kateangel Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I just wanted to see what thoughts and accounts ppl cud share over the subject of separations in the same house... i am having problems with my husband and i just cant see a resolve for the troubles... but i also cant leave because of our dire financial situation... have any of you had separations whilst living together? did they work? what problems did you face? i am really at my wits end over all this... if theres any helpful advice u can give please share thanks, kate ps. i am new here lol so sorry if i have put this in wrong place etc...
Curmudgeon Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 have any of you had separations whilst living together? did they work? what problems did you face? First of all, welcome aboard! Looking back, for all intents and purposes, the ex and I were separated and living together for the better part of a year before we separated physically. During that time neither of us had said anything about leaving, but we should have. The point is, as far as I'm concerned, staying in the same home also keeps all the same problems right there and alive. Add avoidance and resentment and it doesn not paint a pretty piucture. My advice would be to do whatever you have to do to repair the relationship if that's possible and if not, to find a way to leave. Staying nominally together in the same home will likely prove more painful than helpful.
Nightwolf_58 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 In my experience, live in separations don't work. Me and my wife tried it out for about a month and a half and it was hell. Now I think that I might have an extreme situation, but this is what happened to me. My wife would always be talking and texting people, and would keep it secret from me. She would take off for entire weekends, and then pop in like nothing was wrong. It was awkward because you want to go out and do things and act like nothing is wrong when everything was wrong. It was hurting me worse by having her stay with me because basically she could do whatever she wanted, and there was little I could do about it. Every situation is different, but you can't really be "separated" until you both are no longer living together. Then the both of you can really see what it feels like to be on your own and figure out if that is what you really want.
Author kateangel Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 thanks for your comments... i do wonder if u are separated but dont see other people during the time it will make a difference? so its like a relationship minus the sex and everything linked to that.. me and my husband are more like friends in a lot of ways (in my opinion) and i have no passion for him anymore - but he has for me. i feel so awful that i feel nothing like that for him yet his feelings are unscaved. what i really need to do is talk i suppose...
redblack66 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 thanks for your comments... i do wonder if u are separated but dont see other people during the time it will make a difference? so its like a relationship minus the sex and everything linked to that.. I am in this situation and no difference. me and my husband are more like friends in a lot of ways (in my opinion) and i have no passion for him anymore - but he has for me. i feel so awful that i feel nothing like that for him yet his feelings are unscaved. what i really need to do is talk i suppose... What do you think may bring passion in you? Does he put pressure on you?
Nightwolf_58 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Well, if you both aren't sure what you want, but know you need time away, make sure you know what is expected of the other person. Like when you contact each other, if you will still see each other, and if you plan on dating other people. It sounds like to me that you have in maybe the smallest way moved on out of the marriage because you say you feel more like friends and you have no passion left. This in my experience is the first step towards ending the marriage. I too had passion for my wife after she told me she had none for me. It was in a no win situation. You do need to talk to your husband about all this, because you don't want to lead him on or give him any false hope if you truly, deep down know that your feelings for him have changed. I know how hard it is to know that you are hurting someone that you do truly care about, but in the end you have to do what is best for you.
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