Sand&Water Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I'm Sick! I'm irritated, confused, sad, and upset of having to deal with this "Let's Just Be Friends" dynamic. I have told a male friend of mine, time after time, that I only want friendship. I have given him many reasons [valid reasons] in my life as to why I can't date him. Yet he still doesn't want to believe those reasons are truly authentic, strong, and plausible. I also told him that I am currently going through a difficult time in my life and don't wish to date any living guy on this planet. No one. Just one reason out of the many I provided. He and I have discussed this "Let's Just Be Friends" so many times, it has become so nauseating to the point where I want to scream and throw a tantrum. Right now, I know he is upset with me. Do you want to know why? Because I simply told him I "Just Want To Be Friends". He thinks I treat him like Horse's Cr@p. The truth is I don't. I treat him with nothing less than utter respect and caring friendship. AND I told him this. BUT he doesn't want to take "NO" for an answer -or rather he doesn't want to back down. I want and am trying to maintain a friendship with him, but it is exceptionally challenging to do so with the conflicts. I don't want to lose what he and I share. I don't know anymore. What should I do? Sand&Water
Trezza Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Well, you could always just end the friendship - from reading your post, you are so stressed over this friendship that it may be better for you not to have it. Maybe give him an ultimatium - 'We are just friends or nothing'
Tony T Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 There are certain guys who, for one reason or other, can't understand the concept. It's pretty obvious this guy is very much in love with you. Therefore, you can never be friends with him. The friendship would be a total lie. You would be a friend to him, he...in turn...would simply be waiting until you "saw the light" and returned the feelings. As you said, that isn't going to happen. He simply doesn't understand that once a female sees a male as nothing more than a friend that's pretty much the way it will stay until the end of the world. You're going to have to do a No Contact (NC) with him for a period of time. Just let him know the situation is making you very uncomfortable and you don't want to see him or talk to him for a period of time. This will give him some time to get over you and perhaps to find another love interest. HA! Once he finds another lady to go after, he won't give you the time of day anyway and the gal he's seeing at the time probably won't be too pleased if he did. This thing is going nowhere, it's a lie...not a friendship, and you have no choice whatsoever but to terminate it. Right now, you're getting nothing whatsoever out of it but annoyance and aggravation. He's got to understand that you don't want a friend like that.
Valley Lilly Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I agree about the time off. Doesn't matter if it's a week, a month, a year, or 100 years.
Trialbyfire Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I want and am trying to maintain a friendship with him, but it is exceptionally challenging to do so with the conflicts. I don't want to lose what he and I share. What you and he share, isn't a friendship. He's paying attention to you because he's interested in you. If you were just friends, I doubt he would treat you the same way. With this in mind, what are you trying to salvage?
JCD Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I don't think you ever had a friendship with him, well maybe in the beginning until he fell in love with you. Then it was a lie from that point on and you were betrayed. You have to understand that he doesn't want friendship and he can't be your friend because he has feelings for you. Those feelings are unlikely go away. You need to do total NC and when he becomes aware that chasing you is futile, he will do NC with you to get you out of his head. Your friendship is gone right now.
IrishCarBomb Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 I don't think you ever had a friendship with him. Ding! Ding! Ding!
lilkornfreak00 Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Sounds like you need to end the friendship. Seems like the guy just doesn't get it. And sometimes people won't get it. Even if you and him have the time of your lives, it's not worth it for him to get his heart broken and not fair to you to babysit someone's feelings all the time.
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