Author LostinBama Posted December 15, 2007 Author Posted December 15, 2007 Progressing through the five stages of grief is only part of it, and its the totality and combination of all the mental and emotional anguish combined that can really do you in? To get through this, you've really got to work your azz off. You've got to recognize not only the five stages of grief, but what this does to your self worth, self esteem in all your personages and roles (husband, lover, father, care-giver, etc) Because your STBXW has chossen to participate in an extramarital affair does not diminish you as a person nor an individual in any sense of the word, nor in any of your roles in life. Indeed! Its her whose self worth and value is diminished. In her guilt she may attempt a multitude of strategties ~ such as blaming you for the affiar, because of something you did or didn't say or do? Don't buy into it! And don't buy into her BS that you should of, could of, would of I know your angry, hurt, lost, dazed and confussed ~ but what is your next step. Is she still in the martial home? Is she still moving out in Jan? She spent the last two nights away as I told her to leave. I meant permanently. She said that I kicked her out. I would have loved to, but legally I know I cannot till the divorce is final. Things are getting bizarre and the latest example is the actions that happened last night. I went to bed and was laying there trying to fall to sleep and she came home with deputies in tow. She had a police escort and who knows what she told them but they were banging on my bedroom door telling me to be calm and come out peaceable. I just layed there and figured that I would just let them bash the door down. They did not, and left after about 5 or 10 minutes with my wife. I do not know what she thought she was accomplishing or why she did it, but maybe to establish a motive of fear for some future action. At this point, I just want her to leave and I think it would be best for everyone if she did just that. The day I learned of the affair I told her to just go and I would pack her POD when it came and she refused. Now she is playing a dangerous game with the police and I think it is going to backfire. I think she is headed for self destruction and now I am seeing the beginnings. I spoke with her this morning and she said that she was afraid I would do something to her. I have never done anything before, so I doubt she really believed that. However, I do not know her anymore and think she has left the land of reality. Our daughter is coming home for the holidays and my STBX is coming home after work tonight and I told her that we need to talk. My goal is to try to defuse the situation for my daughter’s sake. My wife told me that our daughter is sick of the whole thing and I do not want to alienate her over this mess, so I will do whatever to preserve the peace until we can separate.
Author LostinBama Posted December 16, 2007 Author Posted December 16, 2007 Is it consistent for WS's to tell deny the affair after it was already admitted to? That is now the game here. She told me after I found his phone he had given her while she was visiting him, and says that she told me she had sex with him just to piss me off. Do I believe her? Not hardly, but I wonder why the change in tactic? It is over , so it does not really make any sense. I am not dwelling on the why's so much as the logic behind the why. Anyway, that is the latest in the saga. Also, I have been promised no more cops, and my daughter told her the same thing.
T L Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 Is it consistent for WS's to tell deny the affair after it was already admitted to? That is now the game here. She told me after I found his phone he had given her while she was visiting him, and says that she told me she had sex with him just to piss me off. Do I believe her? Not hardly, but I wonder why the change in tactic? It is over , so it does not really make any sense. I am not dwelling on the why's so much as the logic behind the why. Anyway, that is the latest in the saga. Also, I have been promised no more cops, and my daughter told her the same thing. From my own experience and from reading around these forums, the WS will say all sorts of things that will either contradict something they said earlier or just dont make any sense at all. There is no telling what is going on in their heads. Keep posting...
Author LostinBama Posted December 16, 2007 Author Posted December 16, 2007 From my own experience and from reading around these forums, the WS will say all sorts of things that will either contradict something they said earlier or just dont make any sense at all. There is no telling what is going on in their heads. Keep posting... Thanks, that is what I figured. She is pretty messed up mentally right now. I found out that the cops coming here with her was because I had her name taken off the joint account. She has her own account now and needed money, but hers is for when she leaves. Well she was pissed and used the cop thing to try to get even. That is definitely irrational.
Recommended Posts