When he/she says "I love you"

[White Flower]

Of course it does. That's the correct answer. But that isn't what these people MEAN when they say it. I didn't want to hear the answer of someone already enlightened, I wanted to hear one of these confused souls try to explain it.

 

But good answer.

Reboot, LS needs to hire you as a moderator!

 

BTW, I really fell for it and I was going to try to explain it to you:confused:.

 

Good job, OWL.

[White Flower]

I'm curious to know from OW/OM... does your MM/MW still tell their wife/husband "i love you"? How do you feel about that? Do you belive that the love your MM/MW has for you is different than the love he/she has for you? How DO YOU FEEL when you're with your MM/MW and they are on the phone with their wife/husband (for whatever reason) and at the end of the phone call, you hear him/her say "i love you"?

Hi Nellstar,

I've never heard him say it, but I believe he does say it. I don't think it would hurt me intellectually because I knew she was there first and that she expects and deserves to hear it. I didn't think he still loved her when we first got involved, but as Owl puts it, real love is commitment and obviously he is committed since he is still with her. That kind of proves his love for her.

 

I've heard him on the phone with her a couple of times. He was very polite and kind with her. It made me feel that one day he could be that with me and I respected him for it. (My H can be curt and demanding on the phone with me.)

 

When MM tells me he loves me I feel that it must be different than the way he tells her. I believe the love he has for her is long-term, committed love that has all of its ups and downs, goods and bads. And he probably says it with so much more conviction to her. And don't confuse confiction with passion.

 

When he says it to me, I feel it is based on passion and that fluttery-ness that comes with the chemicals of falling in love-fatuation style. It is nice to hear, yet hard to absorb. As with most women, I want the commitment. It would be so nice to have both commitment and passion.

 

I believe now after reading so much on the subject and spending time here at LS that so many MM (and MW) are looking for that chemical that is lost after a few years of being with the same woman. Like I said before on another thread, it would be so nice to bottle up those chemicals and inject ourselves with them every three years or so. It would bring an end to extramarital affairs.

[WitchyLady]

For what it's worth I think you can be in love with two people, but that's not to say it's healthy for any of the parties involved. Unless you live in a truly poly-amorous society and most of us don't having two lovers or two spouses isn't an allowable thing and inevitably someone is going to get hurt. Usually, it's the OW/OM because financially and emotionally it makes far less sense for someone to give up on a longer-standing relationship than it does for them to cut all ties and start over with the second person.

 

It does happen, that some people will leave and start over, but the foundation of the second relationship is even more shaky in most cases that the one for the first.

 

If a person will cheat once, he or she will likely cheat again.

 

That's the bottom line, and in order for any relationship to make it, there has to be absolute trust and you simply cannot have that when you KNOW that your SO is capable of betrayal.

 

It's that simple.

 

There's a reason that we have all these divorces going on.

 

Too many people do not want to be faithful to one person anymore. They lie, they cheat, they make excuses for their infidelity, and they hold on to someone long after they should just end the relationship and move on.

 

I'm of a mind that when you find yourself in love with 2 people that you should take a good long hard look inward and see what it is you really want BEFORE you hurt those two people by engaging in an affair. Better to be honest with your current partner and leave, or if you still want that relationship to last to give up the thought of going there than to make a huge mess out of your life and hurt several people including yourself in the process.

 

To be attracted to someone other than a SO or even to discover you love them, that's human nature, but one way or the other there is a choice to be made. Decency requires that it be made without lying, without cheating, and without hurting those you supposedly love.

 

Me, I'd far rather know that my SO wants to move on, than be cheated on. I could even accept that he might have feelings for someone else if he was willing to work to get over it or to end our relationship like someone who still cares about me. But I cannot accept being cheated on, or being lied to and you can bet, I'd never tolerate it if I ever found out that my SO had indeed done so.

 

No matter how much I might love someone. I'd leave him for that kind of behavior. No questions asked. I'd simply tell him knew and end it. Period. It might hurt, but in the long run I'd be far better off for doing it.

[nellstar]

Thanks everyone for your response. All of it were insightful. All I know is that I love my BF. We were going through some tough times lately and have worked things out... well, now something else came up but during the time that we were apart, I realized that I missed him so much. I have never felt this way before, missing someone this much (I have been in a lot of relationships in the past) and also, I realized I was almost hyperventilate thinking that he's out of my life for good. I know that how I feel about him, the love I feel for him is different from the ones I have had before this.

 

It also made me question....

 

What is true love? What is real love? Are they actually different??

[reboot]

Love is caring more about someone else than you do yourself.