv gathered, men are able to put emotions aside and get on with their lives. The fact that he is seeing this woman doesnt imply he has moved on. Trust me if he had moved on, he wouldnt tell you had hadnt. If he had moved on he wouldnt feel the need to assure you that he hasnt. He would be too busy enjoying his new partner. Look men can be callous (not being sterotypical here). I can 99.9 percent say that if this guy had moved on, he wouldnt be so available. Many of us tend to think "Oh yeah this guy is sleeping with that woman so he's moved on". I think moving on requires a bit more than casual sex or good company. Yea he is having fun, enjoying himself but to assume he doesnt care one bit about you is a bit far fetched. And i say again, men are capable of having emotionless sex. Its the women they actaully commit to that stand out.

 

The truth is if this man genuinely loves you...he will test the waters (which will hurt you as you will witness him do things he is doing now or even get into defined relationships) however will realise that you are distinct from others and will return. Its that simple yet so complicated ... i know. Im sorry you're in such a tight positon.

Posted

p.s- don't tell yourself you can't get through it...because you can!!!! If he can live without you, you can live without him.

If he is meant for you, you will inevitably reunite. But if he isnt, then it may never be. No one can say for a fact. But in the mean time you need to try to get yourself together. I know you are frustrated but you can and will get through this tough period. Even though you may not believe so now.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks Sunnylady- what you said pulled me thru the weekend and my day yesterday was not as bad as all the others have been. I just needed to hear some positivitiy among all the bad...The ex and I spoke Sat eve and I heard what I wanted to hear (among a few of the bad but already know blurbs). Today is yet another bad day- but because I'm sticking to NC as of Sat I hope there will be less and less...

×
×
  • Create New...