whichwayisup Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Here's a hypothecal question: If exMM's wife asks you again what happened between the two of you, what would you say? How would you handle it? Let your H speak to her, or would you both speak to her, or would you all get together (exMM included) and have that conversation. Just giving you something to think about, I mean, one day she may really wonder why the distance, the friendship isn't there like it was before and she could ask again. Little sidenote - Hey Owl! Check out DazednConfused update in infidelity section, though he's now dazed1.
Owl Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Owl, if I were in her shoe's Honestly I would want to know. If you knew that your H wouldn't tell the truth, would you have wanted the other woman to tell you?
Author Meaplus3 Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 Here's a hypothecal question: If exMM's wife asks you again what happened between the two of you, what would you say? How would you handle it? Let your H speak to her, or would you both speak to her, or would you all get together (exMM included) and have that conversation. Just giving you something to think about, I mean, one day she may really wonder why the distance, the friendship isn't there like it was before and she could ask again. Little sidenote - Hey Owl! Check out DazednConfused update in infidelity section, though he's now dazed1. Whichway, Your right. She could wonder about the distance and friendship but it's been one year since we have gotten together, so I'm sure she has drawn he own conclusion's. If she asked me again I would choose to have us all sit down like adult's and discuss it! In a way I think what has happened here is mm told her I was the one with the attraction and feeling's and he had NO attraction to me nor feeling's and she has believed him even though that was not the case!!
Author Meaplus3 Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 If you knew that your H wouldn't tell the truth, would you have wanted the other woman to tell you? Not sure I would want to her it from the OW. AP:)
Owl Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Let me rephrase it... Would you rather not know, than to have OW tell you? And...I won't pursue this further. Its something that you've decided, and are apparently happy with. Glad to hear that you and your husband are recovering well. Good luck to you.
Author Meaplus3 Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 Let me rephrase it... Would you rather not know, than to have OW tell you? And...I won't pursue this further. Its something that you've decided, and are apparently happy with. Glad to hear that you and your husband are recovering well. Good luck to you. Oh Owl your killing me here! :pI don't know? I just hope to god that I'm never faced with the situation. All I know is right now I'm in a much better place with this whole ea thing that I got myself into. My H and I still have a ton of work in order to have equire the happiness that we once felt. All I know is it took me one year after exposing the ea to my H, to even consider MC. I think the time I spent alone with my therapsit was good for me to sort out the "Feeling"'s I had for mm. I could not commit to working on my marriage until the ea was behind me and now it is! If you have another question for me feel free to ask, It's ok. AP:)
Ladyjane14 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I could not commit to working on my marriage until the ea was behind me and now it is! Not to disagree with my venerable old friend, Owl. (Hi Owl! Good to see you)... but, I think opening this can of worms now would reintroduce drama, which is just energy for affair addictions. I mean, if it was a necessary step in order to "burn the bridge" back to the affair.. then that's one thing. If it's a matter of clearing your conscience for your own sake, then you have to ask yourself if you're doing it at another's expense. Because... regardless of how much we speculate on whether the betrayed spouse would want to know or not... she's not here to answer the question. Right now, you're in a pretty good place. The kids are in a pretty good place. And the neighbor's problems are just that... theirs. Not sure if it's the best moral answer, but I think if it were me, I'd take my conscience up with God. It's just too hard to say what the right answer would be when you're asking somebody else's question.
whichwayisup Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 my venerable old friend, Owl. Aka WISE Owl. (See, I know he hates it when I call him that! hehe)
Author Meaplus3 Posted November 15, 2007 Author Posted November 15, 2007 Not to disagree with my venerable old friend, Owl. (Hi Owl! Good to see you)... but, I think opening this can of worms now would reintroduce drama, which is just energy for affair addictions. I mean, if it was a necessary step in order to "burn the bridge" back to the affair.. then that's one thing. If it's a matter of clearing your conscience for your own sake, then you have to ask yourself if you're doing it at another's expense. Because... regardless of how much we speculate on whether the betrayed spouse would want to know or not... she's not here to answer the question. Right now, you're in a pretty good place. The kids are in a pretty good place. And the neighbor's problems are just that... theirs. Not sure if it's the best moral answer, but I think if it were me, I'd take my conscience up with God. It's just too hard to say what the right answer would be when you're asking somebody else's question.[/quote I will tell you this. I am a Catholic woman. What I did with mm is a big sin. I have realized that I had an addiction to this mm and I have just about overcome it. I have to let go of my anger as to why I got involved. This has lead me to a prayer that a good friend of mine has told me about. It's a prayer for people who need to overcome an addiction. Since I never had a drug or Alcohol habit, I did not see the meaning, but now I do. I say have said this prayer every day for the last 6 month'd and it's worked wonder's for me, along with my faith in god and the support form my H an friends, sure you have heard it before! [FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. [/FONT] [FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.[/FONT] [FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif][sIZE=-1]--Reinhold Niebuhr[/sIZE][/FONT]
Ladyjane14 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I will tell you this. I am a Catholic woman. What I did with mm is a big sin. I have realized that I had an addiction to this mm and I have just about overcome it. I have to let go of my anger as to why I got involved. This has lead me to a prayer that a good friend of mine has told me about. It's a prayer for people who need to overcome an addiction. Since I never had a drug or Alcohol habit, I did not see the meaning, but now I do. I say have said this prayer every day for the last 6 month'd and it's worked wonder's for me, along with my faith in god and the support form my H an friends, sure you have heard it before! God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. I like that one too. And you know... if you're in a good place, I just don't see any reason why you can't rely on God to deal with the MM as He sees fit.
PoshPrincess Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 TF- Well, who's place WOULD it be to tell MM's W, if NOT AP's? Part of healing is making amends for the damage you've caused to others. This would be part of it. Yes, MM was the PRIMARY source of pain to his BW, but AP was absolutely part of it as well. You agree that the wife should know...so who do you think should tell her? MM? Of course he won't...that would force him to face responsibility for his actions when he's successfully avoided that for over a year. Won't ever happen. So how else would his BW be told the truth? AP, just so you understand, I'm not in any way 'condemning' you. You've done the right thing in ending the EA, and in reconciling with your BH. That's NOT easy...and absolutely do I applaud that you've done so. I'm simply pointing out that there's still one person in this situation who is blithely unaware of the truth, and is STILL living in this lie that the EA created. And she's got the same right to the truth as your BH has/had. Someone needs to tell her the truth... If not you...then who? Only MM should tell. I don't think it would be healthy for AP or her H to start raking over old ground. Maybe she should have owned up when confronted by the W, but she didn't, and now it's done and dusted. Yes, absolutely the MMs W deserves to know the truth but, you know what? Some W (and H) don't want to know! They want to bury their heads in the sand and pretend that everything's ok because it's easier that way. HE should own up but no, you're right, it isn't particularly likely, is it? AP, well done. You have come such a long way. I am SO proud of you!!! ((((HUGS))))
PoshPrincess Posted November 17, 2007 Posted November 17, 2007 Let me rephrase it... Would you rather not know, than to have OW tell you? Sometimes ignorance is bliss.........IF it is ONE mistake that the MM is genuinely remorseful for, that is. However, it seems to me that APs MM may have a history of this, or may not have learned his lesson. His W has had her suspicions. I think if she really wants to know then she will find out for herself eventually.
Author Meaplus3 Posted November 17, 2007 Author Posted November 17, 2007 Posh, Thank's for your sweet word's! You are the best, best best!!! :)((((((hug's))))) forever to you my great friend!! AP:)
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